Pattern problems

[ACEyBOX]

I need help with a problem, I thought I got rid of it, but it's back and it seems worse. It's gonna mess with my life if I can't cure it

 

In 1997, I bought a game for the Playstation 1 called Alien Trilogy, I started to play it, I loved the gameplay and the graphics and I knew from a magazine that there's over 30 levels in the game. So This game was actually great and I was ready to go through this brilliant game, I started to destroy the big black aliens first and went thru parts of the level, then came little creatures called face huggers. Because of Alien Trilogy being a first person shooter and if you watched the Alien films, you'll no that the face huggers of cause go for the face. So on Alien Trilogy, when they are close to you and attack, they go full screen screen and cover most of it. When that happened first time to me, I looked at it then my ribs went funny for a second, I dunno what happened but I thought nothing much and continued. When it happened again, my ribs went funny again for a little longer and the hair on my arms (although short at the time) flared up like a static shock and made me feel okward for a moment, but I tried to ignore it and continued playing it. When I went to bed that night, thats when the something felt wrong, the feeling came up again but stronger, my arms had deep goosebumps, my back felt like it was covered with cobwebs around the shoulder blades area, and im attempting to take them off but there's nothing there. My tongue was constantly sucking the top part of my mouth until it was sore, I was swallowing saliva every 5 seconds, I was scratching everywhere especially the elbows and knees, and I mean scracthing hard to the deep skin and cutting myself, it was like instant eczema. I was feeling more of the veins than my actual body, as if the veins was on surface of the skin, not beneath it. I couldn't stopping rubbing my nose or my eyes either and they were also getting sore. Wherever there was hair on my body I was scratching as well cause it felt like i was constantly getting electrocuted with small volts and im constantly scratching especially the groin area, I feel dumb scratching down there and I feel weird and uncomfortable when this is happing to me and I even constantly asked myself "What is happening to me?". Therefore, I didn't sleep well, next morning i got up, I wanted to play some more Alien Trilogy although the same thing may happen, but I wanted to play, it's a good game. Before I started playing, I played my other games first to try and warm up or something and because Alien Trilogy was already in my mind, while playing the other games, my body already started acting weird, it was starting again. After a moment I thought to myself "let me try and fight this, all I need to do is be careful and stay far away from the huggers, kill them before they come close." So I put Alien Trilogy in again, and tried just that, it was impossible, that couldn't happen: The huggers moves fast, they come from behind and usually, u shoot a box for ammo or heatlh to come out that u need to collect, but sometimes a hugger or two comes out of that. I was at Level 4 by this time and they was killing me in both ways, 1) on the game itself, i was getting game over, 2) Looking at the hugger full screen was making my body feel very weird, it's almost as if my skin's turning inside out and I couldn't stand it.

 

But I was at least starting to see what it was about the hugger that was doing this to me, it was the way it moved and its fast heartbeat, but most importantly, it was the pattern and the shape. I knew that I wasn't scared of it, cause I wasn't running out of the room or completly screaming, but I knew the sight of that pattern was seriously doing something inside me, it's triggering something in my body to flow the wrong way. I knew at this point, I gotta ask whats happening to me, so I asked my mum and what she said it maybe is a flesh crawl or flesh flow. I tried again on alien trilogy to play it just get used to it, but it was getting worse and worse, my body was muffed up for weeks and my mum said I should stop playing it. I stopped playing it and gave it a break cause my body couldn't take it, but once it was in my head, my body couldn't release it, it would stay and frustrate me for a long time. After a very long break (about half a year), I was feeling ok it seemed to stop I thought I must be over it by now, but I played again and the results was the same as the start, couldn't stand it and couldn't get it outta my head again for a long time. It felt bad for what the final result was to do, which was stop playing Alien Trilogy all together, it was stressful and depressing to leave a very good game behind cause of one tiny thing in it, especially when I wasn't even scared of it, it was an abstract pattern that muffed up my body.

