The new country of California

[TimeTraveler]

Dear Mr. President

 

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the blue states with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast.

 

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then.

 

So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get the Governator, stem cell research and the best beaches,. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (We will keep Martha Stewart, but having served her sentence she will now be a contributor to society rather than the unindicted contributors to your campaign). We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand, We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the technological innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families, You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we know how much you like that.

 

Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But check the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs.

 

Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts.

 

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all blue state citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.

 

Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction.

 

Seriously. Soon.

 

Sincerely,

 

California

 

I got this in my email, hope you find it humorous.

[budullewraagh]

and don't forget that if new york city were to secede it would have the 7th greatest GDP in the world

[Aardvark]

Isn't seccesion supposed to be a bit naughty in the USA? You don't want Bush doing an Abraham Lincoln on you do you?

[budullewraagh]

thing is that if he tried the world would be against him and would come to aid new york

[john5746]

"Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts."

 

We got Jack Daniels, who needs wine?

 

Where would the Yanks go when they retire?

[budullewraagh]

cape cod

[Aardvark]

thing is that if he tried the world would be against him and would come to aid new york

 

Your faith in the rest of the world is touching. Not quite so sure that i'd be happy to see any of my countrymen die for New York though.

 

Still, good luck, will New York be part of the same country as California, or are you going for two seperate states?