Firescape Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Okay, I am not gay or bi but I have mistakenly fooled around with up to four guys, and each time I was heavily intoxicated with drugs and alchohol. I have a moderate-high sex drive, I've known that since I was younger but I never had any affection or sexual urge for other men, I grew up as a normal kid. The first time this happened, it was with my bisexual roomate(who I probably have to blame for all this), I remember being really nauseated and suicidal the very next day. The second time was also followed by bouts of depression and paranoia. The third and forth time was with a complete stranger. However, I'd like to note that each time, we never actually did it (intercourse), just fooling around I guess. I love women, and have been with countless of them, each one I admire and appreciate, but why did I find myself in these ugly situations.
iNow Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Your opening sentence seems to be a statement of denial, not of fact. It's fine if you enjoy fooling around with men. Even if you do not, it's fine to explore your curiosity. Be authentic to yourself and your feelings. Pretending or lying to yourself doesn't help. The fact that you felt depressed, suicidal, and nauseated means that you think what you are doing is wrong, but you do it anyway. If you're doing it while you're drunk, it means that you have fewer inhibitions, and are more likely to act on your basic desires, despite what you've been taught and what you think is right or wrong. Just be authentic with yourself. If you fool around with guys, acknowledge that maybe you are bisexual. If you were just curious, and then that's fine too. The issue I see here, though, is that you hate yourself for what you've done, and that's not healthy. Accept who you are, and don't lie to yourself. Be authentic, and the rest will work itself out. Whether that means being with women only, men only, some combination of both, or neither. Good luck. 1
Sisyphus Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Agreed 100% with iNow. I'd also add that blaming other people (like your roommate) is not only incorrect but very unfair to them.
insane_alien Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 you need to relax. there isn't anything wrong with it. you were drunk, you probably thought it would be a laugh. who gives a damn. sure you can have the wee 'oh god what the hell was i doing?' bit when you wake up in the morning but its nothing to be depressed about. might be a sign to cut down on the drinking though.
Firescape Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 But I don't enjoy being with men, its not the same feeling as being with women, plus I never think about men when i'm sober or drunk. On the four occassions I wasn't myself, I was absolutely under intoxication, i'm sure i've done a lot of other silly things under these conditions. The reason I blame my roomate is because he never told me he was bisexual and we were friends for about 3 years. I heard a lot of rumours about his sexuality but they never bothered me. In an unfamiliar way, the good thing about all this is that I think I am sure I am not bisexual or homosexual. Thanks for the advise insane_alien.
insane_alien Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 But I don't enjoy being with men, its not the same feeling as being with women, plus I never think about men when i'm sober or drunk. okay, fine. your straight. The reason I blame my roomate is because he never told me he was bisexual and we were friends for about 3 years. I heard a lot of rumours about his sexuality but they never bothered me. In an unfamiliar way, the good thing about all this is that I think I am sure I am not bisexual or homosexual. no reason to blame him. seeing as the situation has repeated itself without him i doubt he was the cause of anything. listen, i've done the same thing before, its no big deal. just get over it and forget about it.
Paralith Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I'd just like to add that, as a woman, knowing that you've done stuff with guys before is fine. Like the others have said, it's nothing to get all upset about. I have a friend who's currently in a serious relationship with a guy who used to fool around with both women and other men. That fact hasn't caused them one bit of trouble dating-wise.
SkepticLance Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 It almost happened to me. I had a flatmate who had broken off with his wife, and I put him up for a while. One night he got stinking drunk, and did the drunken weepies. He had cause to cry, so I did not think much of that. However, after I went to bed, he crept in and climbed in beside me, telling me he needed comfort. I put up with it for a while, till he started sexual fondling. I was stone cold sober, and got up, and left the room. However, had I been as drunk as him, who knows what would have happened. Before that point, I thought him totally straight. While I do not blame him for his bisexuality, and I do not blame him for seeking sexual comfort at a very stressful time, I still have to say that the incident was his 'fault' entirely.
