15 mo old behaviour tips annyone?

[Lady Lassa]

I have a problem. When my daughter was born there was NEVER (not an exaggeration) a time when she didn't need comfort/picked up. She spends 90% (not an exaggeration), of her time sreeching and wrything around like she is in pain. When I made her pediatrician aware of this he said it's a phase that she'll grow out of eventually, just make sure she is not hurt/wet/hungry/bored/lonely or psysically annoyed (tight clothing, hair wrapped around toes etc...), then if the sreeching continues to put her down and let her cry it out.

She is now 15 months old and it has not stopped, in fact her behaviour has become more dangerous and alarming. Now she hits people including herself and she violently will thrash around or throw her head into everything in front of her if she is told no, or if she is not getting what she wants.

I'd like to say I'm a very smart person, I have over 50 credit hours of Psychology under my belt and she is STUMPING me! Granted my psych focuses on more adult behaviour, but I have taken a few developmental classes which I've aced that begin at birth.

I've tried the gentle approach, the cry it out approach, even the ignore it approach not one has worked. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, or doing it in the wrong order.

I should also add she is rediculously attached to me, she will thrash and scream if anyone including daddy tries to pick her up or if I simply put her down (ya know I gotta pee sometimes).

 

Damn I wish there was a formula for this lol.

 

HELP!

[Moontanman]

I would suggest visiting a doctor specializing in child behavior..

[iNow]

Yeah, it could be anything and any internet idiot can login here pretending to know what they're talking about and completely steer you in the wrong direction.

 

There are so many different variables involved between genetics, environment, food or allergies, sleep schedule, developmental phase, teething, wonder weeks... Only someone properly trained and able to evaluate the child in person can offer assistance, and even then they may turn up nothing or be unable to help. Regardless, don't trust advise given on Internet forums or blogs for anything more than a starting point in your own research.

[Lady Lassa]

Alas, the doctors are of little help that's why I and thousands of others reach out to the internet. I'm just looking for an intelligent brainstorm with like-minded psychology buffs. Maybe even dropping a link to a page you think would be helpful.

I'm trying to raise a responsible thinker and not a mindless comsumer, so every step I take is thought through thoroughly.

Thank you for trying to help, I realise you did care enough to post.

Edited April 10, 2015 by Lady Lassa

[StringJunky]

If she has no physical problems she may be crying because it works.

[iNow]

I had a similar thought. With the being picked up or not allowing daddy to pickup, there may be a touch of enabling going on. Also, she's communicating what she wants and repeating what's effective. Will be interesting to see how that evolves as her vocabulary grows and communication skills improve.

[StringJunky]

I had a similar thought. With the being picked up or not allowing daddy to pickup, there may be a touch of enabling going on. Also, she's communicating what she wants and repeating what's effective. Will be interesting to see how that evolves as her vocabulary grows and communication skills improve.

Yes, i think she'll likely start to communicate her wishes eventually in the next few months as she becomes properly talkative. She also seems like a 'Mummys' girl', for now, so it's not necessarily unusual that she isn't wanting her Dad, or anyone else, at the moment when she's upset.

[michel123456]

I would suggest visiting a doctor specializing in child behavior..

Yes, I support Moon's suggestion. There exist psychologists specialized in child with difficult behaviour. You are not alone. It can turn bad (very bad). You should go quickly.

[Lady Lassa]

Thank you to all who have tried to help me. I have my answer now. I am no longer in need of help on this topic.

[DrP]

What was the problem? Has she calmed down? Did you give her beer to shut her up? Apparently I was given a bottle full of Guiness as baby when I wouldn't shut up... I slept for hours apparently. I would not advise this AT ALL.... I can take it as I am super hard, but modern babies might not be able to take a bottle of beer. ;-)

[Lady Lassa]

I've been scared off this forum/site and strongly advised to not help people in this forum/site. Even when I want to present hard proof, sorry. I will contribute elsewhere.

[DrP]

To start a thread asking for tips or advice on a problem that starts a discussion and brings people into it, then say 'you have your answer now' and not actually share that answer with us is a bit annoying... when asked politely what the answer was, so that people that were involved with the discussion or who were following it can draw an end conclusion to the thread, you reply with what you did, I find a little rude. Just saying. I can only assume you were upset by someone in some other thread or something. Anyway - if you are leaving, then who cares I suppose.

 

I was actually interested to find out what the problem was...

