Being Intelligent is socially awkward

[Doc. Josh]

Caught myself in a brain drain moment lately, I have worked with many individuals in the past and their were always the village idiot's who everyone "likes'' Or however you choose to word it. My question is this, People who are above average in intelligence maybe not genius but have the ability to think outside the box and have a great ability to learn in an instant plus having the natural attraction to details. In my experiences this has handicapped me in most social environments. For example "friends" gather for whatever reason they are wrapped up mindless conversation which has no purpose so i am ultimately left out or have nothing to contribute and if i do contribute my two sense it usually comes off as harsh. Also when a subject matter comes up and i just so happen to know the answer/solution to their issue they seem to get annoyed. Was just curious as to some of sfn members have ever experienced this isolation sorta speak and how do you overcome/ integrate you with general society.

[ewmon]

Your current friends don't challenge you intellectually (perhaps they've hit their plateau), so expand your circle and have various relationships with various friends. You'll probably find a comfortable balance between the groups/individuals, and you'll probably find that:

• some will know more/less/same as you (ie, width and depth of knowledge),
  
• some have more/less/same curiosity as you (ie, willingness to develop/expand knowledge),
  
• some know mostly facts and some enjoy experimenting/traveling/etc (ie, armchair/theoretical/objective vs hands-on/practical/subjective knowledge).
  

[tomgwyther]

As above... get some new friends. I agree that not being one of the moronic-cattle-class can be socially awkward, but only of you're surrounded by such people.

[Ringer]

I have friends that vary widely in intelligence and interests; all you need to do is know what to talk about with who. If your friends only talk about things that don't interest you and you don't talk about anything that interests them how, exactly, did you become friends? I'm sure everyone has interests other than <insert preferred area of study> so talk about that if they don't care about <whatever was inserted>.

 

And if all else fails take the advice my friends give me all the time, don't be a d!<k

[amanda more]

I have friends that vary widely in intelligence and interests; all you need to do is know what to talk about with who. If your friends only talk about things that don't interest you and you don't talk about anything that interests them how, exactly, did you become friends? I'm sure everyone has interests other than <insert preferred area of study> so talk about that if they don't care about <whatever was inserted>.

 

And if all else fails take the advice my friends give me all the time, don't be a d!<k

 

Come on Ringer. If you are someone who would be in the posters circle, tell us the real secret. You make them drinking buddies.

[CaptainPanic]

First of all, I think it's nice to be challenged sometimes, so you need at least some people around you that are capable of doing that. But not only such people.

Heck, people of a lower IQ are quite capable of challenging me... they might have far better social skills, are better on the dancefloor, better at sports, and might in general have more life experience than me.

 

That said, I think that being really dumb is far more socially awkward than being intelligent.

Obviously, both extremes can be awkward if you fail to adapt to a situation, but it's a lot easier to step down a level than to go up a level.

Being smart, the easiest way to dumb yourself down is to grab another beer... after a couple, you're all on the same level. Boobies!

 

(Girls, for some reason have a less obvious boobies fixation, but will suffer from similar IQ-equalizing effects from booze).

[Doc. Josh]

(((( how, exactly, did you become friends? grew up together. ))) Don't get me wrong i like my friends, It just becomes a hassle to just talk about anything non "idiot" related. And ill find myself in social settings being a ( loner ) i suppose due to the lack of obsession with social networking and going through the same list of bars they map out sun-mon. Does anyone here know of any real study about the correlation between those who are (socially) intelligent as opposed to those who are (mentality) intelligent? For example: A individual's characteristics being a social butterfly and more associated with that life style, As opposed to someone who study's more often than not and prefers to watch educational shows than reality TV. This i believe to be a very interesting relation to the way people's behavior is and why. Any input is greatly appreciated.

Thanks

[amanda more]

(((( how, exactly, did you become friends? grew up together. ))) Don't get me wrong i like my friends, It just becomes a hassle to just talk about anything non "idiot" related. And ill find myself in social settings being a ( loner ) i suppose due to the lack of obsession with social networking and going through the same list of bars they map out sun-mon. Does anyone here know of any real study about the correlation between those who are (socially) intelligent as opposed to those who are (mentality) intelligent? For example: A individual's characteristics being a social butterfly and more associated with that life style, As opposed to someone who study's more often than not and prefers to watch educational shows than reality TV. This i believe to be a very interesting relation to the way people's behavior is and why. Any input is greatly appreciated.

Thanks

 

I have two sisters very close in age. A built in social life. One person told me that genius must be lonely. I did a calculation that there are 300,000 people in this country with IQ's over 160. So smart people are theoretically not alone.

 

There was a book that popularized the notion of EQ.

 

I want to design a tshirt that starts in a circle and winds down. "Let me tell you how drunk I was last night and first I am getting drunk tonight. Let me tell you how drunk I was last night and first I am getting drunk tonight . . . . ."

