Cap'n Refsmmat Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Ok, we had a thread where you made up wacky news items, but then Sayonara said that wasn't what he wanted it to be, so I started my own. Any odd news story that is NOT true goes! Nuclear Missiles Launched at New Zealand! Bill Clinton Reveals Homosexual Relationship with Ken Starr! Iranian Town Spontaneously Combusts! Man Misspells URL, Discovering Secret Government Website Disclosing All About Conspiracies! more to come...
bloodhound Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Blair says he had sex with Bush Beckham scores a penalty
Cap'n Refsmmat Posted July 1, 2004 Author Posted July 1, 2004 Congress Proposes Act to Make Days 48 Hours Long Dell Corp. Goes Bankrupt Chernobyl Discovered to be Alien Crash Site Woman Gives Birth to Unknown Species, Scientist Believe it is the Fabled "Idiot" SETI Discovers Life on Alpha Centauri, Immediately is Closed Down by Government and that's not all!
JaKiri Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Drugs win war on drugs. That's an onion headline and you (possibly) know it. "President Confronts Depression with 'Big Deal' Plan: 'Big deal, I'm Rich!' Roosevelt Says"
atinymonkey Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Tribe of Baboons discovers cold fusion in Borneo, and promptly annex state. Internet porn to be replaced with internet norm, pictures of normal people doing everyday activitys in the sunshine. UN labeled 'Puerile' by 6 out of 10 world leaders.
Phi for All Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Poll shows 9 out of 10 viewers disgusted with "Reality" shows. US colleges to start placing less emphasis on sports and more on education. Voting apparatus for US presidential election this fall deemed 100% reliable. Cell phone use while driving improves reflexes. Haliburton announces non-fossil fuel research to take precedence. General Electric posts cheap cold fusion plans on Internet. Mel Gibson to star in "Spawn". McDonald's drops fries in favor of organic carrot sticks.
jordan Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Study shows little kids are more likely to be picked on by big kids rather than the other way around. Oh, wait. That one was a real headline.
atinymonkey Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Lone Koala proves Jordan unfunny using powerpoint and a bar chart.
Cap'n Refsmmat Posted July 1, 2004 Author Posted July 1, 2004 Bigfoot Captured, is Actually a Disgruntled Postal Worker! New Internet Virus Aims to Replace All Computer's Web Browsers with Mozilla Firefox, Security Experts Say
Phi for All Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Woman Gives Birth to Unknown Species, Scientist Believe it is the Fabled "Idiot"July 6, 1946, New Haven, CT--George and Barbara Bush have found themselves at the center of a scientific controversy. The Navy pilot and the Smith College dropout have no idea how their newborn infant could possibly have turned out to be a completely non-human species. Scientists examining the newborn, tentatively named "Curious George" after a popular children's book character, are hesitant to point to father George's many multi-G jet maneuvers and mother Barbara's glue-sniffing addiction, but aren't ready to rule them out either. George Jr will remain under observation at the newly formed Secret Haliburton Infant Testing facility to find out if this poor idiot child can be put to productive use in modern society.
jordan Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Lone Koala proves Jordan unfunny using powerpoint and a bar chart. Ouch. Maybe you didn't realize that was an actual study (done in your own country I believe). Maybe you did an didn't care. Whatever you like.
atinymonkey Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Ouch. Maybe you didn't realize that was an actual study (done in your own country I believe). Maybe you did an didn't care. Whatever you like. No I knew that, here is a picture of the presentation:-
J'Dona Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Land Bridge forms between England and France; French Government claims England as new province Contact sports found to reduce IQ; enzymes in pigs' bladders blamed World unites behind global currency; the Canadian Dollar Japan joins European Union Video games found to develop hand eye coordination, and make kids into better human beings RPG's found to build character Amish President elected; civilization outlawed "War" declared an expletive in Canada and outlawed
jordan Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 here is a picture of the presentation:- Hhhmmm... I guess the tabloids really are filled with lies because that picture contains neither a power point presentation nor a bar chart. I was so hoping for a bar chart when I saw much time you used up to make that picture. Oh well.
Dave Posted July 2, 2004 Posted July 2, 2004 It's a pie chart. Pies are always good, no matter what the occasion. The fact there's a Koala on there is just an added bonus tbh.
Phi for All Posted July 4, 2004 Posted July 4, 2004 3.5" floppy diskettes become top sellers in collectibles market! Potatoes linked to herpes! $290 million lottery winner flushed ticket! Saddam Hussein to be executed using marshmallows and a whoopee cushion! Mathemetician hospitalized with self-inflicted cattle prod wounds!
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