Are there any empathics here?

[Bettina]

I haven't been able to find any forums that deal with this without trying to tie it in with reading minds. Let me know please. This is a big problem for me and I need a place to go that have others like me.

 

EDIT...If someone knows of another place, could you please post the link?

 

Thanks

 

Bettina

[Kindria2000]

Yeah I'm an empath, its stressful isnt it...

[Bettina]

Yeah I'm an empath, its stressful isnt it...

 

Would you please explain your feelings when you encounter someone that triggers it. Can you feel them?

I want to know as much as I can from other people like you. For example, do you ever get sick? When are the worst times, etc.

 

Bettina

[Mokele]

Empathy is a normal human experience, an adaptation by a highly-intelligent primate for the social interactions that govern its (our) existence. Everyone has it, though to greater or lesser degrees. Nothing special or supernatural.

 

Mokele

[Martin]

I thought empathy is normal

 

why create a special category of humans called "empathics"

or (as the lady waving the sword says) "empaths"

 

dogs pick up on how you feel

people are always giving out all sorts of signals how they feel or what their inner mental state is (or inner muscular state or chemical state, whatever)

why shouldnt other people pick up on it?

 

the involuntary tendency to pick up, and feel something similiar to, what other people are experiencing (without having it all translated into words)

could easily have conferred a reproductive advantage especially before people had language, and have been bred into us

 

admitted it wouldnt ALWAYS be an advantage, in lots of situations it might be a bummer

 

anyway if there is a need to create a special category of "empaths" and have the rest of us be "non-empaths" please explain, cause i didnt know about it

 

hmmm [EDIT] maybe Bettina you are talking about getting a kind of SUPPORT GROUP for people who have too much empathy or too strong empathy, so what with all the misery and horribleness in the world it becomes onerous to empathize. Support groups can be a help in a lot of cases and maybe this is one of them

[Bettina]

Please no jokes and don't treat this lightly. It is a very deep concern for me and if I have to go elsewhere to find answers, I will.

 

Bettina

[ydoaPs]

Would you please explain your feelings when you encounter someone that triggers it. Can you feel them?

I want to know as much as I can from other people like you. For example' date=' do you ever get sick? When are the worst times, etc.

 

Bettina[/quote']

 

what does getting sick have to do with empathy?

[Martin]

Please no jokes and don't treat this lightly. It is a very deep concern for me and if I have to go elsewhere to find answers' date=' I will.

 

Bettina[/quote']

 

it may sound like i am treating it lightly (because we are probably extremely different in POV) but i am not treating it lightly

 

here's my answer. I stopped watching TV (especially news) 20 years ago

and I wont listen to commercial pop music.

 

commerical pop debases our empathic responses and exploits them to make a buck

 

classic stuff like the soprano arias in the moz cminor do evoke, but they enoble and focus and resolve the feelings

(instead of debasing and dispersing and ultimately deadening, just to make a buck)

 

we live in a commerce driven culture where kids are influenced by whatever sells the most, you have to make allowances and adjust for that

 

you have to be selective about what you expose your empathy to, if you have enough empathy for it to be a problem.

 

WELL that is just my reaction. but your idea of a support group sounds reasonable enough.

 

I wouldnt joint such a group because I have a kind of "church" of my own making that focuses and resolves my feelings. I read poems I love, I sing SATB with other people, I think about cosmology, I understand the value of serenity, I take walks in hilly open spaces. I even watch birds, although I tend to think it is silly and that conventional birdwatchers overdo it.

And I dont watch television. and I try to tune out what America is becoming. So I hardly ever feel sick!

 

So I dont need any kind of support group like that. But I can still tell that it could be a sensible idea.

 

however, why dont you describe, for the rest of us, what extreme problematical empathic experiences are like. Like to people in your class at school trigger them, because they are so miserable?

 

Or does media stuff? like the horrors constantly happening? or what starts it?

[Bettina]

it may sound like i am treating it lightly (because we are probably extremely different in POV) but i am not treating it lightly

 

here's my answer. I stopped watching TV (especially news) 20 years ago

and I wont listen to commercial pop music.

 

commerical pop debases our empathic responses and exploits them to make a buck

 

classic stuff like the soprano arias in the moz cminor do evoke' date=' but they enoble and focus and resolve the feelings

(instead of debasing and dispersing and ultimately deadening, just to make a buck)

 

we live in a commerce driven culture where kids are influenced by whatever sells the most, you have to make allowances and adjust for that

 

you have to be selective about what you expose your empathy to, if you have enough empathy for it to be a problem.

 

WELL that is just my reaction. but your idea of a support group sounds reasonable enough.

