Bill Maher Says You're an Idiot (Americans)

[Pangloss]

You know, some things are almost too easy....

 

http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/uselection2004/maher_bill.html

 

(Parts in boldface are the questions from the interviewer. The rest are Bill Maher's comments.)

 

 

First of all I have to ask you something that everyone wants me to ask you which is what are the five things Canadians should know about the American election?

 

I don't know about five things but I think what Canadians should know about the American election is that you're lucky you don't live here. You don't have to participate in this sham democracy we have, you know? I mean I could tell you about, I could tell you five ways we don't really have a democracy in this country.

 

Maher Factoid #1: Your democracy is a sham.

 

Remember this one, there'll be a test later.

 

 

This is a fear election. This is an election that has been framed along the lines of -- elect this guy or you'll die. Don't, don't vote for the wrong guy. Or you'll be dead. Johnny Jihad will drive a car bomb into your house if you elect a Democrat.

 

Maher Factoid #2: Only Republicans try to scare voters. Democrats would NEVER do such a thing!

 

 

So, I think the last polls showed that about 42 per cent of Americans still think that Saddam Hussein was directly involved with the attack on 9/11. You know, we're bad enough on domestic issues, ignorance-wise.

 

Maher Factoid #3: You are an idiot. You. Yes, you. Pay attention now, he's talking to YOU.

 

 

When it comes to foreign affairs, I mean, forget it. But you know, that's the only thing Bush can run on. His domestic policy is praising Jesus and cutting Paris Hilton's taxes. So he's got to run on you know, be afraid, be very afraid.

 

Maher Factoid #4: Bush is running on a religious platform. Everyone will be required to go to church from now on, if you vote for Bush. Interesting. (See Maher Factoid #2.)

 

 

Johnny Depp said this was a stupid country. And then he made me very mad and he took it back. Well, I say it. I don't take it back. It's stupid. Really stupid. It's about the marketing, don't you know? It's not about what's real.

 

More expansion of Maher Factoid #3, I guess. You're stupid, remember? (I'll spare you the eight other "you are stupid" quotes.)

 

 

But surely they care that they can't, they have Medicare bills they can't pay for, that their kids can't get into university, that they

 

But the economy isn't so awful that it's the number one concern on people's minds. Their safety is more. Yes, there are people who are suffering, but you mention this Medicare bill. We passed a big Medicare [drug] entitlement to keep our seniors high, which is important. But very few of them needed it. There was a survey done in 2002; something like 96 per cent said they had little or no trouble getting a prescription drug that they wanted. I think what's amusing, that has to do with Canada, is that we are not allowed to buy prescription drugs from Canada because our government tells us that we don't know if they're safe.

 

Wow. I'm almost at a loss for words. Okay, I'm over it.

 

Maher Factoid #5: The economy is so bad your kids can't get into college. (This is not even remotely the case, for what it's worth.)

 

Maher Factoid #6: The Medicare benefit, which was demanded by Democrats in 2002, and then claimed to be "too small" by Democrats when it finally passed, is not actually needed by seniors. (Which, by the way, would leave that money unspent, which would be fine -- that's the way the program works, if they don't claim it, we don't spend it.)

 

Maher Factoid #7: We don't need to take care of our high cost of subscription drugs, because we can just get them from Canada. Apparently it's not a problem that needs solving, in Bill Maher's world.

 

 

It would not be hard for a talented politician to take apart George Bush, but we just don't have that in this election. We have a silly law that prevents people who have been President twice, from being President again. We -

 

Like Clinton

 

Yeah. We have a guy who could absolutely take him apart. I mean if Clinton was running against Bush, this would not be the same election. But we don't have that.

 

Maher Factoid #8: The 22nd Amendment to the Constitution is just "a silly law". (Hmm, I wonder if he thought so in 1988....)

 

 

 

But on Iraq, I mean this is almost a given. We've got hundreds of soldiers dead.

 

Thousands yeah

 

Maher Factoid #9: 1100 = "thousands".

 

 

I think we controlled more of the country when Saddam Hussein was in office. I'm not saying that as a joke. I really mean that. You know when Saddam was there, we had the north, we had the south - they were called no-fly zones - he had the middle part.

