New element...

[Externet]

The New Element - Governmentium (Gv)

 

Recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a new chemical element. Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

 

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

 

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to anytime from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of two-four years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

 

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

 

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

[nitric]

annihilation Jim.... total,complete,absolute annihilation

[visceral]

Hahahaha! I enjoyed that.

[Baby Astronaut]

To expand on the findings, governmentium is more unstable when occupied by free radicals. It's these who cause the delay in timely reactions and inefficiency, but create the illusions that governmentium itself is responsible. If these free radicals were to do their job instead of hampering the parts of the governmentium differing from them, the element would be incredibly more efficient.

 

The free radicals create the illusion that it functions to shrink down the total mass of governmentium. However, it turns out the free radicals simply move to replace the liberalium isotopes and not only does the entire mass of governmentium not shrink, it grows exponentially and becomes toxic.

 

An interesting result occurs when free radicals are numerous enough in governmentium. They attract other unstable elements in nature to attack the governmentium's surroundings, which in turn excites the free radicals to a boiling state. The last illusion caused by free radicals is that the attack occurred because the population of stable atoms is free. However, it's the freedom of the radicals in governmentium which invite these attacks.

 

Because governmentium is an element for the atoms and by the atoms, the free radicals will attempt to shrink the mass of governmentium in order to strip the atoms of liberties guaranteed by it.

 

(Edit: It should be noted there are stable parts of governmentium which actually do increase its efficiency. These have nothing to do with the free radicals, who'll attack the stable parts as well.)

Edited February 3, 2009 by Baby Astronaut

[Kyrisch]

BA, that sounds like a badly veiled attack on liberalism, and on this forum politics is not something you want to bring up unless you're ready for the repercussions...

[Baby Astronaut]

The OP is already political. To me it sounds like the mantra of the anti-liberal party itself. So I just countered appropriately with my version of the "element".

 

Curious though, which portion resembled an attack on liberalism? I should have phrased the one description as "the more stable liberalium isotopes". Read it again with that change and see if you get the same impression.

[Kyrisch]

On second glance, I guess it can indeed be taken either way. Part of it just sounded like the government's response to terrorist attacks, which really pisses me off, and I guess it's making fun of that in and of itself.

[Baby Astronaut]

Yeah. Generally, the ones who accuse liberalism of doing big government are themselves as guilty of it, if not more so. They often attempt to shrink only the parts of government not benefitting their ideology and party -- which just so *happens* to shrink the opposition party. Thus the accusers seek to replace their opposition, to fill the empty seats left by them. And in the end government wouldn't shrink.

 

As for the other part, do terrorists hate *our* freedoms, or.....the freedoms of a select minority of politicians/industry who stealthily abuse our government's resources for harmful "pet interests" abroad?

 

(These guys would benefit from shrinking a government for the people, and by the people -- or at least that aspect of it)

Edited February 4, 2009 by Baby Astronaut

[John Cuthber]

Is it just me who thinks "It's just a joke: get over it"?

[insane_alien]

for once i agree with you, it was going so well until kyrisch 'the buzzkiller' stepped in.

[the guy]

haha thats very good