 

I wouldnt joint such a group because I have a kind of "church" of my own making that focuses and resolves my feelings. I read poems I love, I sing SATB with other people, I think about cosmology, I understand the value of serenity, I take walks in hilly open spaces. I even watch birds, although I tend to think it is silly and that conventional birdwatchers overdo it.

And I dont watch television. and I try to tune out what America is becoming. So I hardly ever feel sick!

 

So I dont need any kind of support group like that. But I can still tell that it could be a sensible idea.

 

however, why dont you describe, for the rest of us, what extreme problematical empathic experiences are like. Like to people in your class at school trigger them, because they are so miserable?

 

Or does media stuff? like the horrors constantly happening? or what starts it?[/quote']

 

Thank you for understanding, but I don't want to go thru the Jessica thing again. If you read what I wrote about that you will understand.

 

Its not just feeling bad about hearing\seeing what happened to her, Its much worse than that. I can visually feel what she went thru and by sick, I mean having my head over the sink ready to throw up three or four times each night.

 

It happens a lot. Christmas was an "event" that hit hard. When I look at an old person who is sad, If I look into their eyes long enough, I feel the pain they are feeling...big time. I know what there thinking.

 

About 4 years ago I was brought to a Physco. I didn't like him cause all you did was sit and talk, and try more pills. Those made me sleep.

 

I've kept this inside too long and now I want to talk to someone thats maybe like me. Or go to another site that deals with that. I just need someone that an relate to this in an honest way.

 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a depressed person. I'm not like this all the time. My happiest times are at the mall......as long as I'm not in eye contact with the person that somehow sets it off.

 

This is so hard to explain....

[ecoli]

It makes perfect sense. You've taken responsibility for the world. When other people feel pain, you feel it too. This is a dangerous thing, as there is so much pain and suffering in the world.

 

I can't help you, except to tell to try and let go. You are not personally responsible for the worlds problems. You can help people...community service is a great and powerful thing...but you can't help everyone. If you accept this, you'll be better off.

 

Please keep talking to us, we are taking you very seriously.

[Martin]

... I don't want to go thru the Jessica thing again. If you read what I wrote about that you will understand.

 

Its not just feeling bad about hearing\seeing what happened to her' date=' Its much worse than that. I can visually feel what she went thru and by sick, I mean having my head over the sink ready to throw up three or four times each night.

 

It happens a lot. Christmas was an "event" that hit hard. When I look at an old person who is sad, If I look into their eyes long enough, I feel the pain they are feeling...big time. I know what there thinking.

...[/quote']

 

saves trouble to have the links. here I think is the jessica thing, in the thread "types of people"

http://www.scienceforums.net/forums/showthread.php?t=8717&page=1&pp=20

 

I will look for "christmas experience" and get a link. yeah, here it is:

http://www.scienceforums.net/forums/showthread.php?p=120108#post120108

 

I hadnt seen these. I have enough trouble just being happy when the weather is bad, so I just read science threads at SFN and dont ever see these general discussiontype threads.

 

I will put the link for that other one too. these are interesting and troubling threads with interesting and troubling experiences in them. Sounds like a support group for overly empathic people (for whom it is a problem) would be quite a good idea. here is the senior experience link:

http://www.scienceforums.net/forums/showthread.php?p=125862#post125862

 

now i am thinking, what's wrong with being a bit extra empathic and emotional, this girl has an OK life. she has lots of rich experiences. i will not worry. maybe it is people who are not empathic enough that need the support group.

 

I think other people besides me may have more wisdom here, like Kindria or Ecoli, so I am going to bail out.

I think occasionaly crying and having stomachaches in pity of other people is a small price to pay for having enough feeling so that you can sing soprano solos that people enjoy hearing. You just have to learn to live with the extra strain and develop the upsides of it all you can. So I am maybe not the person to be talking here and I am going to bail.

[webmistress]

Bettina,

 

Correct me if I am wrong, but I think they are missing the point. There is a difference between being an empath and having normal empathy. Being an empath means that you feel what another person, usually in close proximity, feels. That means physically and emotionally.

 

I am an empath and it is a pain in the whatsis. It doesn't occur with everyone I see or meet, and it isn't always powerful, but when it is, look out! Is this what you mean?

[Bettina]

It makes perfect sense. You've taken responsibility for the world. When other people feel pain' date=' you feel it too. This is a dangerous thing, as there is so much pain and suffering in the world.

 

I can't help you, except to tell to try and let go. You are not personally responsible for the worlds problems. You can help people...community service is a great and powerful thing...but you can't help everyone. If you accept this, you'll be better off.

