Hot Pocket Engineers

[NavajoEverclear]

I think I should make it tradition to make a thread daily of something that pisses me off. Today it's hot pockets. If you in UK, might not know what i mean, but surely you have some similar food product: breadish pouch with stuff inside, usually some meat combined with cheese. They are kept in the freezer, then microwaved in a jacket of some type of metalish stuff that doesn't burn.

 

Well you microwave them for the given time and take them out. SOMEHOW both ends are so hot that the leaking cheese scalds me, and YET the meat and cheese in the center of the pocket is STILL FREAKING FROZEN. The pockets aren't that big, i don't understand how such a range in temperature occurs.

 

And I like to blame all my minor annoyances on engineers. So damn those Hot Pocket Engineers for doing such a crappy job. Or maybe the hot pocket jacket engineers, maybe they could have a metal rod that peirces the center so it gets the heat it somehow has previously failed. See look how easy it was to find a solution, but its not my job, its theirs and they didn't do it. and it pisses me off.

[Phi for All]

First of all, Navajo, it's the microwave's fault. They tend to heat the ends of things and leave the middle alone. It's one of Newton's Laws, I believe. "Microwave radiation tends to create uneven heating for the purpose of human discomfort." It's something like that. Sir Isaac used to get mouth burns all the time.

 

Second, you should stay away from anything that promises instant processed gratification like a Hot Pocket. Make yourself a pita or something. Do you have any idea what's in a Hot Pocket? Do you know they are allowed by law to NOT mention all the bug droppings, cigarette ash and insect parts that get into the mixture? Hot Pockets and similar microwaveable comfort foods are Satan-spawned turds designed to slowly make you agreeable to eating anything. They are bad for your health (yes, even the Healthy Pockets, which are simply low-fat turds with chicken instead of beef), and they are only good for the manufacturers, who get to fill a cheap flour crust with glop they've thrown together from an unclean vat and freeze it so you can burn your mouth, poison yourself and then go out and buy more.

 

Sorry, I'm not a big fan pf processed foods.

[atinymonkey]

I think I know the food things your talking about, Scott Adams makes a version called the Dilberto. They look quite good, in a kind of novelty food way.

 

Just for information, I am not aware of such a product existing in the UK. I don't think there is much of a market for that sort of thing. Quick food in the UK kitchen runs along the lines of baked beans on toast, tomato soup or the traditional cubed monkfish served in a champagne sauce garnished with kiwi fruit, with new potatoes on the side.

 

We do have those pop tart things tho, they are quite neat. Mind you, people still don't buy them.

[Phi for All]

We do have those pop tart things tho, they are quite neat. Mind you, people still don't buy them.

Pop Tarts are actually quite good. If you toast them twice and them let them sit out for two days, they form a molecular bond that makes them useful as roofing shingles.

 

They're too expensive to use this way, but they will last longer than regular 3-tab asphalt shingles. Unfortunately, this will void the warranty on your roof due to the excessive weight.

[jordan]

Phi, you've got quite the imagination.

 

Navajo, next time you think, check to see if that little metal jacket has a patent. I believe I saw they had a patent for it which is just rediculous for two reasons:

 

1) It took them all of 10 seconds to think up.

2) It apperently doesn't work.

[swansont]

First of all, Navajo, it's the microwave's fault. They tend to heat the ends of things and leave the middle alone.

 

let me add:

 

We discussed microwave "dead zones" in the "ant in a microwave" thread.

 

Add to that the feedback effect that frozen water is less likely to absorb the radiation than liquid water. So the area that defrosts first will then tend to be a more efficient absorber and heat up even faster.

 

It's not so much the Hot Pockets engineers conspiring against you. It's Mother Nature herself.

[Phi for All]

Phi, you've got quite the imagination.

In case this was in response to the allowable filth in processed foods, here's some links to follow up on (WARNING: if you eat a lot of processed foods and believe that ignorance is bliss, DO NOT READ THIS!):

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/morefilth1.html

http://slinkster1.tripod.com/life/filthinfood.htm

[jordan]

It was more in refrence to things like this:

 

It's one of Newton's Laws, I believe. "Microwave radiation tends to create uneven heating for the purpose of human discomfort." It's something like that. Sir Isaac used to get mouth burns all the time.

[Phi for All]

OK, I looked it up and I was wrong about that.

[Dave]

Pop Tarts are actually quite good. If you toast them twice and them let them sit out for two days, they form a molecular bond that makes them useful as roofing shingles.

 

This is so good, I'm considering putting it in my sig

 

However, the lolly roffles quote I currently have is also quite tempting. Hmm, decisions, decisions...

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

Do you have one of those rotating microwave platters? I'd think it would help eliminate the problem...

 

Don't worry dave, I'll use it instead.

[Phi for All]

This is so good' date=' I'm considering putting it in my sig

 

However, the lolly roffles quote I currently have is also quite tempting. Hmm, decisions, decisions...[/quote']How much is KHinfcube22 paying you?

[jordan]

I would think that the problem could still exist with the ratating microwaves since the center ins't moving all that much...unless you put the hot pocket on the outside of the platter but then you'd probably have to increase the time...

[Dave]

How much is KHinfcube22 paying you?

 

Not enough

 

(PS: anyone seen him, since like, forever?)

[jordan]

(PS: anyone seen him, since like, forever?)

Yes, later at night (my time) every few days.

 

Doesn't fit! Argh!

What?

[NavajoEverclear]

Yeah it does rotate. I would prefer pita if we had it, my mom does the shopping and buys lots of that processes crap, and gets kinda offended it I tell her to make different choices since i'm not the one paying for groceries. However considering Phi's comment, i'll try to find alternatives. I already should know better than eating processed foods, i just selectively forget for convenience. But now realizing it is not really convinient . . . .

[jordan]

I don't know that eating the processed foods will harm you at all, it's just the gross factor. Convience vs. Sanitation I guess.

[swansont]

I would think that the problem could still exist with the ratating microwaves since the center ins't moving all that much...unless you put the hot pocket on the outside of the platter but then you'd probably have to increase the time...

 

Or, you could do what is probably recommended in the instructions: let it sit for a minute or two before eating. This gives the food time to equilibrate - the hot spots cool, and the cold spots heat up, due to good ol' conduction.