little boy needs help

[random]

It's a long story but to cut to the chase the boy's Mom and Dad have split. The children reside with the Mother and have not seen the Father for about a year due to his psychiatric problems. The Father is now going back to court as his condition has stabilized but the Mother is Vehemently opposed to him seeing the children. The Mother has been to see a psychologist with her son at which the boy claimed to have injured himself on purpose and that he will do so again should he have to see his Father. Now here is where it get's tricky the little boy has discussed with me privately that he misses his Dad and he didn't hurt himself on purpose to escape being with his Dad as he said. He has confided that if he does not do as his Mom say's and say bad things about his Dad his Mom won't let him do anything. She grounds him to his room and doesn't let him see his friends or other things he enjoys. He has even made a serious allegation that his Father choked him. I have to stay neutral on this issue but how can the father get a psychiatrist to give credibility and thus investigate the manipulation of his son?. The Boy feels very guilty you can see he has became very withdrawn and depressed over all of this and privately talking with his Mother fby me on his behalf only leads her to punish him for talking about it. I'm at my wits end I even brought this to the attention of Child protective services and they shrug it off. This is seriously damaging that little boy. Stress induced psychosis is very prominent on his father's side of the family and seeming as how his stories are becoming more elaborate and unbelievable (at his Mother's encouragement) I cannot help but think he may be lapsing into this state. Please if anyone can shed light on what needs to be said or done to get some credibility into this issue please help this little boy.

[dragonstar57]

talk to the mother about but recored it and take it to the police

just make sure to put a sign that says that entering the building consents to be recorded

[ewmon]

No surprise here. This is rather common. You have a window into the world of evils perpetrated by mothers on their children.

 

On a closely related issue, courts have now begun to recognize something they call "disparagement", where one parent (typically the mother) verbally instills such fear (unfounded, of course) in her children about their other parent (typically the father) that they refuse to go on visitations with him, and it forms a vicious cycle. It's living vicariously through the children, it's infantile, it's abusive ... and it's criminal as far as I'm concerned because my children were horribly victimized by this, and now they're messed up young men. However, if they throw the mother in jail, who will take care of the kids? So, despite the courts recognizing this abusiveness, they are limited in enforcing it.

Edited September 12, 2010 by ewmon

[jackson33]

The children reside with the Mother and have not seen the Father for about a year due to his psychiatric problems. The Father is now going back to court as his condition has stabilized but the Mother is Vehemently opposed to him seeing the children. [/Quote]

 

random; In assuming it was a simple agreement (not a court order) to prevent the Father from visitation and the Father's psychiatrist will testify to a recovery (assume never a violent problem), the children will no doubt be allowed to visit as they had before. If it WAS a court order restriction, the wording would be important but would not likely change the outcome.

 

Social Services, attorney's and Family Court Judges, handle these situation on a daily basis, understanding the friction involved between divorced parents and the children. What I would not do or probably had done, was get involved, without some evidence of actual physical harm to the child. Apparently you are a link for the one(?) child into his reality and if there are some unmentioned circumstances (a really bad mother) your actions/involvement will be mentioned, possibly hurting that child even more.

Edited September 12, 2010 by jackson33

[random]

it was a simple court order no access without approval of child protective services Psychiatrist has written a letter stating recovery child protective services has taken the stance that since they were not able to assess his interaction with the children they are reccommending supervised access. The Father is fine with this and his lawyer anticipates no difficulties in arranging supervised leading to unsupervised.

 

But we are off topic. It is the damage being caused to the little boy that is the issue I've done a bit of research and the technique is known as "gas lighting" where she so totally controls the little boy that he will do anything she requests so he will not be in trouble later. Just how do you get a court to actually take this into account because he will not tell on her as he knows he will be in big trouble later?

[Mr Skeptic]

Use a voice recorder so that the kid can send a spoken message to his dad, which his dad could then use as evidence if the boy also mentions the abuses his mother is doing on him. Of course not an ideal solution either since his mom might end up in trouble with the boy feeling guilty about it, and also the dad might relapse.

[random]

thanks for the responses but I am moreso looking for a way to very convincingly argue in court that this manipulation needs further investigation. I could quietly pass this info to the Dad and not have to resort to under handed tactics. As I said before I need to remain neutral or the mother will cut off contact to the child and his other relatives on the father's side mainly their grand mother. I was hoping a psychiatrist would offer up some important wording the court would not ignore. Basically the only way to help the child is to get him away from his mother so he'll speak freely about what she does and be free of her repercussions.

[Mr Skeptic]

Does the child go to school? There he should be largely free of his mom's influence.

[random]

The poor boy is absolutely petrified and very untrusting. He knows if his Mom finds out he was talking he will be in big trouble. He has no confidentiality as his Mom reviews what is said between him and counsellors and he is punished for anything negative he has said about her. He knows he cannot go back on what was said about his Dad because his Mom will find out and he'll be punished.

[Moontanman]

However, if they throw the mother in jail, who will take care of the kids?