Edited May 1, 2015 by DrP

[Lady Lassa]

To start a thread asking for tips or advice on a problem that starts a discussion and brings people into it, then say 'you have your answer now' and not actually share that answer with us is a bit annoying... when asked politely what the answer was, so that people that were involved with the discussion or who were following it can draw an end conclusion to the thread, you reply with what you did, I find a little rude. Just saying. I can only assume you were upset by someone in some other thread or something. Anyway - if you are leaving, then who cares I suppose.

 

I was actually interested to find out what the problem was...

 

Here is the reason I replied as I did... http://www.scienceforums.net/topic/88799-giving-out-medical-advice-on-an-online-forum-split-from-children-hitting-themselves/

 

Let me go back and find my info and I'll post it for you.

To start a thread asking for tips or advice on a problem that starts a discussion and brings people into it, then say 'you have your answer now' and not actually share that answer with us is a bit annoying... when asked politely what the answer was, so that people that were involved with the discussion or who were following it can draw an end conclusion to the thread, you reply with what you did, I find a little rude. Just saying. I can only assume you were upset by someone in some other thread or something. Anyway - if you are leaving, then who cares I suppose.

 

I was actually interested to find out what the problem was...

 

I totally understand your frustration, I was in the same boat. I have a regained confidence in this site now and I know I wouldn't have wanted that type of conclusion so here are my findings...

 

About the biting and hitting (simple tantrum in response to frustration really) http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001922.htmand here is the full article... http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1745-7599.2012.00755.x/full

Now abour rhe separation anxiety I had belived my doctor when he said "When it's bedtime and she fussess put her in the crib, walk away and let her cry it out.", what was wrong with this was she was just figuring out object permanace and by my doing that she thought I fell off the face of the earth! I have changed her bedtime routine by reading this... http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002392.htm, and it worked! She is more accepting of other people taking her from mommy because she knows I don't just go away. I also read one of D. W. Winnicotts books I found in my library that were helpful... http://www.amazon.com/Winnicott-On-The-Child-D-w/dp/0738207640?tag=duckduckgo-d-20

 

I hope this helps you as it did me.

[fiveworlds]

she was just figuring out object permanace and by my doing that she thought I fell off the face of the earth

 

According to Piaget's theory of cognitive development a child is developing object permanence from anywhere between 12 and 18 months but of course there is some leniency in this and it does not take into account children with cognitive deficiencies.

 

When it's bedtime and she fussess put her in the crib, walk away and let her cry it out.

 

As a result of attachment theory. You and a very limited number of people are considered by the child to be the primary caregiver. The doctor probably assumed the child had an anxious-resistant insecure attachment where the child becomes highly distressed because of the departure of the primary caregiver(s). The child acts out in order to maintain the availability of the primary caregiver. It generally results out of some insecurity the child has about the availability of the primary caregiver. You could be studying and not paying attention to the child as much as you could and as a result the child wonders why the primary caregiver is not paying attention to me. The primary caregiver might be busy but the child doesn't understand why it was crying and why the primary caregiver simply wasn't there. As a result the child develops behaviours to illicit a response from the unresponsive primary caregiver.

 

I should also add she is rediculously attached to me, she will thrash and scream if anyone including daddy tries to pick her up or if I simply put her down

 

The child will search for the primary caregiver(s) this is somebody who spent a lot of time with the child in the first few weeks of the child's life. How often would the dad have held the child from when she was born? Did the dad have to go to work or was simply not around?

Edited May 15, 2015 by fiveworlds

[iNow]

fiveworlds - Out of curiosity, are you yourself a parent or an expert in human development, or are you instead just trying to be helpful in general and sharing your own best guess about things you believe ought to be true based on things you've read?

[Lady Lassa]

Thank you for your input fiveworlds, I am guilty of studying her but NOT "not paying attention to her". My drive to meet her needs properly is strong. Daddy has 2 jobs so that is the reason she wouldn't want him, she never saw him in the beginning. I was her constant, her only life source. He quit his 2nd job when we thought that might've been the problem.

 

I have studied Piaget's theory as well as Erickson, Jung, even Freud. She seems to be meeting these stages (developmental stages of each theory) months ahead of time. I want to foster that appropriately. Which is why I'm here too. I read extensively but alas you can't ask questions of a book.

 

She stopped the screaming in pain problem all together (lactose intolerance). I wish my doc would've came up with that idea. Since fixing that she's focused more on play and walking which keeps her from being upset all the time.

 

You know there are tons and tons of variables in my problem it's hard to really pin point what one solution might've worked. There is never really a proven science to raising a child, each one develops differently and at there own pace that's what makes us all such interesting individuals.