Should I make a move on this girl that keeps looking at me in my classes?

[Genecks]

Alright, so, for about three weeks, this girl keeps looking at me. Let's call her "asian chick that's not bad looking and probably in her early 20s." At first I was thinking that maybe she has some staring problem, but today... she made a deliberate look. You know, the person turns their head enough that any person would have endured a little bit of strain trying to do a neck turn like that and if only to gain a second's glance at the other person being looked at.

 

Personally, I've got wayyy too much B.S. in my life at the moment. Not toooo much. I mean, I've learned how to deal with having a relationship and managing my time. But I don't have a lot of time except a few hours per week, maybe, to donate to a girl. If the girl is seriously interested in me, I would definitely make it worth my while: I'm fond of clingy girls who obsess.

 

She's in two of my classes. I've caught her looking at me during lecture, even though she's wayy across the lecture hall. So, either this chick thinks I'm a freak and fun to look at (truth be, I've been wearing black cargo pants, black plaid, black shirts, and black&white vans as of late) or she's interested.

 

I don't think she has too many reasons to be interested unless she's a sapiosexual, because I act like a silly chatterbox in class. Sometimes I'm a rhetorical ass. For instance, I was in discussion one time, and I kept saying to people, "Oh.. there's that symbol... geeze, omg... what's the term for it.. you know.. it's two dots... uhh.... ... ... .. colon.. that's it." heh. I have a very subtle humor. It's hard to see.

 

Yeah, but w/e. I don't know what this chick's deal is.

Truth be, I wouldn't mind at least trying it out.

 

As far as I know, she keeps looking at me and making glances. And this last one was very deliberate...

 

But... uh.. I've tried hooking up with other science majors around this place. My first experience was a very, very, very bad one. And I wouldn't really want to try it again. I thought it would be cool to date a girl into neuroscience like me; she ended up being immature, cancelling possible dates, and ditched me to go have sex with guys. Girl was crazy, weird, bipolar, depressive, etc.. The kind I seriously attempt to avoid. Very edgy, too. Bad experience.

 

I remember I was really into this TA, too. The professor directly told me to "stop fucking with" her. Maybe he thought I was messing with her. Maybe she thought I was messing with her (or she did feel harassed and was too insecure to say so). I did no such harassment, though. Very annoying situation, and I was attempted to accuse him of slander and talk to administration about it, since he said this infront of my peers and a friend of mine from a different city. It's something I'm going to make sure I confront him about and call him an asshole about after I get my degree. Maybe I'll punch him in the mouth and go to jail for a while. I've learned to feel proud from doing what I believe in. Like a good spy, I got to know the guy. He's a messed up person and a sexist pig, in reality. Probably foolishly thought the same of me. Some weird Freudian stuff there.

 

Bad experiences to say the least.

 

If anything, I could at least chat her up and try to be her friend, hang out with her, and get to know her. I'm a firm believer in getting to know a girl before dating her these days. Can't start any legal harassment bullshit against a person who wants to be your friend. That's for damn sure. I hate the shallow, annoying women around the area, though. You trying being a guy who wants to build a relationship; then they get paranoid and think you want them as an object or something else.... I keep meeting messed up women, or else a good amount of them are like that around here.

Edited July 19, 2010 by Genecks

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

But... uh.. I've tried hooking up with other science majors around this place. My first experience was a very, very, very bad one. And I wouldn't really want to try it again. I thought it would be cool to date a girl into neuroscience like me; she ended up being immature, cancelling possible dates, and ditched me to go have sex with guys. Girl was crazy, weird, bipolar, depressive, etc.. The kind I seriously attempt to avoid. Very edgy, too. Bad experience.

 

I think you can get that type of person in any major. There's no personality problem that's exclusive to a particular degree.

[Genecks]

I think you can get that type of person in any major. There's no personality problem that's exclusive to a particular degree.

 

Definitely. The point I was trying to make is that if the person is in the same major as me, I more than likely have to see them in a few more of my classes. For instance, the bipolar girl? Well, I'm going to have to be in the same class as her next semester and the semester after that. I know this for sure. I'm going to be sitting in the same area as her for a year. It's going to be a mess. That's going to be a serious pain. I rather have had an academic ally than a personal enemy.