DrDNA Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Yeah yeah....boy meets boy...bla bla bla......Can we move on to the details about those countless women now ????
Dak Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 firescape, you could be just a bit bi. y'know how there are some women who aren't particularly hot, but when you're drunk they seem much more acceptable? maybe that's your stance towards men
Taq_is_hot Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 First of all, I believe that everyone has a little homosexual curiosity or interest. For some, it is just curiosity. I won't lie. There was a time where I questioned my sexuality because I was curious about women's sexual traits. Whether you end up bisexual or not, I believe that everyone goes through a phase of curiosity. Some may not even realize they go through this phase because it is such a small bit of curiosity and it does not become a noticable thing. Well, if you were under the influence of drugs, I can certainly see how you would have "fooled around" with other men. I used to know someone who took a bunch of psych drugs (too many than he needed) and he began to abuse them somewhat. I had liked this guy for years when one day he was over at our house and he was fooling around with my brother. He too, denied that he was gay or bi, but he was under the influence of too many psych drugs. I was upset because I liked him a lot and I hoped he wasn't interested in men because that would mean he wouldn't be interested in me! But a few months later, we (well I wouldn't call it official dating) but we had a "fling" I guess you could say. So he did like women. I am unsure if fooling around with the same sex under the influence of something means that you really are deep down bisexual or if you just can't tell the difference between men and women because you are so goofed up! Well, obviously you can "tell" the difference, but maybe your mind is just thinking sex and at the moment it just doesn't comprehend that you really don't feel that way toward the same sex - that you are just thinking sex no matter who it is.
SkepticLance Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 To Taq Since the phrase 'everyone' must include me, I can tell you with 100% certainty that you are wrong. I have absolutely no homosexuality in me. The 2 times in my life I have been approached by homosexuals, I rejected them as firmly and quickly as I could, and left feeling utterly revolted. I have never in my life EVER felt the slightest interest in sexual activity with other men - just complete disgust at the thought. What I believe myself is that there is a continuum of sexuality, with most people lumped into the heterosexual group. This continuum ranges from total heterosexuality, with no interest whatever in sexuality with the same sex, through varying degrees of bisexuality on to total homosexuality.
iNow Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 First of all, I believe that everyone has a little homosexual curiosity or interest. For some, it is just curiosity. I won't lie. There was a time where I questioned my sexuality because I was curious about women's sexual traits. Whether you end up bisexual or not, I believe that everyone goes through a phase of curiosity. Some may not even realize they go through this phase because it is such a small bit of curiosity and it does not become a noticable thing. Well, if you were under the influence of drugs, I can certainly see how you would have "fooled around" with other men. I used to know someone who took a bunch of psych drugs (too many than he needed) and he began to abuse them somewhat. I had liked this guy for years when one day he was over at our house and he was fooling around with my brother. He too, denied that he was gay or bi, but he was under the influence of too many psych drugs. I was upset because I liked him a lot and I hoped he wasn't interested in men because that would mean he wouldn't be interested in me! But a few months later, we (well I wouldn't call it official dating) but we had a "fling" I guess you could say. So he did like women. I am unsure if fooling around with the same sex under the influence of something means that you really are deep down bisexual or if you just can't tell the difference between men and women because you are so goofed up! Well, obviously you can "tell" the difference, but maybe your mind is just thinking sex and at the moment it just doesn't comprehend that you really don't feel that way toward the same sex - that you are just thinking sex no matter who it is. Nice post. Most of us here who argue on topic and not on semantic understand that you meant "most." Cheers Taq.
