Math Jokes

[DrRocket]

The Joke

 

A mathematics professor, early in a class, is interrupted by a student asking how an assertion made in the course of proving a theorem might been seen to be true. The professor stands back, looks at the statement, pauses a moment, and replies "It is obvious".

 

Then he stands back a moment, remaining silent, and continues to stare at the statement. He continues for several, minutes, then turns an walks out of the lecture hall.

 

After an absence of over 30 minutes, one of the students leaves the hall to find the professor. He finds him, in his office, in front of his chalk board, on which is the statement that was questioned and a plethora of mathematical symbols, muttering to himself. The student returns to the lecture hall to report back.

 

Just before the dismissal bell rings the professor returns, and says, "Yes, it is obvious."

 

Background and follow-up--the punch line improves

This joke has kicked around the mathematical community for years.

 

I told the joke to a gentleman who happens to be a professor, now emeritus, in an engineering department at MIT and who is quite well known. He was also a student at MIT.

 

To the joke he replied, "That is not a joke. The professor was Norbert Weiner. I was in that class."

[khaled]

I remember a joke I once read ...

 

In a coffee there were once a mathematician, a physician, and a biologist sitting on a table having coffee and chatting.

They were watching an apartment on the other side of the street. And in a minute, two men walked into the apartment,

but three came out. that's when the three scientists smiled at each others and tried to explain what happened ...

 

the physician said "maybe, the measurements were not precise", the biologist said "maybe, they have multiplied", but the

mathematician finished his coffee and said "when someone comes and enters, that apartment will be empty !".

[the tree]

Surely the first scientist should have been a physicist?

[Shadow]

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar...and doesn't. Thanks Brian Malow via swansont.

 

Another one I like:

 

To get to the other side.

Why did the tachyon cross the road?

[khaled]

Surely the first scientist should have been a physicist?

 

Aren't physicians are familiar with Error and Precision of Measurements ...

 

_____________________

 

Another one I read:

 

It wasn't long until [math]x[/math] came into the mathematics bar shouting "beware, the derivation is coming !",

everyone went to hide except one, the [math]e^x[/math], who was sitting calm on his seat.

 

When The derivation came into the bar, looked around, then stepped in front of the only one who remained calm,

then asked him "why are you so calm", the [math]e^x[/math] said "derivate of [math]e^x[/math] in [math]x[/math] remains [math]e^x[/math]" ...

the derivation looked at him and said "who said I'm derivation of x ?!" ...

Edited February 27, 2011 by khaled

[ewmon]

Statisticians are mathematicians who don't have enough personality to be accounts.

[DrRocket]

Scenario 1

A mathematician and an engineer are in a cabin by a stream, which they can see through a curtained window. There is an empty bucket on the floor. The curtains are on fire.

 

The engineer takes the bucket to the stream, fills it with water, returns to the cabin and uses the water to put out the fire.

 

The mathematician does likewise.

 

Scenario 2

 

Identical to scenario 1, except that the bucket on the floor is full of water.

 

The engineer picks up the bucket of water and puts out the fire.

 

The mathematician picks up the bucket and pours the water on the floor, reducing the problem to that of scenario 1, which he has already solved.

[Xerxes]

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are travelling by train through Scotland for the first time. They all see a single black sheep in a field.

 

Engineer: Ah, so sheep in Scotland are black

 

Physicist: No, there is one sheep in Scotland that is black

 

Mathematician: Actually no, there is at least one sheep in at least one field in Scotland that is black on at least one side.

 

By edit: Here's another, that is cruel in the other way, as it were.

 

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are stranded on a desert island. They have haven't eaten for days.

 

A can of beans is washed onto the shore, and they get to discussing how to open it with the limited resources at their disposal. The physicist and engineer argue about levers, fulcrums, tensile strength of bamboo vs that of tin etc, and finally turn to the silent mathematician.

 

"Without loss of generality, we may assume the existence of a can-opener......"

Edited February 27, 2011 by Xerxes

[John Cuthber]

What's purple and commutes?

[mississippichem]

What's purple and commutes?

dot product, ab=ba

[the tree]

I think, an Abelian Grape.

[John Cuthber]

I think, an Abelian Grape.

Correct.

Now for the even more obscure one.

 

Suppose epsilon is a large negative integer.

[khaled]

Correct.

Now for the even more obscure one.

 

Suppose epsilon is a large negative integer.

 

[math]\epsilon << 0[/math]

Edited March 2, 2011 by khaled

[Schrödinger's hat]

Not quite maths, but close:

Heisenberg is driving down the street when he gets pulled over by a police man.

The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know exactly where I am."