tar Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) All, Gentleman I work with's father quit the same day I did, back in April. Neither of us knew the other was quitting, or even knew each other. The son told me this was going to be his "test" because he was going back to China and would be "unsupervised", and on his own. He told me that he told his father he had to continue to not smoke as I, his quitting partner am continuing to not smoke. I suggested he tell his dad again Phi's "not an option" principle, and suggested the father should think of the most beautiful Chinese movie star, and consider that going out with her is not an option, and think of not smoking in the same way. Just not an option. By the way, the young lady that said she would stop if I did, that did stop a month or so back is still stopped and this weekend, I am coming up on the half year mark. My wife is still smoking, but less and less. I think she is on her own schedule of tapering. My sister has really bad bronchitis but has zero interest in stopping. It is probably very required that one wants to stop, in order to stop. I am just here to tell you that I find my quest for the 100 things that make you feel good, that are free and healthy and natural and good in and of themselves, is still "working" in a more and more sustainable way, with less and less chance of failure. I am not going to go back to smoking, when there are so many other ways to get the dopamine without the costs. If you do smoke, and would like to keep smoking, that is your choice, I can not change your mind, and I know exactly where you are coming from, and actually think its OK, while being somewhat dangerous, in that it does make one "feel good", and that is what we are all after anyway, but if you do think it might be better to not smoke, the best plan I can suggest is to learn how to live without the nicotine. And as I have repeatedly suggested, the best time to see what it is like, is Saturday Morning, when your nicotine levels are low, and your body and mind are demanding endorphines. Just see if you can't enjoy yourself for that first hour, without the nicotine, and then go ahead and indulge. I am 100 percent sure, you can feel good, without the nicotine. Its the endorphines or the dopamine rather, that makes you feel good, anyway. Its not the nicotine. The nicotine just causes the dopamine to get released. So just learn how to cut out the middleman, and go right for the dopamine, and you will learn that you do not need the middleman. Then if you would rather not smoke, than smoke, you can just not smoke. Regards, TAR Edited October 2, 2014 by tar
tar Posted November 17, 2014 Posted November 17, 2014 Another young woman at my work passed me on Friday and announced 4 days without a cigarette. I smiled, and patted her on the back.
tar Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Phi, At the beginning of Nov. my Dad took a fall and banged his head badly. My stepmom who quit smoking, sort of, asked me to buy her a pack of cigarettes, which she smoked, and she asked me to buy her another pack recently. I mention this, because I too have had great urge to smoke a cigarette on several occassions over the last month (with some dire family situations), but I have not, and the primary strength or reason to have not smoked one, is your suggestion to just make smoking not an option. And the knowledge that the nicotine receptors release dopamine into your brain, that I learned in the links offered in this thread, have me realizing that smoking a cigarette would just be a loss, not worth the momentary fake pleasure, it would cause. So thanks Phi. Thanks for suggesting I just make smoking "not an option". Its working out just fine, to have smoking "not an option". Regards, TAR By the way, my Dad is doing better and better and is mentally all there, and has gotten out of the hospital for the second time, and is in rehab, to get his body back strong enough to stand with a walker and take care of himself and go back home, to the pleasures of football, and reading, kitchen and dog and wife and fire and making bread and the like. All those "good" ways to get dopamine for free.
