What's the best time to marry?

[StringJunky]

Oh what a tangled web we weave,

When first we practise to deceive!

Sir Walter Scott, Marmion, Canto vi. Stanza 17.

Scottish author & novelist (1771 - 1832)

Sorry - can't stop being a pedant

 

Thanks for the correction...I've attributed that to the wrong person for years it would seem!

[Marat]

Since marriage is such a big step, the safest way to embark on it is to wait until you have already been in a stable relationship with your intended life-partner so long that the additional act of legal confirmation of the arrangement seems to make almost no difference. But a major problem is that society overloads marriage with so much philosophical baggage that getting married can trigger dramatic and unexpected changes in people's feelings for each other. For example, a friend of mine was dating a nice woman who had an absolutely horrible mother. As soon as he married the daughter, her facial musculature suddenly twisted into a frightening imitation of her mother's face and she began imitating her mother's voice, way of walking, and cruel style of interaction with people. There's no way you can plan rationally for something like that happening.

 

Since we've generally agreed that waiting until a greater stage of maturity is reached before marrying is a good thing, imagine what a profound disservice religions do to the good of humanity by insisting on no sex until marriage. That rule, in cultures where it is observed, forces people to get married too early out of sexual need, so it almost guarantees bad life-partnerships. Given the real human evil that arises from bad life-partnerships, it seems pitifully absurd that the religious need to avoid the purely imaginary evil of premarital sex is allowed to promote the real evil of bad partnership selection.

[lemur]

a friend of mine was dating a nice woman who had an absolutely horrible mother. As soon as he married the daughter, her facial musculature suddenly twisted into a frightening imitation of her mother's face and she began imitating her mother's voice, way of walking, and cruel style of interaction with people. There's no way you can plan rationally for something like that happening.

I think everyone should marry with a prenuptial agreement that prevents any possible benefit coming from divorce (besides legal separation, of course). It is cynical to say so, but I think it is possible for people to attempt to drive their partners to divorce them or commit infidelity or some other action that legitimates them seeking divorce. The key to having a successful marriage is for the benefits of staying married to outweigh the benefits of getting divorced as much as possible. The only problem with this is that many people probably wouldn't want to marry someone if there was no compensation in the case of divorce.

Edited February 16, 2011 by lemur

[A Tripolation]

Since we've generally agreed that waiting until a greater stage of maturity is reached before marrying is a good thing, imagine what a profound disservice religions do to the good of humanity by insisting on no sex until marriage. That rule, in cultures where it is observed, forces people to get married too early out of sexual need, so it almost guarantees bad life-partnerships. Given the real human evil that arises from bad life-partnerships, it seems pitifully absurd that the religious need to avoid the purely imaginary evil of premarital sex is allowed to promote the real evil of bad partnership selection.

 

Really? The way I and most other people who practice this "absurd" idea think, is that sex is a union between you and the one you love, and you should only ever love your spouse. I didn't realize I was being pressured to marry out of physical need. Hmm. I'm behind on my proposals. I'm not engaged to anyone right now. Oh dear. I need to get on that.

 

It's not purely imaginary if you think a person that sleeps with random people is of questionable morals.

[Marat]

The obvious question then has to be, why does sexual love have to be linked to romatic love? Most people would enjoy having dinner with a person they love more than having dinner with a stranger, business colleague, or client, but that doesn't make it morally necessary to starve until you fall in love with someone! Suppressing the needs of the Id unless they can be satisfied in the company of a loved one -- whether the need is eating, sleeping, or sex -- is a good formula for making yourself unnecessarily crazy.

 

I always recommend that people who are asexual as a result of disease or advanced age should restrain their bowel movements until they fall in love with someone whose presence makes defecating so much more meaningful.