A trust issue

[abskebabs]

I guess this may be considered a minor issue but I decided to post it anyway. The other day, me and my 2 of my flatmates were looking in our fridge when we noticed one of our other flatmates had left some chocolate cornflakes in their(my other 2 flatmates draw). They decided to take one each, and just pretend that if someone asked they would say they thought it was each other's. In the process I decided I would have a piece too, justifying myself by thinking that I didn't take it out of the fridge, and I was having what was already taken. it was delicious btw:-) .

 

However, I am also pretty much incapable of lying, as I cannot do it(in the long run I guess its a good thing) most of the time. So when my other flatmate asked me if I knew what happened I tried dodging the question, but ended up telling the truth. Now she's understandably pissed with me, and says she won't forgive me:-( .

 

I guess the issue more than anything else is trust. I consider myself quite good friends with her so I have betrayed whatever trust she had in me. The fact I told the truth doesn't make up for what I did. But thinking about it I think this just exposes a flaw in human character, and makes me think of how important forgiveness is as we are all susceptible to our flaws. I suppose you may think I am making a big deal out of nothing, but what's your take on this? Also any general advice? Cheers

[YT2095]

buy her another box of them, and explain that you understand that it won`t make it right, but that you Are sorry for having stolen from her.

 

"justifying myself by thinking that I didn't take it out of the fridge, and I was having what was already taken. it was delicious btw ."

 

if there were no people to accept stolen goods, there would be less theft! you are complicit in these actions and equally as guilty, and by the sounds of the last part, you don`t take it seriously!

 

so I would think about how Wrong you were 1`st, before making Any attempts of an apology.

[abskebabs]

Fair enough, also I think I should stop using these smiley faces so much. About buying her another box, the problem is these were homemade. Could I just get her a "I'm sorry" card or something like that?

[YT2095]

no, make some for her, cards cost nothing and words are cheap, showing Effort to correct a mistake speaks Volumes though!

if you Value your friendship, it`s still a small price to pay.

 

it MAY also help if you tell how nice they were and irresistible looking and that she is very Good Cook, and that played a part in them going missing, a Good cook will see the theft as Flattering (but will still be P!ssed at you for not asking).

[Phi for All]

Fair enough, also I think I should stop using these smiley faces so much. About buying her another box, the problem is these were homemade. Could I just get her a "I'm sorry" card or something like that?

Absolutely not. If you want a chance at forgiveness you should go to the trouble of getting the recipe and making another batch all by yourself. You messed up and it will only make matters worse if you aren't willing to accept that.

 

As YT said, it won't make it right but it's a start. Remember that the cornflakes are NOT the issue, the theft and breach of trust are. Replace what was lost and make sure she knows you've learned your lesson. If she doesn't jump to forgive you just give it time.

[1veedo]

it MAY also help if you tell how nice they were and irresistible looking and that she is very Good Cook, and that played a part in them going missing, a Good cook will see the theft as Flattering (but will still be P!ssed at you for not asking).

I like this idea especially because it was the truth in the first place. "It just looked so good they were irresistible."

 

You're talking about a girl though btw and they're pretty flaky/moody/whimsical (like the dominoes pizza commercial in the hot tub) so she'll eventually get over it. In my experience no matter how mad women get they always come around. If it's a matter of "trust" maybe tell her that if she makes something else it'll stay in the fridge next time and nobody will eat it.

[Phi for All]

it MAY also help if you tell how nice they were and irresistible looking and that she is very Good Cook, and that played a part in them going missing, a Good cook will see the theft as Flattering (but will still be P!ssed at you for not asking).

Agreed, but though he said they were homemade he didn't say SHE made them. What if her mom made them? In that case abskebabs should just start looking for another flat. Unless he calls her mom and THEN pleads the "very good cook" routine....

You're talking about a girl though btw and they're pretty flaky/moody/whimsical (like the dominoes pizza commercial in the hot tub) so she'll eventually get over it.

Feel the hairs stand up on the back of your neck when you read this? Good. Never take advice about women from someone who describes them this way. Misery loves company.

[YT2095]

What if her mom made them? In that case abskebabs should just start looking for another flat. Unless he calls her mom and THEN pleads the "very good cook" routine....

 

oh dear, things Could get Very Complicated then!

what if She asks for Recompense?

 

 

think Stiflers Mom in American Pie

[Royston]

That kind of thing happens in my house all the time, if I were her, I'd say 'go to the shop this instant and buy me some more...if it happens again you can buy me double, if it happens a third time you can buy me triple...' and so on.

 

In our house it depends what's being pinched...I couldn't care less about some things, I mean, it's pretty obvious who done it, it's not as though they can hide in their bedroom for weeks. If it's the last laundry tablet, or something I've been relying on having...that's annoying, in fact I had to write 'buy your own' in the bottom of the box a while ago.

 

Usually it's all quite amicable...'mate, have you knicked my bacon', 'oh, sorry forgot to tell you, here have a beer', 'cool, thanks.'

 

EDIT: In fact if I'm offered a beer, I instantly don't care if my last clove of garlic has gone.

