Official Language of the EU

[mamakosj]

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will become the official language of the EU rather than German, which was also considered as a possibility.

 

As part of the negotiations the New Labour Government has conceded that some English spelling has room for improvement and they have accepted a 5 year plan to phase in the new ''Euro-English'' as it will be known.

 

In year 1 ''S'' will replace the soft ''C''. Sertainly, this will make the Sivil Sevants jump for joy. The hard ''C'' will also be dropped in favour of the ''K''. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

 

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome ''PH'' will be replaced with the ''F''. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

 

In the 3rd year publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Government will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent ''E'' in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

 

By the 4th year peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ''TH'' with ''Z'' and ''W'' with ''V''.

 

Durind ze fifz yar, ze unesesary''O'' kan be dropd from vords kontaining ''OU'' and similar changs vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

 

Ze drem vil finali kum tru!!!

 

(appologies to anyone who's seen this before... i just thought it was amusing)

[JohnB]

I'm amazed at how long lived it is. I first saw it nearly 40 years ago as "Kaos in Ze Klasrum". Still tickles my funnybone though.

[Sanguine]

I vant mor!!!

[mamakosj]

I saw this a while back; around the time of the london bombings, and thought it quite amusing. (Please note that this is not intended to offend anyone, and if it does, than I appologise for posting it.)

 

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

 

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

 

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

 

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

 

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

[Sisyphus]

I guess we Americans only have two alert levels. "Complete Ignorance" and "Mass Hysteria."

[ecoli]

I guess we Americans only have two alert levels. "Complete Ignorance" and "Mass Hysteria."

 

Actually, these two levels co-exist quite frequently, if not constantly.

[mamakosj]

Does anone else have some funny stories such as these?

 

(this might be classed as diverging from the thread titl, but i started it, so i think it should be feasable)