 

Maher Factoid #10: The "no-fly" zones were actually occupation zones. We controlled the ground underneath them. (Sure, he's probably just making a joke, but he's also trying to put buzzwords and rally-phrases into the mouths of fellow extremists. That's worth a reply, so I don't want to hear any crap about Maher being a comedian. Just don't even go there.)

 

 

George Bush has stolen that from him. He appears to be the person who has come out good in this

 

That's what I was telling you, it's all about marketing. It doesn't matter what the truth is. It's what the marketing is. Black is white, and up is down. And John Kerry, who went to Vietnam, not a war hero. John McCain, who was five and a half years in the Vietnamese prison, not a war hero. Max Cleland lost three limbs on the battlefield in Vietnam, not a war hero. George Bush? Stayed in Alabama, in Texas? War hero.

 

Kerry dodged the bullets. He's a flip-flopper. If he was really a hero, he would have come home in a body bag. But like the dirty comedy he is, you know that's how they presented it. That he actually was scheming in Vietnam the whole time to use this as a platform for political office, you know. That's why he volunteered. He was a rich kid. What kind of a rich kid goes to Vietnam? A schemer, that's who does it. A schemer. He was plotting the whole time.

 

Maher Factoid #11: Bush is personally behind the Swift Boat veterans attacks, and any other attacks on Kerry's war record. Personally. Period.

 

Maher Factoid #12: Bush is touting himself as a war hero. (No, you haven't tuned into the Twilight Zone. This is a real interview.)

 

 

And just in case we forgot:

 

The Americans fall for these dirty tricks? This dirty politicking?

 

Well, they say they don't like it but it works. Because, once again, they're stupid.

 

Lol, okay man, I think I got it....

 

 

There does seem to be some poll indication that people don't want to look too bad in the world. I mean, they want to be feared, but not loathed.

 

Well, respected. Feared to a degree. But I don't think the United States was feared before this. I think it was more respected. I was doing an event the other day with Robert Kennedy Jr. and he said when he was a kid he went around the world with his father and on trips I guess with his uncle, President Kennedy.

 

And he said everywhere they went, you know, Americans were just adored. We were seen as the beacon of freedom. We were seen as what we should be-...

 

Did the -

 

George Bush. That's how

 

Maher Factoid #13: Bush went back in time 37 years and destroyed American relations with the rest of the world. (Seriously -- read that and I dare you to tell me that he's not saying that America's relations with the rest of the world were absolutely spotless until January 2001!)

 

 

I mean, the last election, not aware of what anybody thinks about what happened in Florida, it's almost a certainty that the wrong guy won the state and therefore the election. There was so much, so many different ways voting was messed up in that election.

 

Maher Factoid #14: Gore actually won in Florida.

 

(In fact, several left-oriented newspapers analyzed the Florida election and conducted their own recounts, and every single one of them came up with the same conclusion -- Bush won Florida any way you count it.)

 

 

We don't let, in many states, ex-cons vote. I mean I think in Florida alone, 600,000 people couldn't vote because they'd been convicted of a felony. And most of those votes, of course are rich Republicans. No, of course not, they're poor blacks.

 

Maher Factoid: #15: Ex-cons should be given the franchise because they're poor and black.

 

(Why do I think he would be screaming bloody murder about why we're giving rights to convicted felons if they were rich and white?)

 

 

Gerrymandering. You know they, they have a thing in this country where they keep re-aligning the districts, the congressional districts,

 

Yeah, Democrats would never do anything like that........

 

 

And, and the voting machines, you know we don't have a system where we can reliably say yes, all the votes were counted.

 

Oddly enough it's worked pretty well for a couple hundred years now....

 

Actually recent polls suggest that Kerry might win the electoral college but lose the popular vote. I wonder where Maher will be on the issue if that happens....

[SuperThread]

Maher Factoid #1: Your democracy is a sham.

 

*shrug* It's technically a republic, but yeah, that quote was a bit over-the-top.

 

Maher Factoid #2: Only Republicans try to scare voters. Democrats would NEVER do such a thing!