Edited July 19, 2010 by Genecks

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

Definitely. The point I was trying to make is that if the person is in the same major as me, I more than likely have to see them in a few more of my classes. For instance, the bipolar girl? Well, I'm going to have to be in the same class as her next semester and the semester after that. I know this for sure. I'm going to be sitting in the same area as her for a year. It's going to be a mess. That's going to be a serious pain. I rather have had an academic ally than a personal enemy.

 

Oh, I see, you're trying to avoid long-term awkwardness. But that can swing both ways. If you do well with someone in your major, you'll be able to go to classes together, help each other on homework, trade stories about professors, and so on.

 

But anyway, back to the topic at hand. You say she sits way across the lecture hall, and looks at you. How are you certain she's looking directly at you? At long distance it can be hard to tell. Perhaps she has a friend who sits near you that she looks at. Perhaps the clock is right behind you. Do you have any other indication of interest, or is it just looks?

 

Chatting her up and getting to know her is never a bad choice, though. Even if she's just looking at the clock, you may find she's fun to be with. Or you may find that she's slightly crazy. Either way, you'll have useful knowledge for your future moves.

[Genecks]

Oh, I see, you're trying to avoid long-term awkwardness. But that can swing both ways. If you do well with someone in your major, you'll be able to go to classes together, help each other on homework, trade stories about professors, and so on.

 

But anyway, back to the topic at hand. You say she sits way across the lecture hall, and looks at you. How are you certain she's looking directly at you? At long distance it can be hard to tell. Perhaps she has a friend who sits near you that she looks at. Perhaps the clock is right behind you. Do you have any other indication of interest, or is it just looks?

 

Chatting her up and getting to know her is never a bad choice, though. Even if she's just looking at the clock, you may find she's fun to be with. Or you may find that she's slightly crazy. Either way, you'll have useful knowledge for your future moves.

 

I've been in that room before. The clock is wayy behind us. They actually try hiding the clocks from the students around UIC. And, she definitely looking at me. She kept trying to make eye contact. I'm pretty sure she has an interest, although somewhat unsupported, I think.

 

Maybe I've tainted an experiment, but a person can only have so much peripheral vision in a large room (250+ people room). And she was sitting far away enough that if I look straight at the project screen, I can't see her. I would have to turn my head to see her. So, one day, I got the idea and thought to myself, "She's been looking at me a lot in the 8 a.m. class. What's her deal? Is she looking at me in this class, too?"

 

So, I turn my head for a brief moment, and I catch her glancing. I'm sitting across the room, and I smirk with a slightly held yet silenced chuckle. Probably nodding my head no because of the insanity of it all.

[jimmydasaint]

Genecks - can it be wrong just to be friends or study buddies? You and she don't have to take it any further forward except for sharing time together. Even time in the library or tea rooms as platonic friends. She may think that you are a funny, quirky guy and someone that stands out from the crowd. Even in the 21st century you can still have a non sexual relationship.

[Zolar V]

Imo, with my VAST experience i have been able to deduce girls to a very simple few properties.

1.) they are only into you because you have desirable traits:

 

--A healthy look(which includes eyeglasses, if you can't see with them then use contacts cuz they don't know the difference and thus you appear healthy)

Healthy look also includes, smell, height and weight.

--strength or the appearance of such

 

--A good sense of wit.

 

2.) If you are lacking in one of those 3 categories AND there is someone in the class with you that has all of those categories then the women is not interested in you, she is interested in that guy/girl.

 

You can calculate these traits yourself by performing a number of "blind" experiments with unwitting people. Some of the results are best exemplified by people that lack inhibiting thought processes. such as people under the effects of alcohol will give you a more truthful response.

 

But beyond that, women are more of a nuisance; i suppose my view is quite slanted but i try to be as unbiased as possible when observing the above phenomena.

[JohnB]

But beyond that, women are more of a nuisance;

Women are the best thing about belonging to a species with two sexes.

 

Genecks, it's a wonder Uni students manage to procreate at all. You're trying to work out the ins and outs of the possible future and you've yet to talk to the girl! Sheesh.