Taq_is_hot Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 . Some may not even realize they go through this phase HAHAHAHAHA!!! See? I win! Well, I actually didn't mean "most" I should have rephrased it to this though: Yes, all meaning everyone goes through curiosity. That does not mean they are attracted to the same sex. That just means they are "curious" about the same sex. For example, you could be a child and be curious about your "parts" or something. I may have come across like I meant that everyone is somewhat "attracted" to the same sex. If I seemed to imply that, I didn't mean to imply that. I was having troubles explaining myself LOL. I just meant that everyone goes through a bit of curiosity, whether they realize it or not. That does not mean interest...just curiosity. That's all. But that still is what I believe...sorry can't change that. So in other words, you may be curious at one point, but realize that you think the same sex is repulsive. That's what I meant to say, hope its clear now:D
Firescape Posted January 17, 2008 Author Posted January 17, 2008 doh: nice post. Like I said before, I never found same sex attractive, I still don't. Nice time to cut back on the drinking. tnx. Well, this should be a lesson to all you folks about ahcohol; you may find yourself one day in thailand sleeping with a pregnant lama.
iNow Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 Well, this should be a lesson to all you folks about ahcohol; you may find yourself one day in thailand sleeping with a pregnant lama. Damnit man!!! I told you not to tell anybody about that! Boy oh boy... if my girlfriend reads that post... I'm screwed!!!
Mr Skeptic Posted January 17, 2008 Posted January 17, 2008 if my girlfriend reads that post... I'm screwed!!! Lucky you
Psyber Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 To Taq Since the phrase 'everyone' must include me, I can tell you with 100% certainty that you are wrong. I have absolutely no homosexuality in me. The 2 times in my life I have been approached by homosexuals, I rejected them as firmly and quickly as I could, and left feeling utterly revolted. I have never in my life EVER felt the slightest interest in sexual activity with other men - just complete disgust at the thought. What I believe myself is that there is a continuum of sexuality, with most people lumped into the heterosexual group. This continuum ranges from total heterosexuality, with no interest whatever in sexuality with the same sex, through varying degrees of bisexuality on to total homosexuality. Some might argue that reacting with revulsion indicated some insecurity, but it may simply reflect relative youth, or inexperience in dealing with the issue. In my line of work I have mixed with a lot of gay guys, and have occasionally had to just grin and say, "Sorry, I'm straight, mate!" when one has shown specific interest. That is usually all that it takes. It has only once been a problem - I did have to elbow one guy who persisted in rubbing against me from behind in doorways after I had given him several polite warnings. Then I also had to deal firmly with a woman who took to following me around and standing too close at one stage too. There is not a lot of difference in the behaviour of the two groups really.
Dr.Evil Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 doh: nice post. Like I said before, I never found same sex attractive, I still don't. Nice time to cut back on the drinking. tnx. Well, this should be a lesson to all you folks about ahcohol; you may find yourself one day in thailand sleeping with a pregnant lama. This reminds me of the short artical in new scientist about alcohol turning flys gay. Lol
Psycho Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 But I don't enjoy being with men, its not the same feeling as being with women, plus I never think about men when i'm sober or drunk. On the four occassions I wasn't myself, I was absolutely under intoxication.Truth normally comes out when you are drunk, also your personality does.The reason I blame my roomate is because he never told me he was bisexual and we were friends for about 3 years. You blame him for not telling you, but you seem to have a hatred for the fact you could be gay or bi-sexual, put in his position would you tell yourself. I can't see how if you knew him for 3 years you didn't know he was bi-sexual. However, had I been as drunk as him, who knows what would have happened. Before that point, I thought him totally straight. While I do not blame him for his bisexuality, and I do not blame him for seeking sexual comfort at a very stressful time, I still have to say that the incident was his 'fault' entirely.To be honest if you are drunk you still know if you like guys or girls and if a guy goes to kiss you and you don't want to you will stop them. firescape, you could be just a bit bi. y'know how there are some women who aren't particularly hot, but when you're drunk they seem much more acceptable? maybe that's your stance towards menThat is a good point, I have never really thought of it in that way before.
vampares Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 might be a sign to cut down on the drinking though Duly noted. Impulses are impulses though, right?
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