What Can YOu DO?

[gene]

Situation: You're confused, fustrated and sad. You think that you did badly for an exam and your future is ruined. You are completely devastated? What can you do??? To prevent yourself from entering into a state of depression?

[YT2095]

why worry about that which you can`t change?

 

get on with something else instead

[gene]

sometimes. it is R E A L L Y hard to let go. jeez.

[YT2095]

and sometimes it`s unavoidable too (as this sounds likely to be).

 

ask yourself a few basic questions during a "Quiet" moment.

 

1. can worring about it change,alter or correct these events?

2. if it can`t, what would the purpose of worrying about it serve?

3. What have I learned about this that may assist me (or someone else) in the future?

4. are there alternative avenues that I can use to acheive something even better!?

[Gilded]

I always think this things in a bigger scale. So what if I failed my math exam (at least I think I did, haven't received it yet) - it's not going to end the world or kill anyone.

[Glider]

Your main problem is the automatic progression from "You think you did badly [in] an exam" to "Your future is ruined".

 

Even actually doing badly in an exam can't ruin your future. It can only change it. In what way is up to you.

 

As it stands, you don't even know that you did badly. I'd wait until the evidence is in before worrying about ruined futures and stuff.

[gene]

thanks for all the advice.

 

After Exams, has often made me plunge into a state of depression. It can be fustrating sometimes. Glider, you're on the dot. Has that something to do with my pessimistic character or is it some disorder?

[Glider]

I seriously doubt it's a disorder. It probably has more to do with your proximity to the issue. You studied for the exam, and you sat it. You were directly involved and for that day, the exam was all there was, so it looks disproportionately larger than it really is, compared to the rest of your life.

 

I went out on a Canarian fishing boat once. We went out just before dawn, and whilst we were fishing, the boat seemed huge (there were four of us on board) and there was us, the boat, and the ocean (couldn't see land). When we got back and offloaded our catch, we were walking to the market and I looked back at the boat. I could not believe how small it was (5m). It really had seemed so much bigger when that's all there was.

 

I suspect your view of the exam is much the same. Being so involved in it will have changed you perspective a bit. The further away you get from it, the smaller it will appear.

 

Post exam deflation is mainly a function the highly aroused state many people are in when they sit exams. Once it's all over there's generally a sense of anticlimax, however well you think you did. If you have a generally pessimistic outlook, obviously that won't help either. Nonetheless, as I say, the further you get from it, the smaller it will seem.

[gene]

yeah, i get what you mean. After some time, the effect isn't so great. Yet, whenever someone speaks of it again, all negative thoughts and energy would start coming back again.

 

This is so werid. I wonder why the brain captures so much, especially if it is an isolated event or thing. Has it got to do with neurone connections?

[Glider]

In a way, but it has more to do with your state during the event. Highly 'charged' situations, i.e. those leading to heightened states of arousal increase learning. so-called 'Flashbulb' memories occur as a result of being in heightened emotional states.

 

Your emotional state signals that the event is salient, so your brain tries to record more of it, to help you learn to deal with similar events in the future.

 

Best thing when people start talking about it again is just to tell them to shut up. It's pointless getting involved in 'If only' trains of thought regarding past events anyway. Learn from the experience by all means, but exam post mortems are of limited use.

[gene]

wah. this is very interesting. can we deem "heightened states of arousal" as concentration?

 

And is concentration somewhat linked to our emotions?

[Milkman]

Don't worry so much about marks. So what if you did poorly on one test. Its not the end of the world. Just study really hard for the next test and try to improve your average. Don't let little things get you down.

[gene]

yeah. i think eventually time would bury these negative energies.

[Glider]

wah. this is very interesting. can we deem "heightened states of arousal" as concentration?

They are different things. Concentration requires deliberate intent, whereas heightened states of arousal occur without deliberate intent. Moreover, they are often mutually exclusive.

 

And is concentration somewhat linked to our emotions?

