Politics

[Shadow]

Stick with it, it gets better:

 

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbor.

 

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

 

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

 

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

 

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…

 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

 

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

 

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

 

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

 

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

 

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

 

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

 

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

 

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy…

 

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

 

Cheers,

 

Gabe

 

PS.: Hope this isn't a repost

[Baby Astronaut]

That is freaking hilarious.

[ParanoiA]

I second that. Too bad it's too long to be a sig.

[Shadow]

You can make a sig from parts of it; I like Enron venture capitalism )

[ParanoiA]

I like the American Corporation. That's describes the company I work for perfectly, only they would hire a consultant to find out why the cow won't produce the milk for 4 cows, and implement a bureaucratic tally system so they could investigate where the cow is being inefficient.

[padren]

I usually hate adding to jokes as I never can write them as well as the original but I'll take a stab at adding a few contemporary scenarios:

 

 

 

SUBPRIME:

You buy ten times as many cows by buying old and often sickly cows

By always adding more cows, you ensure at any given time most cows will be alive

To be extra safe, you keep all the cows in one, unhygienic poorly ventilated warehouse

 

MADOFF METHOD:

You take money for cows, and write checks back with the memo "Milk Profits"

Maybe it's from milk, maybe it's from new investors

No one is really paying attention

 

BIG THREE AUTO:

You specialize is milk from fat, overfeed grain guzzling cows

You fire your milkers and move all your cows to Mexico, and have the milk shipped back

Back home, you wonder why no one can afford milk

 

WALLSTREET:

You sell pieces of paper that say COW on them.

Sometimes you buy back a few and sell back paper that says 3 COWS on them

Little words like "subprime" that also sometimes appear on the paper tends to get lost in these transactions

[Sisyphus]

Wall Street: You collect 5% of the profit from stockholders who have entrusted you to purchase 100 million 1/millionth fractions of promises to deliver the profits from the milk sales from the third generation of descendents of a worldwide network of sick, "subprime" cows. You are on so much cocaine right now.

[Pangloss]

Humor posts copied to the Political Humor thread over on the Politics board: http://www.scienceforums.net/forum/showthread.php?t=37962

 

Thanks!