 

I wonder if say England has an acceptance of those "eccentrics" who talk of other things?

[CaptainPanic]

Don't get me wrong i like my friends, It just becomes a hassle to just talk about anything non "idiot" related. And ill find myself in social settings being a ( loner ) i suppose due to the lack of obsession with social networking and going through the same list of bars they map out sun-mon.

 

Maybe it's just a matter of leaving the safety of your friends behind once in a while? Try to meet new people.

 

I mean, from what I read (I hope I do not offend you) I get a picture of a relatively limited group of friends who you know quite well, living in a relatively small town (or at least, the places you visit are quite limited). Even if those would all be world-class philosophers and scientists, that would get boring.

 

Everybody has a rather limited list of things that really interest them... talking with the same group of really intelligent people all the time can become quite monotonous too!

 

So, while you say that you're interested to meet people who aren't such a social butterfly, fluttering from one little topic to the next, I propose that you actually flutter around a bit yourself, searching for a couple of other people who might be interesting. It will take time, and it takes effort, and it might even take you to another town if your own place is too limiting... But it might just work, or at least it's an experience in itself.

 

It's a big world... and although there's certainly an optimum, it doesn't hurt to have more than 1 group of friends.

 

A individual's characteristics being a social butterfly and more associated with that life style, As opposed to someone who study's more often than not and prefers to watch educational shows than reality TV.

I don't really agree that the two are necessarily opposing.

[CharonY]

Can you imagine how socially awkward it can be if you are by far the dimmest bulb in a group?

[xxSilverPhinxx]

Yeah, in what sense did you mean intelligent? Book-smart or street smart? If you feel you aren't getting much out of your friendships, start hanging out with more like minded people *shrug*

[Cygnus47]

Is being intelligent socially awkward?........................Only for those in your presence,...........Ha,ha!

[Hal.]

Doc. Josh , as you get older you may find you could get old and grey , crinkly and cranky on your own . You could also meet a fine woman and have 11 kids and be so busy you're not going to have time to think of the boring oul days . Enjoy your time with your friends , change little by little if need be , you will wonder where the time has gone soon enough .

[Marqq]

(...)

Does anyone here know of any real study about the correlation between those who are (socially) intelligent as opposed to those who are (mentality) intelligent?

(...)

 

The Terman Study was (and still is) being run, and one of its initial purposes was to dispel the belief that gifted individuals tended to be weak and socially awkward... Though it did find a tendency towards needing glasses (weird, huh?).

 

I also found this neat paper with tons of citations you could look up on the topic.

 

Personally, I think that being drawn to different levels of intellectual challenges lies at the root of our social walls. I can say for certain, though, that when you put your mind to it, relating to less academically intelligent folks is achievable, though not very rewarding IMHO. I was socially awkward until 9th grade, when I decided to stop 'reaching'; stop reaching my hand up to answer the teacher's questions, stop reaching for the perfect and accurate way to say precisely what I mean, and overall, to stop trying to sound intelligent. If you're invested in your friends' lives and troubles, you can give an absolutely brilliant answer and they'll love it...unless you ham it up with polysyllabickery. They know you're smart, no need to rub their faces in it. Also, and this seems less intuitive than it is, try sounding less confident than you are-- if you ask whether something will work for them, they get to judge it and proclaim their intellect, whereas if you assert it, they're more likely to resist and end up snapping at your 'toldyaso' face.

 

Finally, as a smart person (according to my Mom ), who has to spend a lot of time around young children (seven kids under 6 y/o ), it's an absolute necessity that you find a group of non-idiots (and I say that with love) to hang out with. Shake out all the spongebob (for me) or TMZ or Hairspray idiocy and go argue with someone about politics, religion or philosophy. Get yourself into a brain-yoga group at least once a month, clear out the cobwebs and all of a sudden, your simpler friends will be much less bothersome.

Edited August 13, 2011 by Marqq

[Realitycheck]

Training the other side of your brain takes practice, nothing more. Learn some jokes, good ones. Making a girl laugh is the key to her heart. Many girls secretly dig nerds.

Edited August 13, 2011 by Realitycheck

[padren]

I think the nature of the society could have a huge impact on how socially awkward intelligent people feel; in some cases enough to skew any correlative data towards a noticeable deviation.

 

In some societies, it may present a greater challenge to overcome social awkwardness initially - a deviation towards higher social awkwardness amongst intelligent people may (theoretically) be highly visible in young age categories and almost non-existent in older ones. In others, it may be expected that people accept certain social behavioral limitations; daughters may be expected to get married off with dowries and no say, regardless of intellectual interests. It would be easy to see how someone could find themselves socially stunted if they are told that everything that makes sense to them is incorrect, or even amoral and that everyone else "can see that" except them.

 

It strikes me as a very difficult topic to analyze.