Relationship Help

[hypervalent_iodine]

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Moderator Note

randomc,

I hardly think I even need to explain why your last comment was inappropriate.

[hypervalent_iodine]

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Moderator Note

You don't seem to be getting my point. Get back on topic and stop with the hostility.

[iNow]

World - I recommend this article to give some additional clarity on what's probably happening in your situation. I've included one relevant paragraph below, but you ought to read both pages at the link.

 

 

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends

 

The results suggest large gender differences in how men and women experience opposite-sex friendships. Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them—a clearly misguided belief. In fact, men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt—basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experienced was mutual, and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends. Women, too, were blind to the mindset of their opposite-sex friends; because females generally were not attracted to their male friends, they assumed that this lack of attraction was mutual. As a result, men consistently overestimated the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction felt by their male friends.

[chilled_fluorine]

Can you help a high scholler out? Okay, here's the deal: I like this girl. She's a senior, and I'm a freshman. I don't know if she likes me back. I don't really know if she has a boyfriend or not. Her facebook says no, but I figure she does. I don't know wether to tell her how I feel or not. I'm always in perpetual fear of being rejected. I figured I'd ask fellow nerds, because most think the way I do. Please help.

 

Well, the first thing you need to do is find out if she has a boyfriend. If not, ask yourself (sorry, but you do need to) "Am I looking for a quickie in the school bathroom, or do I seriously like this girl?" If the prior, proceed as any stud would. If the latter, you're going to need to be more careful. Remember: girls like to be shown off, girls like to be complimented, girls like shows of your sincerity, girls like passion, and girls like to be told what to do. You might not believe the last one, but it's true. It takes some experience, so you might not want to try it on a girl you *really* like the first time. Anyways, just how geeky *are* you? If she's at all popular, and not just as insecure as you are, you don't have a very good chance. Work on making yourself seem less nerdy, tell yourself that you're just like any other kid, and act accordingly. Make friends with some of the "cool" kids, if you can. PRACTICE with other girls. Spend an hour a day at the gym instead of playing minecraft on the desktop. Girls will notice. Try to avoid "uncool" kids while she is within sight. Swap out some of those words the average person doesn't understand for profanities, obscenities, and slang terms. Once you think you've got the hang of it, just ASK HER OUT. The worst she can do is say no. Besides, there are probably plenty of girls in your school who are just as attractive, if you fail with this one.I was honor roll straight through high school, but the girls were all over me. Apparently, they found "captain of the tennis team" sexy. Strange, isn't it? If you don't ask her out within a month, you probably never will, so ask me questions and DO WHAT I SAID. Sorry to ramble- chilled (Who, btw, got laid in college more times than he could keep track of. Inappropriate, I know.)

[hypervalent_iodine]

... and girls like to be told what to do. You might not believe the last one, but it's true.

 

Oh really, now? And when will you be returning to the 1950's?

[chilled_fluorine]

Oh really, now? And when will you be returning to the 1950's?

 

Not to be prejudiced, of course, I was just saying what worked for me. If tattooing a swastika on my forehead helped (no, I never tried that), then it probably would have been in my post. Anyways, I just meant on dates and stuff. EX. "We are going to the movies tonight, at 8." Bad ex. "You are a stupid woman and you will do what I say. Go wash the dishes/raise children." Sorry if I offended you. I guess I assumed only men would be posting on this thread, and up until now it has been true.

[hypervalent_iodine]

1353330229[/url]' post='714095']

Not to be prejudiced, of course, I was just saying what worked for me. If tattooing a swastika on my forehead helped (no, I never tried that), then it probably would have been in my post. Anyways, I just meant on dates and stuff. EX. "We are going to the movies tonight, at 8." Bad ex. "You are a stupid woman and you will do what I say. Go wash the dishes/raise children." Sorry if I offended you. I guess I assumed only men would be posting on this thread, and up until now it has been true.

 

No. I don't accept that, 'we are going to the movies tonight at 8,' or similar sorts of demanding statements is an appropriate way to talk to or interact with your significant other. Both of those statements you made are indicative of an abusive and controlling relationship and it saddens me to know that there are women out there who think that sort of treatment is okay. I refuse to believe that a majority or even a sizable portion of women enjoy being made to submit to the will of the person they are with with respect to where they go, what they wear, etc. To my mind, a relationship is supposed to consist of two people on an equal playing field with give and take on both sides, not one person doing what the other person says all the time.

 

I also fail to see how, 'I assumed only men would be posting on this thread,' is at all an excuse for acting the misogynist.

[chilled_fluorine]

No. I don't accept that, 'we are going to the movies tonight at 8,' or similar sorts of demanding statements is an appropriate way to talk to or interact your significant other. Both of those statements you made are indicative of an abusive and controlling relationship and it saddens me to know that there are women out there who think that sort of treatment is okay. I refuse to believe that a majority or even a sizable portion of women enjoy being made to submit to the will of the person they are with with respect to where they go, what they wear, etc. To my mind, a relationship is supposed to consist of two people on an equal playing field with give and take on both sides, not one person doing what the other person says all the time.

 

I also fail to see how, 'I assumed only men would be posting on this thread,' is at all an excuse for acting the misogynist.

