Why Do We Act Stiff/Differently Infront of Those Attractive To Us?

[MavRick]

Is there a scientific explanation for this cause? What exactly happens to our body that causes us to act strangely around them, and in some cases tend to avoid them (ie: sit farther away from them in class out of fear).

 

The reason I ask is because around all my friends and their female friends I really have an outgoing personality. But when a girl I'm really attracted to is around/watching/in the conversation I start feeling slightly stiff and I get much, MUCH more quiet than I normally do

 

So why does it happen and what can be done about it? Why do the most outgoing people go through this as well? I don't think the "you just dont wanna look stupid!" answers will suffice, because I know there is more to it than that, particularly because if I did a speech in front of the class it feels LESS awkward.

 

Is it because we're not prepared with things to say? Probably not...considering we're just so attracted to them that even being prepared with something wont help....

 

Any ideas?

[insane_alien]

Well, whether you like it or not, a lot of it does come down to 'you just don't want to look stupid' or probably more accurately 'you just don't want to say something that will mess up your chances'.

 

As for physiological causes it probably has a lot to do with the cocktail of chemicals and hormones your body dumps into your brain when you see someone attractive, whether you are extroverted or introverted this will happen.

 

the only real solution is to push through and spark up a conversation, after that it gets easier to talk, well in most cases. for instance with me, i can easily talk to someone i find attractive but i can't for the life of me bring up going out on a date for the first time. usually takes a whole hour of working myself up for it, possibly with ordering a friend to punch me in the face if i don't ask her by a certain time that day. amazing what an external incentive can do.

 

the thing you should NOT do is resort to alcohol to get some dutch courage, that way lies embarassment and rejection.

[iNow]

The reason I ask is because around all my friends and their female friends I really have an outgoing personality. But when a girl I'm really attracted to is around/watching/in the conversation I start feeling slightly stiff...

 

 

Thanks for the laugh.

 

 

Anyway, it's about self-confidence. In most situations, you are confident and comfortable, not worried about being judged. Usually, in those situations, you will even know you are being judged, but you're not concerned about your performance or ability, also not concerned about any consequences of poor performance, so you shrug it off. This is what happens when you're around friends or other people.

 

In front of an attractive girl, however, you do care about rewards for positive performance and consequences for negative performance. Not only that, but you get this slurry of hormones and chemicals in your brain that turn you into a blathering idiot (at least, that's how it worked for me!).

 

Long story short, you need to be confident in yourself and recognize that these attractive girls are just people too, facing many of the same anxieties and questions that you have. Treat them no differently than you would the rest of your friends.

 

The truth is, most of it just comes with time and practice. Practice is key, so don't give up, but also be patient with yourself. If you're lucky, you WILL make mistakes... that way, you have something to learn from for future attempts.

 

 

Have fun.

[MavRick]

 

Thanks for the laugh.

 

 

Anyway, it's about self-confidence. In most situations, you are confident and comfortable, not worried about being judged. Usually, in those situations, you will even know you are being judged, but you're not concerned about your performance or ability, also not concerned about any consequences of poor performance, so you shrug it off. This is what happens when you're around friends or other people.

 

In front of an attractive girl, however, you do care about rewards for positive performance and consequences for negative performance. Not only that, but you get this slurry of hormones and chemicals in your brain that turn you into a blathering idiot (at least, that's how it worked for me!).

 

Long story short, you need to be confident in yourself and recognize that these attractive girls are just people too, facing many of the same anxieties and questions that you have. Treat them no differently than you would the rest of your friends.

 

The truth is, most of it just comes with time and practice. Practice is key, so don't give up, but also be patient with yourself. If you're lucky, you WILL make mistakes... that way, you have something to learn from for future attempts.

 

 

Have fun.

 

Excellent answer, thank you

[ParanoiA]

Can I also add that I've found that after actually making a mistake, making a fool of myself and losing out on my potential reward in the process, that the subsequent opportunities were so much easier? It's as if I needed to actually experience the negative consequence to realize that it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be.

[sir_percy]

I find, that when talking to a girl for the first time, making mistakes and looking slightly foolish actually helps me pull. It allows you to talk about something creative, rather than just what they do, where they are from and all this bullshit. So the odd mistake dosnt hurt, well i dont think it does