Phi for All Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Phi, At the beginning of Nov. my Dad took a fall and banged his head badly. My stepmom who quit smoking, sort of, asked me to buy her a pack of cigarettes, which she smoked, and she asked me to buy her another pack recently. I mention this, because I too have had great urge to smoke a cigarette on several occassions over the last month (with some dire family situations), but I have not, and the primary strength or reason to have not smoked one, is your suggestion to just make smoking not an option. And the knowledge that the nicotine receptors release dopamine into your brain, that I learned in the links offered in this thread, have me realizing that smoking a cigarette would just be a loss, not worth the momentary fake pleasure, it would cause. So thanks Phi. Thanks for suggesting I just make smoking "not an option". Its working out just fine, to have smoking "not an option". Regards, TAR By the way, my Dad is doing better and better and is mentally all there, and has gotten out of the hospital for the second time, and is in rehab, to get his body back strong enough to stand with a walker and take care of himself and go back home, to the pleasures of football, and reading, kitchen and dog and wife and fire and making bread and the like. All those "good" ways to get dopamine for free. Congratulations, tar, that's pretty awesome. Temptation is everywhere as long as smoking is an option. Isn't it weird how your stepmom chose something she knew would only please her temporarily but end up being worse for her than the trauma she's trying to cope with, with the guilt included? We vastly underestimate our own ability to deal with difficult situations. We remember the dire situations but forget how brilliantly and quickly we dealt with them. 1
tar Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 (edited) Phi, Had one of those "lousy" days that people sometimes have, yesterday. Had news in the morning that my Dad was not doing so well. Threw out a co-worker's lunch accidently, cleaning out a stinky refrigerator at work. Rain and traffic on the way to the dentist right after work. News that my daughter had a fender bender on a busy highway in North NJ on the way home from the dentist. Visited my Dad, who is not doing very well, again. Gave the news to my sister, in another state, who was not feeling well herself, with the Kemo and all, fightin breast cancer. Almost pulled into a CVS for a pack on the way home. But did not. Remembered I would have been unsuccessful at that, since they stopped selling cigarettes and would have had to go the gum route, which I have already labeled as not an option. But I did not smoke. Fortunately smoking is not an option. Thanks again. Regards, TAR Reminded me of a saying on a coffee cup I once had. Eat a live worm, first thing in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. Hopefully today holds a bit more joy, and a few more opportunities to find a thing or two more to put on my list of 100 things that make you feel good. Edited December 2, 2014 by tar
imatfaal Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 tar - as another reformed smoker I can guarantee the no-smoking option is definitely a winner. I don't think you will ever be in a situation where you won't get odd cravings - but they get easier and easier to ignore - and the smugness and self-righteousness that comes from realising once again that you have beaten your addiction is better than any head-rush. when I stopped smoking we could still smoke in pubs, bars and restaurants here in the UK - but we have subsequently made this practice illegal; so I get a small but important dose of schadenfreude everytime I see friends and others wrapping up in their winter woolies to stand outside in the wind and rain and have a cigarette whilst at the pub. And you will notice yourself getting stronger, more active, and more full of energy. it's a win win decision. 1
tar Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Imatfaal, You are right. I am feeling better in a lot of ways, already, after only 8 or 9 months. Especially important to me, being a bit claustraphobic is being able to take full deep breaths. I can do this now, and before I stopped smoking this ability was being challenged. It is a win-win. And I have already smiled at the folks in the wind and the rain, that used to be me. We are scheduled for a cold winter, and we have already had snow, so I won't have to brave that to get my dopamine. I can get some by just staying snug and dry and warm, while the smokers are out in the blizzard. Regards, TAR
tar Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Phi, Coming up on 9 months now. Was driving back from seeing my dad in the rehab center a few days ago. By myself, at night, in a car, coming up on a Quik Check and I thought it would be nice to buy and smoke a cigarette. Wouldn't hurt anyone, and would feel good, and I was the only one doing it, and it would be fine. Then I thought about you guys and girls, and this thread, and thought it might hurt my reputation, and I would not be the only one disappointed. Most importantly I remembered your phrase "make it just not an option". I didn't stop at the store. Kept driving. Thought about the 100 other ways to feel good and get the dopamine without the nicotine. Thanks again, TAR 1
Phi for All Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 There's a certain freedom in being above reproach with regard to substance abuse. Right now, your family trusts that you aren't going to start smoking again, that you won't give in and sneak one at a convenience store when you're alone. They would like to believe you can go about your life without smoking, and they can go about their lives not worrying about you falling off the wagon. You're meeting everyone's expectations, including your own. I'm proud of you, you've accomplished what some people only dream of, and everyone, everyone in your life is better off for this wonderful investment you've made in your health. These are the rewards you need to remind yourself of every time you avoid temptation like this. Bravo, tar.