 

Stop over thinking, stop asking everybody elses opinion about what a guy people haven't met should do about a girl they don't know.

 

Just ask her if she'd like a coffee. If no, then fine you have your answer. If yes, you still have your answer so go for coffee and talk to the girl.

 

Just talk to the girl. If you don't, somebody else will and you will luck out.

 

Have you ever wondered why so many attractive and wonderful women are dating deadheads? Because the nice guys are so busy overthinking things that they never ask the girls out! They date the deadheads because the deadheads are the only ones who ask. What's the girl supposed to do? Keep batting her eyes at you and stay home on Saturday night, or accept a date from some fool with gristle between his ears? At least the fool is showing that he wants to spend some time with her, which right now would put him several points ahead of you.

 

Go for it.

 

Cheers,

 

JohnB

[Ophiolite]

If you don't go for it you will still be wondering in fifty years time what might have happened.

 

If you do go for it the worst that happens is you suffer a few moments of embarrassment, or a disappointing short term relationship.

 

(Aged persons know all to well the things we regret are not the things we did, but the things we did not do.)

[ParanoiA]

To me, the best evidence for god is that women will have anything to do with men. If I were you, I would appreciate the gift of a female admirer that, apparently, didn't require the usual jumps through hoops, humiliation experiments and false fronts to attain.

 

From what you've described, she kind of knows you. Yet she still possibly likes you. I wouldn't push my luck much further. Ask her out and win her heart before she finds out about your really disgusting habits.

[Genecks]

It's worth a try. I'll take it slow and ask if she wants to study for both classes. I think she's perhaps the only person that is in at least two of the classes I'm in now. She's a valuable teammate if anything.

[Genecks]

Sometimes I think reality is too surreal.

Fate/Nature/God is against me... all that jazz.

 

Check this out:

So, I was in my last class for the day, and something happened. The girl actually left her binder underneath her desk. Everyone else was gone. I would have left it there and thought to myself, "Oh, she'll come back and get it." Fact is, however, that there was someone in there the other day using the room as a study area late at night. So, I grabbed it and brought it with me. It was about 5 p.m. when all this happened yesterday.

 

So, I emailed her and told her that I had her binder. I told her I would be around until 6:30 p.m.. I left my phone number so that she could reach me. I didn't really feel like carrying her binder around, and I didn't know what I was going to do next on campus, because I didn't feel like being there any longer. I went to a cafe, sat down, ate dinner, and then after studying and eating, I came out around 6:20 p.m., not having received a phone call, and saw her sitting and studying outside of the cafe area. I thought to myself, "WTF, man? Is this chick hunting me? Is this coincidence? Is this fate? Is this really, really fatalistic?"

 

I gave her back her binder, chatted her up, and asked if she wanted to study. She had a straight-lace face and said she was already in a study group and wasn't too interested. So I left her alone and went on my merry way. But yeah, for her to be outside the cafe area? Well, she didn't know where I was. Also, a lot of places around the campus act like a Faraday cage, so I can't get a signal except in certain places.

 

But the funny thing is that she emailed me last night:

Thank you so much for picking up my binder! I didn't receive your first email before I emailed you, so I was near tears thinking I lost it or if you had it, I wouldn't see you until Monday. What are the odds that we would bump into each other in the cafeteria!

 

About the study group, I was talking about the "lotto" that people were signing up for and 14 people were chosen to be in the group. All the spots are filled, but the peer leader can help if you have questions. It's 12-1:30 in the science learning center. Or we could study together if you want.

 

...

 

I've personally given people I like and am interested in a straight-lace face to make them think I'm not interested. But I don't do that immature stuff anymore. I don't play those games.

 

I don't know why she kind of changed her mind at the last moment. This was maybe a few hours after I gave her the binder. I don't know what to think of this, really. I'm definitely not in the mood to play games nor do I have the time. Either she meant to leave that binder there or she didn't. It could have been subconscious, I don't know. If she did that on purpose, I'm going to have to play this girl in a game of chess.

 

Either way, I have a feeling that I was meant to talk to her or some kind of time/space rip would have occurred. I've done my universal duty.

