The Psychology of Bondage and Masochism

[Endy0816]

You really can't if it is consensual. I would look at it as sexual roleplay and go with it. For your own peace of mind you may wish establish safe words with your partner prior to commencing.

[MonDie]

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Is masochism a twisted, whacked out paradox? It certainly is. It’s f*cked up. Humans, by nature, are wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure. I like pleasure, too, but I certainly find pleasure in pain.

In its more mild forms, like light whipping and scratching, pain (for me) is an exquisite and profound experience. It’s pleasurable, and it makes me feel alive. It’s not that it doesn’t hurt – of course it hurts. But for a reason that even I can’t quite grasp, I desire it. I like sensation in general, including pain.

At its most intense, pain is no longer enjoyable physically, but the challenge of it is enjoyable mentally. Pain, the way my inner masochist looks at it, is a means to challenge oneself and one’s reactions to extreme situations. Being able to trust your partner with your body, being able to endure things that most people would never want to try to endure… it lets you find yourself – and your relationship, for that matter – on a very deep level. You get to know things about yourself in ways that most people can’t comprehend.

You see, as far as that aspect of it, it’s not just about being tough or pain-tolerant. When you push yourself beyond your limits, it’s about discovering your own strength of character. It’s about being strong and resolute, for your partner and/or yourself. It’ll build your confidence in that mindset, so that you’ll be able to set your mind to being resolute and mentally sound not only in the context of BDSM, but in life.

It’s a means to self-discovery, self-pride, strength in relationships, and a fuller life. And, if you don’t want to look into it that deep, look at it for what it is: enjoyment of something that few others can find enjoyment in. It’s one more way for us to find pleasure, one more way that 95 (or whatever) percent of the population doesn’t have.

 

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Huh, I actually relate to this except that I've never gotten it from physical pain and I don't become sexually aroused. Then again, I've never really had a sex life, so I've never tried leather, bondage, etc. I can relate to everything else, and I've bolded the parts that I relate to particularly. I do find it romantic in a way, and I would enjoy a romantic partner who gives me hell on occasion.

 

I experienced a couple major stressors during my youth. The first one at 14-16 had some long-term negative effects; the second one did not. They both however were means to discovering the joy of conflict, and those situations encouraged me to refine my stress response.

 

btw You're all free to take out your rage on me. I don't know what the mods will do, but it's not against my rules.

 

 

I am more into Dominance and submission but I do understand the lifestyle of S/M as well. D/s is not a 24/7 thing to me but it can be a very intense way to enjoy an evening or a week end. I am not interested in a woman who needs to be my slave on a leash 24/7 but as an occasional play/game it can be intense and very satisfying for all involved. Pain can be apart of D/s but it is more about finding ways to take your submissive to places in her mind she wouldn't or couldn't go by herself. Bondage and humiliation can be a big part of D/s and the small pains that allow the enjoyment of sex to be magnified. I once had a submissive explain it to me as going to a horror movie and participating instead of just watching. You know it's just a game but you allow your self to get into it and just like a good horror film the danger feels quite real even though deep down you know it's just a game

 

Fire cupping Dominant massage hot wax Fun fun fun! But best if only done as the occasional treat, no need to make it routine

 

I think it's weird for dominant guys to talk about it. I don't normally get crushes on guys, but it would definitely turn me off to hear him talk about doing "intense" things to me. Sorry, moontanman. Let's just be friends.

Edited June 7, 2014 by MonDie

[MonDie]

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IMHO, we all have relics of our more primitive past when less consensual sex was the norm. In my, anecdotal, experience the male pain threshold drops dramtically immediately after orgasm and many women get turned on by rough (consensual!) sex. I believe the reason for the drop off in male pain threshold is because he must not be deterred from his biological duty by female resistance, i.e. procreation, but once achieved Mother Nature turns the protective mechanism back on so to prevent damage and preserve him to impregnate the next. The female response to this resistance is increased lubrication etc. to facilitate the act. I'd be fascinated to see if this thoery could be verified by those more knowlegeable than myself.

 

[snipped]

Vaginal lubrication might be a protective mechanism to prevent injury.

 

http://www.indiana.edu/~sexlab/files/pubs/Chivers_Seto_Blanchard_2007.pdf

 

Genital response [...] can occur in the absence of subjective sexual arousal (Chivers & Bailey, 2005). Reflexive vaginal responding may have had fitness benefits for our female ancestors because vaginal vasocongestion produces lubrication, which reduces the likelihood of injury and subsequent infection during vaginal penetration.