daisy Posted April 18, 2003 Posted April 18, 2003 Since I sense there are a lot of younger adults on this forum, may I ask a question? My teenage son and daughter seem to believe that me and their father are morons who are hell bent on spoiling their fun? What could I say to them to let them know that a) our heads do NOT zip up the back and b) we are only concerned for their welfare? I know this is boring but they think the world has changed immeasurably from the time we were young and clearly this is not the case in some areas. What would make you listen to your parents? Any guidance gratefully received. Particularly in the area of driving your car too fast.
daisy Posted April 18, 2003 Author Posted April 18, 2003 P.S. I not kidding - I'm having real problems getting them to even acknowledge our existence.
Sayonara Posted April 19, 2003 Posted April 19, 2003 Make them watch Battle Royale - it's a lovely little Japanese film that deals with unruly young people.
KHinfcube22 Posted April 19, 2003 Posted April 19, 2003 My suggestion is, seeing how I am a yonug teen my self, that you shloud either a) show them something you wrote and let them see how inteligent you are b) give them a huge responcibility like raising their own kid and see how they like, or c) go insane trying to figure what they are thinnking while they do the same thing.
daisy Posted April 19, 2003 Author Posted April 19, 2003 I suspect option c) will be the most likely outcome:-( ! but thanks for the suggestions! Looking back on my own teen years I never listened to anyone older than about 21 either. So I guess I shouldn't be so offended.
Dave Posted April 19, 2003 Posted April 19, 2003 It's just something that we tend to do for some reason. I'm sure I'll start talking to my parents more when I'm older, same for your kids.
KHinfcube22 Posted April 22, 2003 Posted April 22, 2003 When I'm older, I'll just yell at my kids for being kids, throw a beer can at them, and tell them to clean the house. You know, like all normal parents.
Dave Posted April 22, 2003 Posted April 22, 2003 The worst part is I know some parents that'd do that.
Meerschaum Posted April 23, 2003 Posted April 23, 2003 I think the main thing you can do (as my parents did) is try to 'guide' or 'lead by example' more then lead by force... my parents where my friends growing up...and I never had any problems with the law or serious drug use problems... I could always tell my parents what I was doing without them reacting to me with anger...because there is little you can do after the fact.... I had very little if any anger for my parents growing up... not that they rolled over and spoiled me... it was just common respect I think...
Raider Posted April 23, 2003 Posted April 23, 2003 Your kids have to know *every* rule you give them is important. When a parent is micro-managing a kids life it is very annoying and you will start getting ignored quickly. Thus, keep your mouth shut about small matters and let them learn for themselves. When their safety is genuinely at risk or an equally grave matter, explain to them WHY such is the case, and THEN what you think is the best course of action. If your intervention is rare enough it will be seen as important when it comes and most intelligent people (yes, kids are too) will respect that. Never tell them what to do and then explain yourself after they question you. This is not how logic works. Argument THEN conclusion. If your kids are idiots, you just have to beat the mess out of them, I suppose.
Raider Posted April 23, 2003 Posted April 23, 2003 Another tid bit, make sure your emphasis is on their well-being rather than the enforcement of your rules (even though they may seem the same, it is all about attitude). A lot of parents royally screw this part up on an all too regular basis.
the GardenGnome Posted April 24, 2003 Posted April 24, 2003 Originally posted by KHinfcube22 My suggestion is, seeing how I am a yonug teen my self, that you shloud either a) show them something you wrote and let them see how inteligent you are b) give them a huge responcibility like raising their own kid and see how they like, or c) go insane trying to figure what they are thinnking while they do the same thing. C) Would be good.(it might be crazy enough to work)
KHinfcube22 Posted April 24, 2003 Posted April 24, 2003 The problem is when one raises kids is that if you let your kids do anything they want, they don't like there parents for being so carless, but if one is more strict, the kids don't like them for that. I think we should just come up with something that will either a)cause kids to automatically turn into adults once born, or b)Never have kids and just live forever.
daisy Posted April 24, 2003 Author Posted April 24, 2003 Good to get your feedback on this. We've always tried to walk the fine line between freedom and discipline (possibly not always with success!) but we have two very strong-minded youngsters and we always have to reiterate that it's their welfare we're concerned with. They're not dreadful kids or anything but they're going through that "I'm right and you're wrong" stuff. They very definitely have their own ideas about things so hopefully that means we've managed to instill a sense of independence (at least that's how I choose to interpret it!).