Royston Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Tar, I'm going through a very similar situation to you although I'm only on day 7, having decided to quit for the new year (cold turkey). I've been smoking for roughly 22 years. Today has been incredibly tough. I found out recently that my Dad was terminally ill (unsure exactly how much time he has left, but it's not much) and my Mum's health has been deteriorating over the last few years with a progressive neurological disorder. Trying not to make this a sob story, just providing some background. Despite studying physics and computer science for the last 8 years, I've been in and out of work after being made redundant a few years ago and I found out today I'm being forced to work in a factory doing 12 hour shifts or my benefits will be stopped (meaning I would be made effectively homeless unless I start work at this awful place). It wouldn't be so bad, but I've only been out of work for a few months, so I feel I'm being treated exceptionally poorly here. I have never wanted a cigarette so badly in my life. It has been reaching epic levels, but it's really encouraging reading through your posts that, whatever gets thrown at you, cigarettes are not going to make it any better. Indeed, if I cave in now it will make matters worse; I will let myself down, I will be going back to square one having quit for a week, I will have to let friends and family know I failed. So rather than dash to the shop to get my nicotine fix, I decided to write my thoughts on here and munch on peanuts and raw carrots (seems to work for me). Congratulations on hitting 9 months ! I really hope I can stick it out for as long and longer...it felt like it was getting easier until today. I guess days like these are the real tests and I'll only be stronger for getting through it. 2
Phi for All Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 So rather than dash to the shop to get my nicotine fix, I decided to write my thoughts on here and munch on peanuts and raw carrots (seems to work for me). Congratulations on hitting 9 months ! I really hope I can stick it out for as long and longer...it felt like it was getting easier until today. I guess days like these are the real tests and I'll only be stronger for getting through it. Good for you! I can't remember how long it takes, but I think you're still being influenced by the nicotine and continine in your system. Just keep in mind that those chemicals are influencing your judgment. Don't let them win! Congratulations! Cigarettes just aren't an option for you anymore, move on, find something better.
tar Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Royston, A week after I stopped, back in April I gave my wife a card with some money in it. A hundred or more dollars, with the inscription "here is some money for you to blow, because I didn't" (or something like that.). Reading your story, and remembering that "after a week" point, and the card, almost made me cry just now, because it is such a powerful and important gift you have given yourself and your family, to be not spending your money and your health on pack after pack of smokes. It is as hard as it feels, but it gets progressively easier as you find ways to deal with situations that usually required you to reach for a cigarette. And it is actually as easy as not reaching for one. Not stopping at the store, keeping that bill in your wallet, and spending it on food and clothing and shelter, insurance and transportation, and maybe on a gift that would make someone else feel good. And there is plenty of neat and pleasing stuff around, that others have put together for your enjoyment. Remember sweating one day doing my yardwork on my bad knees, helping my wife set one of her gardens, and thinking that one of the reasons to keep a nice place is so people passing by have a nice place to look at. Dopamine for others. And in return, everyone else keeps there place nice. Dopamine for you. Free of charge. Don't know how to tell you to enjoy working 12 hour shifts, but if you just do a good job and make the place pleasant for the other people that have to work the 12 hour shifts...there is some dopamine to be had, even there. Completion, victory, nice sights, nice smells, nice sounds, nice feelings, are to be had, even if the place is not like a warm beach in the tropics. And sometimes just thinking about the warm beach can release a little dopamine, as we talked about earlier in the thread. Better to make smoking just not an option. Enjoy the place, enjoy life, without the stinky, expensive, false way to get some dopamine. And you have the other 12 hours every day, and weekends and vacations, to spend the money you would have spent on smokes, in some other pleasurable way. Regards, TAR
tar Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Thread, Coming up on 10 months. Still hanging in there, in the "not an option" mode. Some craves from time to time pop up, but they are easy to just ignore most of the time. Just remind myself that it would be silly and useless to smoke a cigarette and get back into nicotine's grasp. I currently am just about free of that. I have found many of the other ways to get dopamine without the costs. Regards, TAR 1
Phi for All Posted February 5, 2015 Posted February 5, 2015 Just remind myself that it would be silly and useless to smoke a cigarette and get back into nicotine's grasp. I currently am just about free of that. I like this image. I think reinforcements like this are important. Equate nicotine with something bad trying to get you, not a way to relax with a drink after work. You might slip and stop in at a bar if that's the way you think about it, but you'll never go back if it's synonymous with a kidnapper, or loan sharks, or the IRS.
tar Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Right, just not my friend anymore. Can't hang with that bad guy. He/She/It is just no good for me. History. Not an option. Off the radar. No longer happening.