 

Hey, the guy's a liberal . Yes, he failed to show both sides of the issue in that quote, but that doesn't invalidate his point.

 

Maher Factoid #3: You are an idiot. You. Yes, you. Pay attention now, he's talking to YOU.

 

Indeed. Americans *are* uninformed with regards to politics, and simply repeating a point with sarcastic spin doesn't make it untrue.

 

Maher Factoid #4: Bush is running on a religious platform. Everyone will be required to go to church from now on, if you vote for Bush. Interesting. (See Maher Factoid #2.)

 

Come on. It was fairly obvious that that answer was an intentional (comic) exaggeration. And Bush isn't what you'd call the best at upholding the separation of church and state.

 

More expansion of Maher Factoid #3, I guess. You're stupid, remember? (I'll spare you the eight other "you are stupid" quotes.)

 

Indeed. Again.

 

Maher Factoid #5: The economy is so bad your kids can't get into college. (This is not even remotely the case, for what it's worth.)

 

The interviewer said that, not Maher.

 

Maher Factoid #6: The Medicare benefit, which was demanded by Democrats in 2002, and then claimed to be "too small" by Democrats when it finally passed, is not actually needed by seniors. (Which, by the way, would leave that money unspent, which would be fine -- that's the way the program works, if they don't claim it, we don't spend it.)

 

Point taken.

 

Maher Factoid #7: We don't need to take care of our high cost of subscription drugs, because we can just get them from Canada. Apparently it's not a problem that needs solving, in Bill Maher's world.

 

... I'm afraid that, at the moment, I'm too tired to translate the badly-punctuated quoted section, and as such I'm not going to address this point. Maybe tomorrow.

 

 

Maher Factoid #8: The 22nd Amendment to the Constitution is just "a silly law". (Hmm, I wonder if he thought so in 1988....)

 

That's neither a fact nor a factoid. It's an opinion. Anyway, I certainly see Maher's point- the amendment deprives us of our best governers for no apparent reason. If Clinton's the best, why stop him from spending another four years in office? What's the point of having Gore run instead if he's not as good?

 

Maher Factoid #9: 1100 = "thousands".

 

Source? And, in any event, that's not a gross exaggeration, but it is a good point.

 

Maher Factoid #10: The "no-fly" zones were actually occupation zones. We controlled the ground underneath them. (Sure, he's probably just making a joke, but he's also trying to put buzzwords and rally-phrases into the mouths of fellow extremists. That's worth a reply, so I don't want to hear any crap about Maher being a comedian. Just don't even go there.)

 

Good point.

 

Maher Factoid #11: Bush is personally behind the Swift Boat veterans attacks, and any other attacks on Kerry's war record. Personally. Period.

 

Again, Maher did not say this, though the interviewer implied it.

 

Maher Factoid #12: Bush is touting himself as a war hero. (No, you haven't tuned into the Twilight Zone. This is a real interview.)

 

Again, that was an exaggeration, though it was not as obvious. Certainly a point against Maher, but not a large one.

 

Maher Factoid #13: Bush went back in time 37 years and destroyed American relations with the rest of the world. (Seriously -- read that and I dare you to tell me that he's not saying that America's relations with the rest of the world were absolutely spotless until January 2001!)

 

He's not. He doesn't even mention pre-Bush relations except for those of, as you say, thirty-seven years ago. He *is* saying that our current situation is due in large part to Bush. Which is true.

 

Maher Factoid #14: Gore actually won in Florida.

 

(In fact, several left-oriented newspapers analyzed the Florida election and conducted their own recounts, and every single one of them came up with the same conclusion -- Bush won Florida any way you count it.)

 

I don't know enough about this topic to make an educated response, so I'll leave it to some other poster.

 

Maher Factoid: #15: Ex-cons should be given the franchise because they're poor and black.

 

(Why do I think he would be screaming bloody murder about why we're giving rights to convicted felons if they were rich and white?)

 

I agree with you on this issue, but again, it's Maher's (perfectly valid) opinion.

 

Oddly enough it's worked pretty well for a couple hundred years now....

 

Of course it's *worked*- anything that selects a single candidate to be President works. That doesn't mean that it works well.