 

Please keep talking to us, we are taking you very seriously.[/quote']

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

The but you can't help everyone is not the main problem. Its much much deeper than that and not just people. It happens with my dog and even mice.

 

An example is when my dad and I went and saw the movie "Titanic". When that ship was going down, I felt a wave come over me. Not an emotional wave like what most people get when something bad happens, but deeper than that. I actually felt those people thinking about not seeing there loved ones again.

 

I know what I was seeing was a movie played by actors and special effects, but one of the actresses was so good, that I was put inside her. In that instant, just like a flash, I knew what the real person on that ship was experiencing. I start breathing deeply, and I'm no longer in the movie theatre. I'm with that women on that ship. My eyes well up and tears come down. When the scene changes or switches to another part, I break out of it, but the damage is done. I will vividly replay that for days.

 

My dad, well into his third box of popcorn, never shed a tear. I felt like slapping him.

 

That was a movie. I get the same thing in a room full of people, or a church or the senior home. I can go weeks without one, but at some point, someone sets me off. Its almost like a vibe of some kind that I get. I can't explain the feeling except that it becomes overwhelming, and I know what they are thinking. I know why there looking at me. Like I said in another post, a doctor told my dad that I was an empath of the worst kind. I never paid any attention to what he said, and I stopped taking those pills, but now I want to know what this is.

 

One thing. If I spot something, and look away quick so as not to linger, then I can block it and I don't get the connection. But, I have to concentrate on something else quickly.

 

I really want to hear from others like me, and what they do to block it if they can. This is so hard to explain the feeling I get.

 

Thanks for taking this as a sign for help.

 

Bettina

[ed84c]

Put me down for being an empathic.

 

Who is this jessica person, or shouldnt i ask?

[Bettina]

Bettina' date='

 

Correct me if I am wrong, but I think they are missing the point. There is a difference between being an empath and having normal empathy. Being an empath means that you feel what another person, usually in close proximity, feels. That means physically and emotionally.

 

I am an empath and it is a pain in the whatsis. It doesn't occur with everyone I see or meet, and it isn't always powerful, but when it is, look out! Is this what you mean?[/quote']

 

YES.....Exactly. I can feel what they are feeling as if I'm inside them. I don't feel the physical pain....no, but I do feel what they are feeling emotionally....sometimes to the point that I physically feel bad. Upset stomach, sleepless nights, heart rate up, to name a few. Now I want to know how I can learn to block these vibes that come in.

 

Funny thing is it never happens in school. Thats a happy place for me.

 

Bettina

[Bettina]

Put me down for being an empathic.

 

Who is this jessica person' date=' or shouldnt i ask?[/quote']

 

She was the 9 year old girl that was raped and killed by a monster.

That made me throw up. Its in another post that I'm trying to forget.

 

Bettina

[ecoli]

YES.....Exactly. I can feel what they are feeling as if I'm inside them. I don't feel the physical pain....no' date=' but I do feel what they are feeling emotionally....sometimes to the point that I physically feel bad. Upset stomach, sleepless nights, heart rate up, to name a few. Now I want to know how I can learn to block these vibes that come in.

 

Funny thing is it never happens in school. Thats a happy place for me.

 

Bettina[/quote']

 

I don't know you, but It sounds to me like you are a very special person. I think you would be the person I'd go to if I had a problem. You are person who is perfectly in tune to how people around you are feeling.

 

That being said...You are having physical reactions to an emotional/psychological disorder. Don't be misleaded...the type of empathy you have IS a psychological illness.

 

Now...You have said you have tried going to psychologists. If you not found a good doctor, then keep talking to us. PM me if you want, or I'll give you my email. I'll be your impartial listener if you need me.

 

Perhaps you can fight this disease yourself...it would take large amounts of practice and self discipline, but it could perhaps be done.

 

I think your ULTIMATE goal should be to eliminate the physical reactions, close yourself of to people to some extent, but be able to keep some of those emotional channels open, so you don't loose all your empathy. Empathy could be a good thing in certain doses. As I said before, you'd be a person I'd go to. You want to keep you ability to connect to others. for that is a rare and powerful gift.

 

keep talking!

 

~Ecoli

[Bettina]

I don't know you' date=' but It sounds to me like you are a very special person. I think you would be the person I'd go to if I had a problem. You are person who is perfectly in tune to how people around you are feeling.

 

That being said...You are having physical reactions to an emotional/psychological disorder. Don't be misleaded...the type of empathy you have IS a psychological illness.

 

Now...You have said you have tried going to psychologists. If you not found a good doctor, then keep talking to us. PM me if you want, or I'll give you my email. I'll be your impartial listener if you need me.