 

One of my good friend's Sam Hewitt, was very concered with this situation, and he could see how heartbroken I was that I couldn't play a brilliant game cause of 1 tiny thing in it. Most other friends treated me like a complete ***** and thought im just scared of it. But they couldn't understand the situation, and i was in a bad and confused position, how could I explain everything i've explained already, at the time 10 years ago? Sam tried very hard to make me get over it and beat it so I could play it but I dunno how I could, I tried and I just couldn't be bothered to put it on to go through this feeling again, but in 2001 I now had Playstation 2, and everything was up a level, I had newer games and Alien Trilogy was completly forgotten about. But 1 day I went round Sam's house with Alien Trilogy and played it on his tv, saw the hugger and didnt feel nothing so I thought its time to go back in time and start playing that game, but the problem was Sam's tv at the time was smaller than mine and a bit blurry (couldn't see the pattern properly) so when I went home and played on my big tv, after 4 years I still suffered with flesh crawling and uncomfortability. I was then starting to believe this isn't only in my head cause it's also triggering something in the body to do this, and even after 4 years, I just can't get used to it. I then stopped Alien Trilogy forever, I was saying to myself, that I still have my best games all Resident evils, all Tekkens and all Silent hills. But my big mistake was not telling Sam and a few others, so they're thinking i've got over it and probably think i clocked Alien Trilogy, Its my fault for not telling them but I thought as long as I dont play Alien Trilogy, I'll be fine for the rest of my life.

 

UNTIL....!!!(the worse bit now)

 

Im a big Silent hill fan, the games are so awesome, they are known to scare people with their storyline's, and mucked up stuff but none of it ever scared me, I loved it too much. I completed Silent hill 1, 2 and 3. I was late to buy Silent hill 4 the room, but I finally got it in 2006 and what was in my mind for a long time was completing that game before Silent hill 5 for the PS3 is out, which is natural. I was going through the game, doing well and in 2007 I was far enough maybe probably near the near the end of it, but the room you stay in, gets possessed and the walls came up with very very strange abstract patterns, they move very weirdly as u go close to them, and you have to walk past these walls, you can't dodge them and like not look at them. They will always be in your sight and when they came to mine, I couldn't take it. It felt even worse because im an adult now, the hairs on my arms and legs are longer so the static shock felt even more the feeling i hated. I was scratching my back so hard, i've got rashes and i can't sit with my back to anything properly. I tried playing Silent hill 4 again and fight it again, cause I was thinking this can't keep happening but it made me feel so bad that when I got outta the room area and I was away from it, I couldn't play it properly, my body was stiff so I quit.

 

The results are worse than it was 10 years ago, It was affecting my standing and my walking, cause it's stiffening up my legs and knees was bending while sticking together, I was holding my arms and i couldn't stand the feeling no more, i was sucking inside my mouth so much, I can't eat without pain now. My legs are feeling weak cause I scratched them hard last night, my face was itching pretty bad, and another thing(this is digusting and embrassing) but my penis shrinks a bit and goes stiff and I can't even take a piss properly (Which is why I don't believe this is in my head). My mum looked at me and said "Alan this game is crippling you" cause of the way i was standing and my walking and my back, she took it away from, she doesn't want to go on like this and she's right I don't wanna go on like this, but I can't keep stopping my favourite games cause of one thing in it.

 

The thing is, Im not scared of these patterns, the sight of them is hurting me. It's now getting serious, Silent hill 1 or 2 or 3 didnt have any of these, what would Silent hill 5 have? I dunno if that would have an abstract pattern that will do the same or worse to me, what if Resident evil gets something abstract in it soon and Tekken as well. If I stop playing these games my life's ruined, I can't play my favourite games that would stress me out for life and depress me proper to much, cause it's over 2% of something in there. I want to beat this and fight it, but i been trying to for 10 years and i still can't get over it. I now accept I can't do this alone, The more i try, the worse it muffs up my body.

 

This is affecting me so bad, that I struggled to write this document cause its in my head

Can someone help me please, there must be a name to this thing im suffering, I can't believe its fear, it must be more than a flesh crawl, whatever it is, it's clearly something serious cause its affecting my walking, my eating, my standing, my sleeping, my concentration and (if the worst) my happiness.

 

If there's a name for this, there could be a medicine for it, I can't be the only person who has this.

 

Thanks for reading and im all open for opinions.

