Holiday Humbug

[Curiousabout]

The spirit of Christmas past; I used to trudge thru ankle deep muck in the fields in search of the perfect tree. Wife and kids in tow, giving countless opinion on every tree we saw. When finally a consensus was reached, I would pluck the tree from the earth and mount it on the roof of the family chariot, and of course set it up where I was instructed. My annual task was finished. I could sit back and revel in the cheerful sounds of the family decorating it. This went on for the first 15 or so years of wedded bliss. The last year (some 5 or so years ago) that I participated in this ritual. We again located the perfect specimen, drug it out of the field, and tied it to the car. I found upon leaving, that my car keys were not in my pocket. The kids and my wife drank hot chocolate and feed the reindeer displayed for our enjoyment, while I retraced our steps in search of my keys. Needless to say it was a quiet ride home that year. I swore it was time to cave to the inevitable, that we needed to buy the artificial tree.

 

The spirit of Christmas present; my wife loves a live tree. I had my work cut out convincing her that an artificial tree was the way to go. Around October of that year I started to show her trees in any and all stores that we went to. I would drive to a stores that had trees even if it was out of my way. Finally she relented with conditions of course. It was decided that the tree had to meet stringent specs, we settled on a blue spruce fully strung with 2000 bulbs and a (life time warranty.) over 600 dollars later and I was the proud owner of the latest technology in tree design and illumination. I was elated. That year would surely be the best Christmas of all time. for the first 3 or so years things around the holidays were great for me. Set up the tree and sit back and watch the show. No fuss no muss. WRONG!!!!!!! The twinkling lights started to fail. On a massive scale. Ok I go to the store and buy a light bulb tester, no problemo. Well, after 30 or 40 dollars in different light testing equipment and hours and hours of searching and cursing I proclaimed defeat to the mighty tree and told the family that it was impossible to get all the lights to work. Oh wait a minute, the lifetime warranty. Of course I will go back to the store and get this fixed under the warranty. NOT!!! The warranty doesnt cover bulbs. I for the next 2 Christmases added strings to compensate for the lost lights.

 

The spirit of Christmas future; August of this year my beloved informed that the tree was an embarrassment to her and the family and would not do. I was told the tree should be on the next trash truck to grace our abode. The tree was taken to the garage. Now I dont like to take defeat very well so as I stood in my domain (the garage)and eyed the tree. I stared at the beast and pondered , can it be done? Could I resurrect the family tree that had brought such joy to my life? I studied the trees lighting system. I think I can. I worked on that tree into the night. Painstakingly unwinding each of the 20 strains of lights. 1 after the other I patiently removed the strains. Finally success. With all of the criticism from my wife about how I was crazy, I did it. The lights were off and now I was restringing this magnificent tree, breathing life back into this wonderful object. I will be the envy of all of my peers. I conqured, I won!!!!!!

After days of working on this project. My son came home from work last evening and announced. He wants to go back to a live tree. He wants to pay for it. My wife told me that now that he is working and wants to do this for the family that I shouldnt interfere. So I guess we are going to go back to that long forgotten field of dreams to once again pick out the perfect tree. And all isnt lost for I will still be the envy of all. For I will have a fully lighted Christmas tree in my garage.

Edited November 19, 2011 by Curiousabout

[Xittenn]

We used to cut our trees down in our backyard forest, deep in the middle of no-where Nova-Scotia. I can still remember as a kid, things happening, like porcupines falling out of the tree, or my mothers hands bleeding from trying to cut down a spruce. There was nothing like a real tree though, especially when there's a couple of feet of snow on the ground. They smell so great, and look amazing with red satin ribbons, popcorn strings and white lights. I think the fake trees are best left in California. . . . fake trees kind of ruin it for me. My father is an advocate of fake trees, but he lives in a temperate snow free climate, so understandable. I don't think Christmas is the same without snow.

 

I wonder which is more eco-friendly? I would assume the real tree . . . tree farms and all!

[Phi for All]

Great observations. An eternal dilemma, that. We went artificial several years back so I can appreciate the magnitude of your electrical endeavor. Brav-ho(ho-ho)!

 

And all isn’t lost for I will still be the envy of all. For I will have a fully lighted Christmas tree in my garage.

The perfect place to invite fathers from around the neighborhood to share a cup of Christmas spirits, past, present and future. [insert bearded, red-capped smiley here]

[mississippichem]

The perfect place to invite fathers from around the neighborhood to share a cup of Christmas spirits, past, present and future. [insert bearded, red-capped smiley here]

 

Sounds like a refugee camp to me. I have no kids but I do have a woman, in-town family, and a long list of Christmas parties to dodge.

 

Im in.

[hypervalent_iodine]

Take the moral high ground and guilt trip him with one of these:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Dx6FqFSeek

Edited November 19, 2011 by hypervalent_iodine