 

Perhaps you can fight this disease yourself...it would take large amounts of practice and self discipline, but it could perhaps be done.

 

I think your ULTIMATE goal should be to eliminate the physical reactions, close yourself of to people to some extent, but be able to keep some of those emotional channels open, so you don't loose all your empathy. Empathy could be a good thing in certain doses. As I said before, you'd be a person I'd go to. You want to keep you ability to connect to others. for that is a rare and powerful gift.

 

keep talking!

 

~Ecoli[/quote']

 

If you came to me with your problems, it would end up with me having your problem, and you would be feeling better. Thats the trouble.

 

I would like to find others like me to see what they have done to block the input. Thats what I'm having problems with. This 9 year old for example. I didn't even know her.....but I became her, and felt what she felt.

 

I'm starting to get over it now because I'm blocking it by not listening or reading anymore about it.

 

I'll give this a few days to see if anyone will step up, if not, I'm seriously going to try to find a group someplace. The only people who can really help is people like me. You people are good support though. Just understanding me now is a big blessing.

 

One more thing.....Looking into the eyes of an elderly person is one thing, but if they hold my hand while doing it, that vibe gets really amplified then. I have big eyes and I think they see themselves.

 

Thank you for helping me.

 

Bettina

[ydoaPs]

it sound like you are unwillingly playing the role of atlas.

[Martin]

 

Funny thing is it never happens in school. Thats a happy place for me.

...

 

are you applying to any out-of-state colleges?

how are the finances, for tuition? college is expensive.

how are your scholarship prospects, access to student loans.

[Martin]

sometimes, when one is 17 or 18,

just getting far enough away from home can solve very serious emotional disturbances...

[webmistress]

I never would have thought of being an empath as having a psychological problem, I always thought of it as a type of extra-sensory perception. Something we all have to varying degrees.

 

I agree that you would be wise to seek some type of help if it is causing you to be physically ill.

 

I wonder, since you don't seem to have any episodes when you are at school if it is because you are focused on so many other things. Friends, noises, teachers etc. Perhaps you could immerse yourself in some type of activity that would take your mind off an episode if one occurs that is particularly disturbing. Focus externally instead of internally. Whatever would work, calling a friend, listening to music, reading a book or magazine. Anything that would require your attention somewhere else.

 

I hadn't thought of how I learned to "shut off" when I find myself receiving input I would rather not have. I am still susceptible to being overwhelmed, but the episodes are rare.

 

Hope this helps

[Sorcerer]

Empathy is a normal human experience' date=' an adaptation by a highly-intelligent primate for the social interactions that govern its (our) existence. Everyone has it, though to greater or lesser degrees. Nothing special or supernatural.

 

Mokele[/quote']

 

Alot of psychopaths lack it, or they thrive on knowing that others are feeling negative emotions, whilst its normal, atleast for me, to like to see others feeling positive emotions.

[Sorcerer]

it may sound like i am treating it lightly (because we are probably extremely different in POV) but i am not treating it lightly

 

here's my answer. I stopped watching TV (especially news) 20 years ago

and I wont listen to commercial pop music.

 

commerical pop debases our empathic responses and exploits them to make a buck

 

classic stuff like the soprano arias in the moz cminor do evoke' date=' but they enoble and focus and resolve the feelings

(instead of debasing and dispersing and ultimately deadening, just to make a buck)

 

we live in a commerce driven culture where kids are influenced by whatever sells the most, you have to make allowances and adjust for that

 

you have to be selective about what you expose your empathy to, if you have enough empathy for it to be a problem.

 

WELL that is just my reaction. but your idea of a support group sounds reasonable enough.[/quote']

 

Sorry martin, but I disagree, you have your personal taste in music, you can rationalise being a fogey,(err I mean liking classical music), all you want, but you cannot blame modern entertainment culture for the problems of society.

[Sorcerer]

It makes perfect sense. You've taken responsibility for the world. When other people feel pain' date=' you feel it too. This is a dangerous thing, as there is so much pain and suffering in the world.

 

I can't help you, except to tell to try and let go. You are not personally responsible for the worlds problems. You can help people...community service is a great and powerful thing...but you can't help everyone. If you accept this, you'll be better off.

 

Please keep talking to us, we are taking you very seriously.[/quote']

 

I agree, I think what keeps me sane is that I have learnt to dissociate my empathy from those not in my close social circle, I have desenstised myself if you like. Now alot of people say desenstisation is a bad thing, but it is just a normal response to a larger society than what Humans have evolved in, in order to stay sane you need to learn to ignore alot of people.