 

 

Um... the dad? I was subjected to this when i was a kid, it's maddening for sure but once i had kids I realized that although Mom was wrong Dad could have stepped up the plate but all he really wanted was to use me to control mom. My Dad really didn't want the responsibility of kids, he just wanted to do the same thing as mom, use me. Both parents were in the wrong and it took me many years to realize this.

[pioneer]

Psycho mom must have put her husband over the edge, since according to your testimony, he only needed a little push. If she is that stressful to her son, I am sure she used her witch skills to do the same to her husband. Culture sort of took away the therapeutic witch slap from the male, which in this particular case, may have nipped this in the bud. If dad had gone to a biker bar to seek advice and learn how to deal with a witch, this may have turned out differently.

 

The major way women abuse men in relationships is with consistent verbal nagging. That can drive males to drink. There is no law against this form of spousal abuse, with most males not equipped to out nag a nag in self defense. Nature gave men larger physical size for his self defense in such situations, but he can't use it according to the law. The result is we get situations were nagging abuse is given too much right of expression all the way to destruction.

 

Say she brought this nagging into the work place to create a hostile environment, where her co-worker are afraid to do or say anything. One of her coworkers (husband) has to leave the job and the other who needs this job (son) is afraid each day.

Edited September 18, 2010 by pioneer

[Moontanman]

Psycho mom must have put her husband over the edge, since according to your testimony, he only needed a little push. If she is that stressful to her son, I am sure she used her witch skills to do the same to her husband. Culture sort of took away the therapeutic witch slap from the male, which in this particular case, may have nipped this in the bud. If dad had gone to a biker bar to seek advice and learn how to deal with a witch, this may have turned out differently.

 

HB, seriously dude, a bitch slap is the correct thing to do in this situation? Go to a biker bar for advice? Maybe go to a biker bar if your looking to hire a hit man, in the moves, in real life you'd be more likely to get your ass kicked by a biker chick, I never figured you for a misogynist HB...

 

The major way women abuse men in relationships is with consistent verbal nagging. That can drive males to drink. There is no law against this form of spousal abuse, with most males not equipped to out nag a nag in self defense. Nature gave men larger physical size for his self defense in such situations, but he can't use it according to the law. The result is we get situations were nagging abuse is given too much right of expression all the way to destruction.

 

You can't ignore verbal nagging? You call nagging abuse? Nagging drives men to drink? Let some one slap the shit out of you then have sex with you while you taste blood in your mouth from the slap, "yeah that's better baby, just behave and everything will be ok....."

 

Say she brought this nagging into the work place to create a hostile environment, where her co-worker are afraid to do or say anything. One of her coworkers (husband) has to leave the job and the other who needs this job (son) is afraid each day.

 

Nagging in the work place is the same as physical abuse of a spouse who can't get away from you because you will beat the shit of of her if she does? The males behavior is ok? you never though he might have actually done something to upset his spouse resulting in the nagging? You've got to be kidding me.... I am quite sure there is plenty of blame to go around in the OP's case, blaming the woman is bullshit, both of them need to get their act together, the woman might really be an asshole and the man completely innocent but both are obviously not handling the situation in the correct way and the son suffers while they fight, so juvinile... Both of them need a knot jerked in thier asses....

Edited September 18, 2010 by Moontanman

[dragonstar57]

HB, seriously dude, a bitch slap is the correct thing to do in this situation? Go to a biker bar for advice? Maybe go to a biker bar if your looking to hire a hit man, in the moves, in real life you'd be more likely to get your ass kicked by a biker chick, I never figured you for a misogynist HB...

 

 

 

You can't ignore verbal nagging? You call nagging abuse? Nagging drives men to drink? Let some one slap the shit out of you then have sex with you while you taste blood in your mouth from the slap, "yeah that's better baby, just behave and everything will be ok....."

 

 

 

Nagging in the work place is the same as physical abuse of a spouse who can't get away from you because you will beat the shit of of her if she does? The males behavior is ok? you never though he might have actually done something to upset his spouse resulting in the nagging? You've got to be kidding me.... I am quite sure there is plenty of blame to go around in the OP's case, blaming the woman is bullshit, both of them need to get their act together, the woman might really be an asshole and the man completely innocent but both are obviously not handling the situation in the correct way and the son suffers while they fight, so juvinile... Both of them need a knot jerked in thier asses....

verbal and physiological abuse is just as much as a problem as physical abuse

and worse because there no marks.

nagging is nothing but when it becomes a physiological mind game what is one to do?

after in most cases the female is most likely smarter than the male and the only way the male knows to defend himself is physical violence.

this is no excuse

or even near an excuse

but the problem is there

and i doubt it will be resolved

while no one would dare tell a "modern" woman that they ought to be cooking and cleaning

it would not be a shocker to hear someone tell a man that they should be doing their own plumbing, electrical drywalling, car repair etc.

where women can wear any colors they chose men cannot wear most many colors such as red,blue,green etc

but this is becoming off topic so i digress