Edited July 22, 2010 by Genecks

[Emilio Primo]

Some girls play these kinds of games because letting on too early that they are into you will give you a certain amount of "authority"

 

So women can be rather confusing, and I have yet to meet anyone man who has them all figured out.

 

Cheers, Emilio

[Ophiolite]

Jesus, man. Give me a break. Could you try to begin the process of maturing maybe sooner, rather than later.

 

Here you are hmming and hahing over what to do on an internet forum and yet you won't grant her the same right to uncertainty. You don't even consider the possibility that she was sitting there thinking "Why doesn't the big mutt just ask me out. all he seems interested in is being in a study group. He isn't interested in me."

 

Meanwhile you aren't prepared to put in a little bit of time and effort to build a worthwhile relationship - maybe a clue there as to why you got screwed over on earlier ones?

 

Get a ruddy move on.

 

And good luck.

[forufes]

maybe she was too surprised to see you at the cafe that she blundered, after absorbing the fateful meeting[hours], she vented her true feelings in an email, sounding to have difficulty at accepting that what happened was true..

 

just go for it man

Edited July 22, 2010 by forufes

[Zolar V]

TAKE THE GODDAMNED PLUNGE MAN!

 

otherwise you will regret it for the rest of your life(like i do).

[michel123456]

Read Ophiolite

[ParanoiA]

You guys are just taking all the fun out of this.

 

Genecks, dude, don't listen to them. She's totally playing chess with you man. She could be psycho. Psycho's make great temporary lovers, but you risk "blowback", and I'm not talking the good kind either..

 

You should leave your binder under your desk and see if she takes the bait. And then shadow her for hours like she did you, and then be 'available' when she steps outside with your binder. This will earn her respect for you because she'll know she's met her match. She's likely to drop the act and jump in your arms right there. Trust me man...

[JohnB]

Be funny if she was a lurker here.

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

I like Richard Jeni's dating method.

 

(slightly inappropriate, so don't play it loud at work)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0IzOznacNo

[Mr Skeptic]

Ah, well, you already know the correct course of action. You man up, and let her know you're interested. Before she gives up on you/someone else does first. I know the feeling and it is not a nice one. But, all you have to loose is a bit of pride and that portion of the fantasy world where you can pretend she is interested in you because you don't know she isn't. It will only get harder the longer you wait, since you have invested more time in her (well, wondering about her). You'll have to face the truth sooner or later, and in either case it is best to do it sooner. Unless you prefer an imaginary relationship than a chance at a real one.

 

Hey, no one ever said that when you ask for advice that you will like it when it is given to you.

 

Oh, and if you decide to go the hint route, consider whether you would consider her not following up on it to be a rejection or not having noticed. If she refuses several hints and you keep going after her because you are hoping she just didn't notice them, you could get in trouble. Or she could be as uncertain as you. If you're relying on hints you're hoping she's more "man" than you.

[CharonY]

At which point does the hitting with a club and dragging into the cave come in? I always forget.

[ParanoiA]

At which point does the hitting with a club and dragging into the cave come in? I always forget.

 

After the restraining order has been issued...

[jimmydasaint]

Thank you so much for picking up my binder! I didn't receive your first email before I emailed you, so I was near tears thinking I lost it or if you had it, I wouldn't see you until Monday. What are the odds that we would bump into each other in the cafeteria!

 

About the study group, I was talking about the "lotto" that people were signing up for and 14 people were chosen to be in the group. All the spots are filled, but the peer leader can help if you have questions. It's 12-1:30 in the science learning center. Or we could study together if you want.

 

She is being understandably cautious face to face, but the e-mail suggests real warmth and that she wants you as a study partner. Take it slow, study with her, and you are unlikely to regret it.

[DJBruce]

In my opinion, you might have already lost this one. However, if you are interested in trying to win her back man up and make a strong confident proposal to her about going on a date. Running around the bush does not work when trying to date. However, be prepared if you seek out a date make sure you are willing to give the time and energy needed to be in a successful relationship. That being said you might have missed the window where she is interested her with your in decision and contemplation.

 

In the future I would recommend that you be a little more spontaneous with things, and not read to much into small things. Also asking for help from the internet is generally not the best place to seek relationship help.