tar Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Thread, I have had some powerful craves lately, but Phi's "not an option" mentality, is getting me past some low points. Was blindsided by my boss 3 or 4 weeks ago, and I wound up resigning my position and now no longer work for a company that I have been with for 26 years. Chrushed my wife, and being a 61 year old, looking for a job, is somewhat devoid of the "things that make you feel good". So nicotine would be a nice easy way to go. But then that would cost money, get me hooked again, and it is better to not ruin my health and bank account and pride in myself, just to get the "fake" pleasure that nicotine provides. I am still hanging in there, as a non-smoker. Going on 11 months on Sunday. Much better to spend my energy "accomplishing" some real knowledge gain in areas that will make me valuable to employers. That will be real wins. Much better than the fake wins that smoking provides. Regards, TAR
Spyman Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Was blindsided by my boss 3 or 4 weeks ago, and I wound up resigning my position and now no longer work for a company that I have been with for 26 years. Chrushed my wife, and being a 61 year old, looking for a job, is somewhat devoid of the "things that make you feel good".That's very tough, I wish you the best of luck and hope you find a new and better employment. (And hang in there - don't let the craves win.) 1
Phi for All Posted March 3, 2015 Posted March 3, 2015 Thread, I have had some powerful craves lately, but Phi's "not an option" mentality, is getting me past some low points. Was blindsided by my boss 3 or 4 weeks ago, and I wound up resigning my position and now no longer work for a company that I have been with for 26 years. Chrushed my wife, and being a 61 year old, looking for a job, is somewhat devoid of the "things that make you feel good". So nicotine would be a nice easy way to go. But then that would cost money, get me hooked again, and it is better to not ruin my health and bank account and pride in myself, just to get the "fake" pleasure that nicotine provides. I am still hanging in there, as a non-smoker. Going on 11 months on Sunday. Much better to spend my energy "accomplishing" some real knowledge gain in areas that will make me valuable to employers. That will be real wins. Much better than the fake wins that smoking provides. Regards, TAR I'm sorry to hear about the job, but it's their loss. They'll hire two people for your money and neither one will get the job done right. At this point, I think it would be good to remind you there's nothing bad that can happen to you that wouldn't be made a couple of orders of magnitude worse by smoking again. You're exactly right about not compounding your problems unnecessarily. After all, if you want to see how much gas is in the car, you look at the gauge, you don't light a match and peer down the mouth of the tank. 1
tar Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 (edited) Spyman, Coming up on a year since I quit smoking. Had my last cigarette on Sunday, April 6th 2014. Since then, my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, my dad had a fall, had brain surgery and spent 4 months between hospital and rehab center, two months ago I quit my job and I have, like you gained some wheight, gained 20lbs...but I have not smoked. I would like to thank everybody that has supported me in this endeavor to quit. Grace Grumpy said at the beginning, that the nicotine tapering method had a 35% success rate, after a year. Looks like I am one of the 1 out of three where it works. I would like to think, that combining the nicotine tapering, with my Saturday morning "put it down" routine and your logic and will power, and Phi's "not an option" thinking, and the 100 other "real" ways to feel good and have dopamine released in your brain, that don't cost so much in terms of health, money, time, clean air and independance, as smoking costs, increases the odds of success of the nicotine tapering method significantly. Judging by my sample group of one (me), I would say success is running right close to 100%. Regards, TAR Now its just a matter of burning more calories than I intake, doing a few toe touch excercises, and concentrating on the 100 things that make you feel good, without high costs. Edited April 3, 2015 by tar 2
Phi for All Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Now its just a matter of burning more calories than I intake, doing a few toe touch excercises, and concentrating on the 100 things that make you feel good, without high costs. I think I mentioned the victory pose in this thread, didn't I? I saw it on a TED presentation, and I think it would fit in really well with your toe touches. As you come back upright, throw your arms up in the air in the victory V, and listen to the crowd roaring your name, applauding you and your accomplishments wildly. This releases a fantastic chemical cocktail that's an instant pick me up. Makes you feel like doing a few more toe touches, or perhaps a victory lap around the house.
tar Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 Phi, I threw my hands up in the victory V, forgetting I am still getting over a frozen shoulder. The crowd made sort of the sound they make when the outfielder, going back for the ball, runs into the wall. I am not sure the cocktail was made with the recipe you had in mind.