 

Agreed, it's "misogynistic" and demeaning, but heck, it worked for me 95% of the time. But then, it wasn't a relationship I was looking for, if you know what I mean... They thought I was looking for a relationship, although I made it clear I wasn't. If women want to be treated with respect, they need to show us they want it, and that they don't want to be told what to do. They didn't, I did what worked. What's wrong with doing what works? Btw, if you are so good at picking up women (at least in theory, I'll assume you're straight), why don't you give the kid some advice? Do you have the right to challenge my solution before you've even attempted to offer a better one? ...this should be good...

[hypervalent_iodine]

Agreed, it's "misogynistic" and demeaning, but heck, it worked for me 95% of the time. But then, it wasn't a relationship I was looking for, if you know what I mean... They thought I was looking for a relationship, although I made it clear I wasn't. If women want to be treated with respect, they need to show us they want it, and that they don't want to be told what to do. They didn't, I did what worked. What's wrong with doing what works?

 

Your advice is then off topic for this thread, since the OP is quite obviously looking for something beyond getting laid. Why exactly should a woman have to show that she wants to be treated with respect to get some?

 

Btw, if you are so good at picking up women (at least in theory, I'll assume you're straight), why don't you give the kid some advice? Do you have the right to challenge my solution before you've even attempted to offer a better one? ...this should be good...

 

Oh, I'm straight alright, much to mooeypoo's displeasure.

 

Nice strawman, though. I don't believe I said or even implied anything close to being fantastic at picking up women.

[chilled_fluorine]

Your advice is then off topic for this thread, since the OP is quite obviously looking for something beyond getting laid. Why exactly should a woman have to show that she wants to be treated with respect to get some?

 

 

 

Oh, I'm straight alright, much to mooeypoo's displeasure.

 

Nice strawman, though. I don't believe I said or even implied anything close to being fantastic at picking up women.

 

"Your advice is then off topic for this thread, since the OP is quite obviously looking for something beyond getting laid." Fair enough, although you can never be sure what it means when a guy "really likes" a girl. Men are very shallow. More often than not, it means he'd like to get laid by her, at least from what I've seen. I say we ask him, to clarify.

"Why exactly should a woman have to show that she wants to be treated with respect to get some?" She shouldn't, but if she wants to be treated with respect, she definitely shouldn't show the inverse."Oh, I'm straight alright, much to mooeypoo's displeasure." LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, is mooeypoo seriously a lesbian? That would explain why she's sooooo...... You know. And her username. And she's into you?

"Nice strawman, though. I don't believe I said or even implied anything close to being fantastic at picking up women." This will surely piss you off, but if you know you can't contribute, why are you on this thread? My "strawman" was to point this out to you. My guess was to lurk until someone said something you could knot into "offensive" and get your kicks for the day by attacking them. Atripolitan raised the same "offensive" point I did, quite a while before I did, yet you choose to go after me. Interesting.

[iNow]

Your problem is that you extrapolate your own extremely limited experience and incredibly restricted exposure to people into broad generalizations, and you then make the further mistake of assuming your points remain accurate at this larger scale.

 

That, and you're a bit of a douchebag.

[hypervalent_iodine]

"Your advice is then off topic for this thread, since the OP is quite obviously looking for something beyond getting laid." Fair enough, although you can never be sure what it means when a guy "really likes" a girl. Men are very shallow. More often than not, it means he'd like to get laid by her, at least from what I've seen. I say we ask him, to clarify.

"Why exactly should a woman have to show that she wants to be treated with respect to get some?" She shouldn't, but if she wants to be treated with respect, she definitely shouldn't show the inverse."Oh, I'm straight alright, much to mooeypoo's displeasure." LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, is mooeypoo seriously a lesbian? That would explain why she's sooooo...... You know. And her username. And she's into you?

"Nice strawman, though. I don't believe I said or even implied anything close to being fantastic at picking up women." This will surely piss you off, but if you know you can't contribute, why are you on this thread? My "strawman" was to point this out to you. My guess was to lurk until someone said something you could knot into "offensive" and get your kicks for the day by attacking them. Atripolitan raised the same "offensive" point I did, quite a while before I did, yet you choose to go after me. Interesting.

 

Alright, we're done here. It's become apparent that you are here to troll and elicit responses for your own entertainment and frankly, I have better things to do than to try and enlighten someone on the wonders of equality and the 21st century. Let me know when you get that DeLorean back up and running.

 

To respond to the comment on your profile page, which was rather amusing.

 

Hypervalentiodine won't stop with her bigotry and false accusations of misogynism, so I've unfriended her. Just thought I'd say. Check the thread "relationship help", and take my side, if you would. Anyone interested in being a "replacement friend?" Help a brother out and give me a PM. But hyper would call me a misogynist for not using a gender-neutral expression, so...

 

If you somehow think that my arguments were born out of my gender, then I'm afraid you are sadly mistaken. No where in this thread have I ever started a sentence with, 'as a female,' or anything even remotely like it and I didn't write any of my replies with my vagina.

 

My problem with your posts isn't specifically that you show a discriminatory attitude towards the female sex, it's that I generally have a problem with people who think it's okay to treat someone without the same level of respect that they demand for themselves.

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

"Why exactly should a woman have to show that she wants to be treated with respect to get some?" She shouldn't, but if she wants to be treated with respect, she definitely shouldn't show the inverse."Oh, I'm straight alright, much to mooeypoo's displeasure." LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, is mooeypoo seriously a lesbian? That would explain why she's sooooo...... You know. And her username. And she's into you?

This attitude is not acceptable on SFN. I don't know what you're implying about lesbians and women in general, but it's certainly not in line with rule 1.c. We do not tolerate misogyny.

 

Enjoy your vacation from SFN.