[Phi for All]

I don't wanna go on like this, but I can't keep stopping my favourite games cause of one thing in it.

Yes you can, and should.

 

Stop taking advice from Sam and see a psychiatrist. Not a psychologist, a psychiatrist. And before you say it, seeing one doesn't mean you're crazy. You have a problem with these games and you need someone who is trained to help you overcome it.

 

Don't look for quick fixes on the Internet. Our "opinions" won't help you. Get help now whatever the cost. You're probably worth it.

[ACEyBOX]

Yes you can, and should.

 

well thanks Phi for All, for ya post, but i'd rather have the fact "Stop playing my favourite games forever" be the last step after i tried everything else.

 

my thrapists are looking at it, and my doctors, im gonna get it to psychiatrist when i hear decisions from my thrapists which is this week.

 

but in the mean time, isn't there other thrapists and psychiatrists registered to this forum, can I have your opinions, one of yous may have encounted this before and know exactly what it is

 

Please help me the best way you can

[Bluenoise]

This is just a guess, but as you don't seem to have an fear of these things, and nothing in particular brought it on...

You'll likley have two options:

1) Take medication, which may or may not work.

2) Stop playing these games.

 

And really would you actually take drugs just so you can play a couple video games....

 

 

Ohhh I recomend NOT playing America McGees Alice in Wonderland....

[ACEyBOX]

This is just a guess, but as you don't seem to have an fear of these things, and nothing in particular brought it on...

You'll likley have two options:

1) Take medication, which may or may not work.

2) Stop playing these games.

 

And really would you actually take drugs just so you can play a couple video games....

 

well medicine isnt really hardcore drugs, I did say Silent hill is one of my best, how would u like it if ya favourite genre of movies was banned and u couldnt watch it no more, wouldnt u feel angry, please understand im registered mental as well, they say i have a borderline personality disorder.

 

but I really wanna sort out this problem, cause the other day I was experimenting with image streaming, they say it trains the brain and does up your creativity so i tried it,(when I closed my eyes) and abstract patterns came to me left, right and center then it was hard to sleep so really it doesnt matter what game i dont play, its starting to attack me with whatever i do, please is there opinions, hasnt anyone seen these symptoms. Ill be shocked if im the only one who has this?

[kitchenman]

re you aware that there are people in this world that have a severe medical condition which causes them to be that way? My mother for instance is one of those people. She is a truck driver that has bad knees and a bad back from driving the truck but you probably do not care about that case either. Oh well I am not one of those people I am 6'4" 245lbs and I exercise every day. I would love to see you say something like to my mother in front of me. Probably never happen though you are probably just an internet tough guy. I doubt very seriously you would say that to someones face. Just my thought.What do you think. Oh I am sorry you probably do not have a brain. I on the other hand will be happy to buy you a plane ticket to come here and see if you have the nerve to say that to someone I know

[ACEyBOX]

what is ya point, what are talking about, all im asking for is help but your treating this like a joke

[kitchenman]

what is ya point, what are talking about, all im asking for is help but your treating this like a joke

 

check ur pm's

[YouGaveMeAid]

Ah! You have a severe case of ima****inidiot-itus. Very common, it happens when your playing your most favouritist online, geekinfested games... you begin to think your ACTUALLY part of it. I once thought my thumb was the Shoot button in Pro Evo, i got so mad that i couldn't shoot straight that i sliced it off with a bread knife. Since then i've been reduced to just a index and a pinkie. It takes me hours to type, and i can't afford that fancy shit Hawkins has.

 

Anyway, morale of the story don't blink.

[kitchenman]

The problem with Pro Evolution soccer is the fact that it's not really a fact. Oh so you think your some tough guy now? I'm sorry. Perhaps if I presented you with this "fact" you might actually stop hiding behind your computer and stop being a little *****. Infact how about I buy you a Bentley continental and we can settle this in the back seat V.I.P kid.

[YouGaveMeAid]

Incitefull... Indeed.

 

But what you forgot to mention is that next Wednesday is Shrove Tuesday... and thus forth i shall be busy having a New Years party.

 

We shall have your VIP treatment another fine day. Pip Pip.