help, suffering from mental illness

[carol]

or not.

i get urges to cut myself. so i use the scalpel i have to make some cuts on my arms. i am careful though not to cut too deep and damage arteries, tendons, and muscles.

i find satisfaction in doing this. but i hide the cuts, especially from my parents. i don't want the trouble of answering their questions or explain myself. i don't even know why i do this.

i can control these urges though. am i crazy?

[Glider]

You could control these urges, but it's extremely hard to do on your own, as your giving in to them demonstrates. You might learn to live with them eventually (assuming you don't seriously hurt yourself in the meantime), but wouldn't it be better to get rid of the urges altogether?

 

You could get rid of the urges, but you can't do that on your own. I can understand why you wouldn't want to tell your parents and you don't have to. But you really should tell somebody, and prefereably, somebody who is in a position to help you.

 

Why should you tell somebody? Because it's unlikely to get better on its own. You submit to the urge and in doing so, you are reinforcing the behaviour and so the probability that you will submit to the next urge increases. In a short time, the urges will increase in frequency to gain the same satisfaction and you'll have to do it more often.

 

You're already opening yourself to the risk of infection each time, but also, you create scars. How long will it be before you can't bare your arms without people asking awkward questions? Not just your parents, but enybody you talk to. Do you want to have to wear long sleeves every day for your entire future to avoid those questions? I have seen the results of this many times. It's not pretty.

 

Don't talk to your parents if you don't want to, but talk to somebody. You say you don't know why you do it. That's entirely possible, but if you talk to the right person, they will be able to help you find out. They will know the right questions that will help you to understand why you get the urges. Once you understand this, the urges will go away.

 

No, you are not crazy, but you are fighting/punishing yourself for some reason. You have to find out why and you'll need a guide who knows the area to get there.

 

Try to see your GP. They will help you to find the right person.

[Mr Skeptic]

I too suggest seeking help. If you loose control of yourself, you may end up leaving yourself some ugly scars, or cutting a nerve or artery.

[iNow]

By posting here, you already sought some form of help. That's a step in the right direction, and demonstrates clearly that the change you wish to become is already in your thoughts. Now, you need to keep walking this path and reinforce that change. Try to continue until resolution is found, and don't be shy when it comes to engaging the right assistance.