Dudde Posted April 25, 2003 Posted April 25, 2003 mutual respect is something that works for me.... although I DO listen to people older than 21, I can't seem to learn anything from anyone under the age of around 30 anymore:p most kids won't do that, they're not interested in learning, they just want to do something to see what happens with it, my suggestion is let them play it out and make mistakes (*note that if they want to test something like what would happen if I set my hair on fire after a good dousing of hair spray....that would be a good intervening time..)
KHinfcube22 Posted April 26, 2003 Posted April 26, 2003 I try not to listen to my parents lectures, but I do listen to most adults over the age of 32, (all others are still kids to me.) Most of what my parents say is something they have already said a thousand times before. If you want your klids to listen, find out what they like, and talk for hours about that.
blike Posted April 26, 2003 Posted April 26, 2003 Most of what my parents say is something they have already said a thousand times before. You probably didn't listen the first time, or second, or third, which is why you're hearing it again
atinymonkey Posted April 29, 2003 Posted April 29, 2003 A good school. Kid's spend 7/8 hours at school a day, that leave 6ish hours of TV, homework messing around, eating and stuff. That's little enough time with parents to ignore them if you put your mind to it. So make it a good school and they can have surrogate parents in the teachers! Ah, the lazy parenting I'm planning. TV, Playstation, and school.
fafalone Posted April 29, 2003 Posted April 29, 2003 Computers are overtaking TV for occupying kids time... at least they're interacting.
daisy Posted April 29, 2003 Author Posted April 29, 2003 "A good school" would indeed have been great - but there's only one choice in the small town we live in. And it's not terrible but it's not that good either. Short of sending them to the nearest public (which in Britain means private or independant - figure that one out) school, which is fee-paying and more than we can afford, we had no choice. Anyway, I think the buck stops with the parents not the teachers. That's not to say that you don't find exceptional teacher's who can really inspire a child - I've met the odd one. I think we have to grit our teeth just now when they're at their most rebellious and tell ourselves they'll be OK. And we do try hard "not to sweat the small stuff" and only step in when there's a real problem. We also do try to have proper conversations with them and not just "why haven't you done a, b or c" etc. Lazy parenting eh? That's what you think atinymonkey;) !
atinymonkey Posted April 30, 2003 Posted April 30, 2003 Sorry, I didn't mean you were a lazy parent. It's me that's planning to ignore my own offspring! I don't think public schools are particually healthy, especially bording schools. I was at one for a year before asking to move back to a state school, I didn't like the enviroment much. I think a small town probably has a good school by default, due the the enviroment that it's based in. It's the inner city schools that have trouble with the kids, by and large. Perhaps picking a smaller school is more healthy for a child as they are part of a community rather than a gang in the crowd. Mind you, I don't know much about school systems, so I'm probably off base.
the GardenGnome Posted April 30, 2003 Posted April 30, 2003 Originally posted by fafalone Computers are overtaking TV for occupying kids time... at least they're interacting. Yeah, computers aren't that bad. With the internet you can learn so much.
KHinfcube22 Posted May 8, 2003 Posted May 8, 2003 Originally posted by atinymonkey Sorry, I didn't mean you were a lazy parent. It's me that's planning to ignore my own offspring! I don't think public schools are particually healthy, especially bording schools. I was at one for a year before asking to move back to a state school, I didn't like the enviroment much. I think a small town probably has a good school by default, due the the enviroment that it's based in. It's the inner city schools that have trouble with the kids, by and large. Perhaps picking a smaller school is more healthy for a child as they are part of a community rather than a gang in the crowd. Mind you, I don't know much about school systems, so I'm probably off base. I don't like small town school enviroments. Then everyone is someones cousin or other, and you don't meet very many new people. Oh ya, I love you plan for parenting, is there any 12 hour schools out there?
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