 

Actually recent polls suggest that Kerry might win the electoral college but lose the popular vote. I wonder where Maher will be on the issue if that happens....

 

Likely something along the lines of: "Well, it's too bad that Kerry had to win this way, but any solution that gives us Kerry over Bush is a hell of a lot better than the alternative(s)."

[Sorcerer]

Let me guess you are one of the 42%.

[Skye]

He's a little too preachy, but some of the stuff was funny.

 

We recently had an election here and there was a political satire show on once a week. One of their skits was to interview people on the street and air the really stupid comments, then say,

 

THIS PERSON VOTES!

 

It was h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s.

[budullewraagh]

what's so interesting is your extremism in response to his extremism.

 

with regard to the fake democracy, that was an accurate statement in that we have a republic

 

with regard to "fact" two, you must realize that he did not single out republicans only. he used them as an example afterwards. also, you must realize that cheney is a total jackass for saying what he said about us all dying if we elect kerry

 

with regard to the one about ignorance, you completely missed his point. he was stating that it is a horrible shame that the media (fox news? rush limbaugh...wait he isnt a news source but so many fools pretend he is) has continuously shown hussein as bin laden's sidekick and never apologized for saying so

 

#4: yes, bush is running on a religious platform. sadly, one side of my family supports him only because theyre all evangelists and he's more "christian" (actually he isnt even remotely for his actions) than kerry and kerry is some satanist.

 

actually, the economy blows and i wont be able to go to MIT because of it. tuition has increased greatly over the past four years and it's making me very, very pissed off.

 

please note that mahler isnt necessarily a democrat, nor does he represent the democrats. he probably doesnt believe in EVERYTHING that the left's collective vote supports

 

the way to solve the high drug costs is to make a competitive market. THAT IS HOW YOU SOLVE THE PROBLEM. what the hell is wrong with these people?? this is what you call a socialist market gone wrong! i would be happy to take my "chances" with canadian drugs.

 

actually, i wouldnt have minded another few years of fdr but unfortunately he died. the country loved the man and we let him serve 3 terms as president. he saved us man and we owe him. another 4 years of clinton and we'd actually have an economy! now isnt that better than the "justice" of not having a president serve for more than 2 terms?

 

the no fly zones were mostly occupied buddy. if you saw vultures circling over you, would you like to be there?

 

11: nope

12: nope

^apparently you cant read

 

13: wow, you really cant read

14: actually, gore won florida and the popular vote. that is fact.

15: grats, you support oligarchism. care for another 3/5ths clause?

[Sayonara]

I don't know why you don't just have another civil war.

 

It'd sort out so many of these issues, and give everyone a fun day out.

[blike]

The day after elections we will return to normal. I hope.

[Pangloss]

Some really fun responses above, especially Sayonara, thanks guys. I was actually ranting pretty hard, but your replies gave me a much-needed chuckle.

 

Come on, Bud, you know better than all that. You're just pushing yourself farther into the hinterlands.

[budullewraagh]

sorry man but i saw you being an extremist. it's statements like the above that make me question the validity of your statement that youre more of a centrist than anything else

[Mad Mardigan]

The day after elections we will return to normal. I hope.

 

Nah, there will be something going on for a few days, then a few months later, I think if so and so was elected.

[Pangloss]

sorry man but i saw you being an extremist. it's statements like the above that make me question the validity of your statement that youre more of a centrist than anything else

 

Well I can't do much about that -- you'll think what you like. All I can do is point out that just because one is a centralist doesn't mean they no longer have opinions about specifics. Just because they happen to be different from yours doesn't mean they're going to start sending tithes to Jerry Falwell.

 

At any rate, I am about to prove you wrong: I decided two days ago that I've made up my mind about the election; I'm no longer undecided. I'm endorsing John Kerry for president, and I'll explain why in another thread in a moment.

 

If that doesn't convince you, I don't know what well.

[budullewraagh]

woot! care to campaign for him in florida?

[Pangloss]

Aren't I doing exactly that?

[budullewraagh]

i suppose

[Mokele]

::reads the article::

 

So politicans are corrupt and the American public has the collective IQ of a moderately retarded tunicate. Why is this observation noteworthy?

 

Mokele