Scientific Writing Style

[Anna]

I don't know if I'm posting this is the correct area as I'm new to the site but here goes. I am writing a paper for my Comparative Physiology class and it is worth 35% of my lab grade. I've received subsequently higher marks in all of my papers but with this one having such a heavy weight I want to get it just right. I am going to post the abstract to my paper, will anyone who knows scientific writing please critique and give me some pointers as to how to make it better?

 

First, a little background information on the paper. We compared ion osmoregulation of teleost fishes. Specifically one estuarine fish (the mosquito fish or Gambusia affinis) was acclimated to 7‰ salinity. Subjects were then placed in water at different salinities for 90 minutes. The fish were weighed prior to the change in salinity and after 45 and then 90 minutes. The salinities were 0‰, 7‰, 14‰, 21‰ and 27‰.

 

Abstract:

Fish adapt to the ion concentration of their surroundings via mitochondrion-rich cells in their gills (also referred to as chloride cells) and through kidney function. Estuarine fishes are highly adapted to saline fluctuations and as such are good animals with which to study ion regulation. Ion osmoregulation of the north Florida estuarine mosquito fish was compared over different measures of salinity. The fish were acclimated to water with salinity at 7‰ for three weeks. The acclimated fish were introduced into salinities ranging from 0 parts per thousand to salinity of 27‰. Osmoregulation was measured by mass of the fish at 90 minutes. It was noted that when fish were iso-osmotic to their surroundings their mass remained relatively constant; the fish inserted into 7‰ water displayed an average 4% decrease in mass. The fish that were hyper-osmotic to their surroundings gained mass as water flowed into their bodies despite osmoregulation; fish in the 0‰ test gained an additional 82% of their body mass. The fish that were hypo-osmotic to their solutions exhibited weight loss displaying water flow out of the body; these fish lost between 9% and 25% of their body mass.

 

Thanks for your help!

 

Anna

Edited April 21, 2009 by Anna

[Klaynos]

It's annoying to say but alot of it will depend a bit on who is reading/marking it, I know when I teach labs I tell the students things and they say that their previous marking told them differently (I'm right always though, clearly).

 

My two comments (I'm at work don't have much time):

 

I would star the first sentence with "It is know that" and end the sentence with a reference.

 

Is the plural of fish, not fish?