Breaking Point

[numisirow]

I've always been a loser but I've never realized it until a few years ago. Never was good with people, and until very late in life I thought the only way to make friends and please people was to do and be everything they wanted us to. I shaped my personality on that of those I wanted to be friends with. I wasn't myself. So I was bullied, beaten, mocked, taken advantage of and such.

 

Then there were the parental units. Work took them away a lot, and the little time we spent together was them saying constantly I behaved like a lunatic and if I didn't behave properly I was to be commited to an institution. What a great thing to say to a child, right? My whole family, though small, started to see me this way. I was the crazy one, the child that never said anything that made sense, the child who always had to be watched lest he break, stole or severely damaged anything. Well, movin' on...

 

Let's see...School: Check; Parents/Family: Check; Work - Check my other story "damned if you do..."; That leaves married life.

 

I don't have to tell you about my love life, use your imagination under these circumstances. I met my future wife and eight years later we got married. Best and fastest day of my entire life. I later found out that my marriage isn't a partnership, but a domination. She's the dominating one, I'm the dominated one.

 

So at this point I really start thinking like that famous Demotivator poster with the picture of a sinking ship that says «It may be that your goal in life is to serve as a warning to others.». I looked around and realized that no one respected me, people saw me as a child of 5 in a 30 year-old body, the lunatic mad prankster who never took anything seriously and never did anything right. I had one last chance to prove myself to the world: to have children of my own, to make others around me see that I too could make something right, something beautiful. Then the Doctor told me I couldn't have children. I was sterile. No chance in Hell.

[PeterJ]

Quite a story. But you know, many people have these kinds of problems. Nothing for it but to grit your teeth. Having children is great, but it is also a fantastic drain of energy, money and time, and makes you worry for the rest of your life. And being crazy is the only sensible course of action in this crazy society. I have every intention of becoming increasingly crazy. As for domineering wives, it is often their most vital role to be domineeering and usually very difficult to prevent them. To hell with it all. There's no rule that says you have to be a winner, and the meek may inherit the earth. How about you take one bold and slightly frightening decision today and act on it, and do this every day for a fortnight. Your self-respect will benefit from your decisiveness and ability to act, and it will remind you that it is you who are in charge of yourself.

[ewmon]

Imagine the number of people who go through life never having such an epiphany. Socrates apparently said that the unexamined life is not worth living.

 

I hear a lot of guilt from beginning to end: I've always been a loser ... No chance in Hell. Having realized this about your past, you can now address your future more appropriately and effectively. Our environment helps to shape us, and we help to shape our environment. Time to be the captain of your ship.

 

I applaud you for your forthrightness and willingness to accept advice. As for children, I would try really hard, try all sorts of advice (nutrition, boxers, timing, whatever), and prove the doctors wrong (as they sometimes are). Try another doctor who uses different tests or treatments. If you are absolutely shooting blanks, there's always adoption etc. There is someone to fill that child-sized hole in your heart.

 

As for Life, I didn't get a guarantee when I was born. At middle age, almost everything has been, or is being, taken from me (family, health, career, etc).

[CaptainPanic]

In order to make a change, you fist need to describe the problem. Reading your opening post, I think we can check that box.

Then next, I guess you need a plan what to do next? A goal? And if you want our advice (I guess you do, since you came to a forum) we need some boundary conditions. Are you gonna stay with your wife, or not? Do you want to meet all your other relatives on a regular basis or not? In other words: how drastic can the changes in your life be?

 

Personally, I would recommend to get out of there for a while. Alone. Move to a different country if you can, or at least to a new town. A place where people do not know you, and don't expect a certain behavior from you. It gives you a completely fresh start. Start searching for a job relatively far away from home.

Living somewhere else will make you comfortable with the person you think you really are (yes, that sounds funny). You actually should get used to you. Build some self-confidence.

 

If you've been away for long enough, you hopefully built up enough self-confidence so that even moving back to the old place should not make you fall back to your old role. You do not have to completely break with your past, but make sure you have plenty of time away from it.

If your facebook or whatever social internet terror you might use is cluttered with stuff you'd rather forget, then make an effort to clean it up before moving to a new place. Make sure you're not constantly reminded of the loser you used to be.

 

I've moved a couple of times in my life, and once you get past the bureaucratic issues (can be horrible), it's a good feeling to make a fresh start. Everybody develops, but also everybody seems to expect the same behavior from other people - and that can cause conflicts when people outgrow their current environment. It takes a little time to get used to changes in friends/relatives, and for some it's completely impossible to accept changes in others. So, moving away removes these expectations, and removes some boundaries for you to change. I admit it can be daunting to live in a place where you don't know anyone, and it takes quite a bit of initiative to get a group of friends... and I'm not even talking about the trouble to get a job. It's a big step, but it can be totally worth it.

 

I recommend to search for a relatively dynamic environment, because it's easier to become friends with other newcomers than with people who have already established a group of friends or a family.

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

Interestingly, this post is on a couple thousand other websites. Interesting spam scheme -- get into the community with something that sounds legit, then start spamming.

[D H]

He has spammed us twice with this same junk. This thread, and this one as another user (but with a very similar name). Ban both of 'em.

Edited January 21, 2012 by D H

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

Yeah, they've both been nuked. I'm perpetually amazed by the ingenuity of spammers.

[CaptainPanic]

I did not even notice any link? What's the point of spamming in such a way?

 

Or did you guys remove a link before I even replied?

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

There was no link. I think a common scheme is to post the genuine-sounding message, wait a while, then edit it to include spam. Or at least that's my hypothesis; we don't allow edits after a certain time frame.

[StringJunky]

There was no link. I think a common scheme is to post the genuine-sounding message, wait a while, then edit it to include spam. Or at least that's my hypothesis; we don't allow edits after a certain time frame.

 

You are right. Professional spammers 'seed' sites with innocuous posts and then slip a link in sometime later. They synchronise the insertion simultaneously with many other sites and the resulting spate of many clicks gives their site a higher search engine ranking.