Not really, or at least only insofar as heightened emotional arousal can disrupt concentration.

 

Attention is directed by arousal, but concentration is more often disrupted by it.

[gene]

Attention is directed by arousal' date=' but concentration is more often disrupted by it.[/quote']

 

So, attention-span and concentration mean 2 different things?

 

IS there anyway, you can "un-heighten" the emotional arousal? Cause i have difficulties focusing.

[Glider]

Attention span, attention and concentration are all different things. Concentration refers to directed, volitional thought on a particular topic. Attention span refers to the length of time you can maintain a focus on one subject or object, for example, in a lecture.

 

Attention refers to your point of focus, the object or matter you are mentally attending to.

 

As for 'unheightening' emotional arousal, we in the trade call that 'relaxing'.

 

Your difficulty in focusing may or may not be due to states of arousal. It could just as easily be due to a short attention span, where your attention wanders from the subject/object after a short period of time. I takes effort to bring it back, but it gets easier over time.

[gene]

Your difficulty in focusing may or may not be due to states of arousal. It could just as easily be due to a short attention span' date=' where your attention wanders from the subject/object after a short period of time. I takes effort to bring it back, but it gets easier over time.[/quote']

i assumes that is the part of the will?

 

Thank you glider for the explanations. It is very much appreciated.

[coquina]

about a lot of stuff that I thought would "ruin my life". My husband used to do the same thing. We would nag each other and argue over things. One morning I woke up and he was DEAD.

 

It changed my perspective about what to worry about and what not to worry about entirely. I wish I could have known how unimportant some of the things I stressed over really were.

[Glider]

i assumes that is the part of the will?

 

Thank you glider for the explanations. It is very much appreciated.

'Will' would be a reasonable term to describe it. It takes an effort of will to concentrate on a particular topic for periods longer than ~40 minutes (the actual time depends on your attention span).

 

You're welcome

[Verusamore]

Whats your thoughts on buddhists / buddhism ?

[Glider]

What? Where did that come from? Are you testing my lateral response capabilities or something?

[Verusamore]

errrrrm , just simple random question with no intention , you seem to be either thinking to much or smoking to much , I didn't expect a question to come back onto my intentions but if there were a reason for me to ask it would be because I'm studying Psychology next year and I have also an interest in Buddhism and a thought on buddhism from someone like you would be something that I would appreciate to know .

[gene]

about a lot of stuff that I thought would "ruin my life". My husband used to do the same thing. We would nag each other and argue over things. One morning I woke up and he was DEAD.

 

It changed my perspective about what to worry about and what not to worry about entirely. I wish I could have known how unimportant some of the things I stressed over really were.

 

that's really scary. Sorry to hear that. how did he actually die?

 

Well, whenever i am down but when i see someone worse off than me, i seem to get a bit of comfort out of it. That's quite werid.

[coquina]

Butch had hypertension and diabetes, but he took meds for both and we thought they were under control. I don't know exactly what happened, I had the option of having an autopsy done and chose not to.

 

The point I was trying to make is that you don't know what the future holds for you, so there is no way you can know that failing an exam will ruin it.

 

Every day the choices we make, as well as happenstance alter our future. I have a friend whose grandfather thought his future was ruined when he missed the ship that would carry him to a new life in America. The ship was the Titanic.

 

He eventually was able to book passage on another boat, came here, got a great job as a shipbuilder, and lived to be 99. Had he caught the Titanic, he would have been in Steerage class, and almost certainly would have drowned.

[gene]

Point Learned. Somethings things are just out of our control. The more you want it to happen, the more it won't. However, when you don't want it to happen, it happens. LIfe is a paradox man. I still can't understand it.

At least i know that my depression has gone hiding.

 

Now, i am better at letting go of things. Going back to my old cheerful self.

 

You know, i REALLY appreciate all your advices. It's been a moral booster. THANK YOU ALL !!!