Spyman Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Had my last cigarette on Sunday, April 6th 2014.Congrats to your first nicotine free year celebration! 1
SomeChickOnTheInternet Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Tar, This may be long.....For the past few days I have been telling myself I was just going to wake up and not smoke. After today being my 3rd attempt, I asked Google if taper quitting works, and I found the link to this thread. I read through the entire thing, and then created an account just so that I can tell you what an inspiration you are. All of you, really. I have attempted to quit smoking about 5 times. My first and longest quit was for two weeks in 2012. With the help of a book, I quit cold turkey, and I loved it. I was living in a house with 3 other smokers, and I still did it. Then, my sister literally started throwing cigarettes at me, and that was that. The second longest I quit was for 5 days, again cold turkey. To this day, I can still remember cooking an amazing meal with my husband, and afterward he said he was going to go smoke, and I happily said I didn't have to anymore. Part of the reason that quit didn't work is because in my previous research, it was suggested that you leave cigarettes somewhere, basically to "trick" your brain into having an out. Obviously that doesn't work. Smoking is strongly tied to coffee for me, so the first time I quit, I stopped drinking it. A few days later, there was no longer a trigger, but I discovered I actually hate the taste of coffee. The other day, I started a pot of coffee, and it went out the window (the quit). This morning I did ok, then made a pot of coffee. So now I know I'll have to give it up again, but not a big deal. And I have been researching for days about where else I went wrong in my quits, and I think I finally figured it out. I go to Google, trying to figure out the best way to stay quit. I find those neat little counters that tell you how long it's been, and the money you've saved.....Before I know it I'm smoking again, because I've been doing nothing but obsessing over NOT smoking. "Ugh, it's going to take forever to get to 7,000 not smoked. My breathing isn't that much better.....". So guess what this thread has taught me? Smoking is NOT an option. I've read it other places a thousand times, but I actually "get" it now. And I also need to stay away from self help on the internet. At least for a little while, because all it does is remind me that I'm craving. All day. So, I'm trying the tapering today, though I already know I can live without it, but the hardest part for me are the first few hours of the quit, so waiting as long as possible in the morning will eventually turn into I-haven't-smoked-all-day. And then I will board the door up Congratulations on your year . 4
tar Posted April 16, 2015 Posted April 16, 2015 SomeChickOnTheInternet, You just gave me another of the hundred things that make you feel good. Being an inspiration for some chick on the internet. I am sure Phi and Spyman got a little dopamine boost from your post, as well. There really are 100 ways to get dopamine that are inexpensive to free, and do little harm to anybody, or anything. And from my experience the dopamine I get from looking at your pretty face and knowing I was a little help to you is the exact same dopamine I would have gotten by having nicotine receptors in my brain release it. This dopamine is better though, because its real, and it is being released for good reason, unlike the general no reason "feel good" that a drag on a cigarette would bring. Good luck to you in any case. One of these mornings you won't smoke for a year. And I promise you will still get plenty of dopamine every time you see a pretty sky, or see a handsome body, or rescue someone in trouble, or share your milkshake with your hubbie, or win a game of solataire, or clear the jam in the copier at work. There are at least a 100 ways to feel good. You don't need to get your dopamine from nicotine receptors. There are better ways to get it. Much better ways. Besides, you've got your mortar all mixed and you are ready to board that window up with Phi, not an option, bricks. Its really just as easy as deciding you don't smoke anymore...ever. Regards, TAR Thanks for the dopamine fix SomeChickOnTheInternet. 2
tar Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 (edited) Thread, The basis of my quiting was so I could breath (security of body, acceptance of facts.) It occurred to me, that finding a way to live without nicotine, was one of the keys (problem solving,) and Phi For All provided another key by suggesting to make smoking not an option and to board up the nicotine window (achievement.) Spyman, encouraged us with all the areas in Maslov’s hierarchy of needs Esteem section. With the underlying knowledge that nicotine receptors in the brain, release dopamine, a reward chemical, and this makes a person feel good in a general non-specific way, I speculate that through our evolutionary trek we felt good, when we did things right and fulfilled our needs, and this contributed to/or developed/caused/resulted in, the reward chemicals like dopamine, and helps to establish feelings and ideas of good and right and proper. To the idea of the hundred things that make you feel good, and release dopamine in your brain, for real personal and societial reasons, I add the acts and ideas that fill each of the needs, in Maslov’s hierarchy of needs. Physiological; breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis, excretion. Safety; security of :body, employment, resources, morality, the family, health, property. Love/belonging; friendship, family, sexual intimacy. Esteem; self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect of others, respect by others. Self-actualization; morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of prejudice, acceptance of facts. We already talked about the senses, and the warm beach, and victory and achievement and making others feel good, and such, but Maslov’s hierarchy of needs, gives a nice framework in which to look to things that will release dopamine into your brain, so that smoking a stinky harmful expensive cigarette, to get the same hit of dopamine, would seem rather dumb. Regards, TAR Edited May 17, 2015 by tar
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