[abskebabs]

It was her who made it nor her mum. Thanks for the advice btw, I will carefully consider it before deciding what to do. Also we're in student accomodation so there isnt the possibillity of kicking someone out, I just feel really bad, and so I should I suppose until this is sorted out. Also I don't mean to make myself sound better by saying this but the 2 other ppl who took some of the cornflakes themselves have not admitted to it, and I don't think are bothered by what they did at all.

 

I feel like this is a bit of wake up call. Somehow, I think telling her it was delicious while apologising might just piss her off even more, I don't know...

[Royston]

I feel like this is a bit of wake up call. Somehow, I think telling her it was delicious while apologising might just piss her off even more, I don't know...

 

Hmmm, TBH if it happend to me, I'd take it as a compliment that my cooking is so moreish...does she like beer, works for me

 

Your mates really shouldn't let you take the brunt of this though, I think you should have words, get together, and make a group effort to remedy the problem e.g take her out somewhere.

[YT2095]

it not Your position or Right to act on their behalf or even attempt to be their conscience for them, although pointing out that she feels hurt by this act May bring out the good side in them.

 

make her some more and do your best job with it, then give them to her quietly without show or fuss in front of the others, and with a GENUINE apology.

you May end up wearing them! but you made the effort.

[Phi for All]

Thanks for the advice btw, I will carefully consider it before deciding what to do.

LOL, that's lazy-speak for, "There's no way I'm going to *that* much trouble, I'll think of something easier!" Spend the time, go to the trouble, it's what "quite good friends" do for each other.

[YT2095]

ok, HERE`s an idea

 

why not put Yourself in HER position, Really Really to do this, and then think of how it might may You feel, and what might make you feel a little bit better.

 

because at the moment it seems to be all about how YOU feel and how YOU can get out of your trouble, to make things comfortable again for YOU.

[Phi for All]

at the moment it seems to be all about how YOU feel and how YOU can get out of your trouble, to make things comfortable again for YOU.

Very perceptive. And abskebabs did say:

The fact I told the truth doesn't make up for what I did. But thinking about it I think this just exposes a flaw in human character, and makes me think of how important forgiveness is as we are all susceptible to our flaws.

You make it sound like you're pointing the finger at *her* because she won't forgive you easily. You are justifying your theft and I'll bet she can sense that. This is probably why she still hasn't forgiven you. A good mea culpa doesn't include a justification. You may have a reason but you have no excuse.

[1veedo]

Feel the hairs stand up on the back of your neck when you read this? Good. Never take advice about women from someone who describes them this way. Misery loves company.

Just remember that it was Snail who made posts 9 and 11, not me . Just get her a beer (or something to the same effect) and tell her how enticing and irresistible it was. "It just looked so delicious setting there I had to try one."

 

Oh and it is pretty ****ed up that your roommates wont admit to it. She knows they did it so you should get them to apologize with you.

[abskebabs]

Hi every1. After my exam today I decided to drop off at the card shop in Uni to buy a sorry card and a chocolate dessert. When I got back to my flat later on, I got the card out and wrote on it how sorry I was and how much I regreted breaking her trust. I also told her that though it didn't make up for what I did, I left for her a chocolate dessert in the fridge.

 

I'm glad to say things turned out ok:-) . About half an hour later I saw her in the kitchen, with 2 of her friends who had come over to help prepare for a dinner party. She immediately told me she saw the card I slipped under her door and gave me a hug and even kissed me on my cheek. Tbh honest I was blushing and even a little uncomfortable. I told her I'd also left her a dessert but she said it was fine.

 

I'm happy again:-). Thanks again for your advice.

[Pangloss]

Oh is THAT why there was a chocolate desert in the fridge. It was delicious, btw.

[abskebabs]

Oh is THAT why there was a chocolate desert in the fridge. It was delicious, btw.

lol:D

[marjan]

This reminds me when I was in the student accommodation, we used to share a fridge with lots of people and everyone had a shelf in the fridge. It was exams time and everyone was too busy to go shopping. One day when I was cooking I got to the fridge to grab an egg instead I found a $5 and an apology note : I’m so sorry for taking your egg, but I have 3 exams in a row and couldn’t go to the shops, and am starving.!!!

I didn’t know who that was but anyway I would forgive her; it looked really funny and also I didn’t have any exam at that time, maybe if I had I would get angry.

What would you think?

[Phi for All]

Oh is THAT why there was a chocolate desert in the fridge. It was delicious, btw.

I want you to know I didn't have any of the fudge torte, not even the whipped cream part.

One day when I was cooking I got to the fridge to grab an egg instead I found a $5 and an apology note : I’m so sorry for taking your egg' date=' but I have 3 exams in a row and couldn’t go to the shops, and am starving.!!!

I didn’t know who that was but anyway I would forgive her; it looked really funny and also I didn’t have any exam at that time, maybe if I had I would get angry.

What would you think?[/quote']Since eggs are $3 a dozen I'd think I just found a way to pay for the rest of my tuition.

[marjan]

I think she just wanted to say how sorry she was! anyway it's not a bad idea if you take your shopping bag to the fridge and take whatever you want and just put the money (not $5 for AN EGG of course!!! )huh???!!!

[Royston]

gave me a hug and even kissed me on my cheek.

 

I'm not sure that behaviour would be tolerated in our house...hence our beer exchange programme.