Political Humor

[CaptainPanic]

Dijon mustard??

 

LOL!!!

 

Just imagine that any other world leader gets into such trouble for eating at McDonald's

 

If this is true, then it's the best joke ever. I say impeach the bastard! He's eating French food!

[Sisyphus]

Mustardgate is easily my favorite political issue of the year.

[john5746]

When a few protesters interrupted President Obama's speech at the Notre Dame graduation by shouting, "Stop killing our children!" the student body replied by chanting, "Yes, we can."

[iNow]

So, President Obama has found a way to quickly close Guantanamo Bay. Yeah, he's just going to turn it into a Pontiac dealership. (Jay Leno)

[Pangloss]

President Obama said today he plans to introduce a health care plan that is both affordable and easy to use.

 

The insurance industry promptly responded that it plans to fight the plan using congressmen that are both affordable and easy to use.

 

- Conan O'Brien

[iNow]

Via a friend on another board:

 

 

 

[abskebabs]

I quite liked these:

 

 

 

[JillSwift]

I am surprised this oldie hasn't been posted yet:

 

POLITICS: From the words "poly", meaning many, and "ticks", a blood sucking parasite.

[Pangloss]

Here's one from Ronald Kessler's new book, "In the President's Secret Service", which was just published last month:

 

"We were in the elevator going up to the residence on the second floor of the White House," says former agent Ted Hresko. "The door of the elevator was about to close, and one of the staffers blocked it. The staffer told Reagan the news about Donna Rice and Gary hart."

 

Reagan nodded his head and looked at the agent. "Boys will be boys," he said.

 

When the door of the elevator shut, Reagan said to Hresko, "But boys will not be president."

[iNow]

This video made me laugh so hard that I thought this would make a nice home for it. Enjoy.

 

 

 

TfS6cE7VXM0

[Pangloss]

[iNow]

Via PZ

[iNow]

This just made me chuckle.

 

 

 

[Syntho-sis]

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

 

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, "What would you like to talk about?"

 

"Oh, I don't know," said Obama. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles.

 

"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

 

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

 

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know shit?"

 

http://www.funnyandjokes.com/barack-obama-vs-little-girl.html

[Pangloss]

(I'm not sure where this originated from -- it's been floating around the Internet in a bunch of places.)

 

--------

 

The Economy, How Bad Is It?

 

1. The economy is so bad... that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

 

2. The economy is so bad... I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

 

3. The economy is so bad... that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

 

4. The economy is so bad... if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

 

5. The economy is so bad... Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

 

6. The economy is so bad... McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

 

7. The economy is so bad... parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

 

8. The economy is so bad... a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico....

 

9. The economy is so bad... Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

 

10. The economy is so bad... Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

 

11. The economy is so bad... the Mafia is laying off judges.

 

12. The economy is so bad... Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

[bascule]

FOX News: we have technical difficulties with our satellite link when Democrats speak

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

Uh-oh. Has this thread fallen victim to a post miscount?

 

edit: ah, that seems to have cleared it up. Page 3 wouldn't display at all for some reason.

[bascule]

Uh-oh. Has this thread fallen victim to a post miscount?

 

edit: ah, that seems to have cleared it up. Page 3 wouldn't display at all for some reason.

 

It seems the FOX failure has crept into the forums as well!

[bascule]

For those of you who didn't see it, Jon Stewart just performed a brilliant parody of Glenn Beck:

 

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-march-18-2010/conservative-libertarian

 

Central to his arguments against Beck: slippery slopes slip both ways. Beck paints doom and gloom of a Nazi/Stalinist totalitarian state while never mentioning the possibility of a theocratic totalitarian state. While saying progressive virtues "lead to" the latter, the possibility that religious values my "lead to" the former is never addressed.

 

Oh yes, and libertarians are lying aryan Berts! (I guess I'm one of them, although I'm a liberaltarian, so I'm still a lying aryan but at least I'm not EVIL BERT)

[Pangloss]

[iNow]

President Barack Obama is expected to nominate Jesus Christ, an immigrant originally born to a virgin mother in Bethlehem, to fill the new vacancy on the Supreme Court. Although Mr. Christ is over 2,000 years old, He is immortal, so Democrats and Republicans expect that He will serve on the high court forever or until He decides to start the End Times. Republicans are expected to fight the nomination on the grounds that Mr. Christ would radically move the Court to the left. The GOP is also concerned that, despite decades of controversy and speculation, Mr. Christ has never revealed his position on abortion. Mr. Christ, according to many authorities, is expected to oppose the death penalty in all forms. Michael Steele, the head of the GOP national committee, issued a statement: "Christ is a complete mystery to us. He won't reveal His physical appearance and many of His positions are unknown or the subject of speculation. He is a stealth candidate. Why won't He reveal himself? Who does He think He is?"

 

Republicans are reportedly outraged that Mr. Obama even considered Mr. Christ, who has been widely quoted for his sentiments supporting the poor over the wealthy. In a Facebook post, former half-term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin called for an investigation into the Bethlehem chapter of ACORN because of what she termed the "highly suspicious" coincidence that both President Obama and Mr. Christ had each spent three years as community organizers. In her post, Palin also wrote that "More and more of good God-fearing smalltime Americans from hardworking smalltime towns from great parts of this real America, West, South, East, North, are seeing more and more every day that Christ is a community organizer. We don't need another community organizer in the White House!"

 

Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) asked, "We're not even sure where He was born. Why is He afraid to show us his birth certificate?" Bachmann also announced that she would vote "no" when the Christ nomination came before the House of Representatives. Later, her congressional staff released a statement saying that the Congresswoman had forgotten that the House does not vote on judicial nominations.

 

According to Rush Limbaugh, "Christ doesn't know anything about free enterprise. This is part of the Obama conspiracy to drag us to socialism. If this guy is approved, I'm moving to Costa Rica." Sobbing, Glenn Beck attacked Christ's support for the separation of church and state, telling his audience "You know who else wanted a separation of church and state? Hitler."

 

Several Catholic priests were contacted for comment but refused to discuss the issue, and, even though they weren't asked, all empathetically denied that they had personally molested any children.

 

Democrats are optimistic about their chances of shoving Mr. Christ down the throats of Americans using normal constitutional and parliamentary procedures. Many Democrats are hopeful that Mr. Christ's past associations with prostitutes will earn him at least one Republican vote, that of Sen. David Vitter (R-LA).

 

If confirmed, Christ will be the first Supreme Court Justice who has at least one American city named after him: Corpus Christi, Texas

[JohnB]

For those of you who didn't see it, Jon Stewart just performed a brilliant parody of Glenn Beck:

 

So Jon Stewart and the Daily Show are left wing? I just think he's hilarious. The first clip I ever saw was "Billions and Billions."

 

Shows like this give me hope for American comedy.

[iNow]

[Pangloss]

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Merged post follows:

Consecutive posts merged

The President spoke tonight at the annual White House Correspondent's Dinner.

 

mmm4UJgfrfg

[padren]

Well this made me laugh: