absent minded professor syndrome?

[RyGuyFly]

I think I tend to fit the absent minded professor stereotype. Its weird because honestly I feel i fit the stereotypes altho not the professor part. Lol. I spend a lot of my time engrossed in thought and yet I am clumbsy, fair poorly socially, bad with spelling, disorganized, have trouble with details that don't seem important to me but do to others etc

 

Is this a "thing"? Anyone else feel like this too? In what way? How do you deal? Typically I've felt bad about myself for being this way and I try to fight it.

 

More recently I've started to try and embrace who I am and just roll with it! I feel like embracing my intelligence and my clumsiness and disorganized self is in a weird way doing me good

 

 

Thoughts?

Edited September 2, 2015 by Ryan1234

[Phi for All]

Embracing who you are is great, but assuming you're always going to be disorganized is like assuming you'll never learn a foreign language. It's definitely something you can fix if you so desire, especially if it's causing problems.

 

I think being organized will help you catalog the intelligence you have, and allow you to focus more. Sometimes it's the disorganization that sets up conditions where you appear clumsy, or can't find the right thing to say in a social context. Bad spelling is like 98% disorganization, since you could easily start spellchecking regularly, and become used to doing it.

 

Being organized will also help you see the importance of the details, rather than perceiving them as clutter. If the details don't come at you in an orderly manner, and you're not trained to mentally organize them, it's easy to see them as unimportant and unconnected. As humans, we're pattern-recognition oriented, so if you can't make sense of something fairly quickly, your brain will either force you to devote more attention to the problem, or dismiss it as trivial.

 

Being intelligent, you really need a well-organized and rational process to overcome some of the problems you've listed. Let's face it, the absent-minded professor without the professor part is probably not who you want to be.

[RyGuyFly]

Lol very funny and true. there is actually a lot more to my story but I figured I'd keep it short.

 

Part of that embracing who am bit wasn't meant to say giving up. Part of this relatively recent change in perspective includes me returning to and finishing school and perusing various things that interest me as hobbies as opposed to trying supress/deny my interests as has been in courage by those around me. It includes reaching out to others who share my interests. My intent is to become a licensed psychologist its something that I have a passion for. Getting my act together and getting back to school as been tough but I'm feeling extremely good about it. Like i said there is a lot of back story i cant discuss it all here. Perhaps embracing my propensity to be disorganized was the wrong way to express it. Rather realizing who/how I am but not letting it impede me. Does that make more sense?

 

Oh, and ironically I've already learnt to speak a foreign language fluently. And now I'm working on my 3rd and 4th!! Haha It appears I have some weird ability when it comes to foreign languages. Go figure >.<

Edited September 2, 2015 by RyGuyFly

[Phi for All]

Part of this relatively recent change in perspective includes me returning to and finishing school and perusing various things that interest me as hobbies as opposed to trying supress/deny my interests as has been in courage by those around me. It includes reaching out to others who share my interests.

This sounds great. You never know what you can do until you try.

 

My intent is to become a licensed psychologist its something that I have a passion for. Getting my act together and getting back to school as been tough but I'm feeling extremely good about it. Like i said there is a lot of back story i cant discuss it all here. Perhaps embracing my propensity to be disorganized was the wrong way to express it. Rather realizing who/how am I am but not letting it impede me. Does that make more sense?

As long as you aren't saying, "I'm a disorganized mess, but I accept that." That's like saying, "Sure, the table wobbles because the legs are uneven, but I accept that, and try not to move my elbows too much." I think trying to work from a chaotic process is MUCH more difficult, and frankly cuts down on one's engrossed-in-thought time.

 

If you're saying, "I need to compensate for my normal, unorganized approach by being more methodical, so it doesn't impede me", then I think you're helping solve many of the detriments you listed.

 

And ironically I've already learnt to speak a foreign language fluently. And now I'm working on my 3rd and 4th!! Haha It appears I have some weird ability when it comes to foreign languages. Go figure >.<

Sweet! And tragic that you aren't comfortable socially, because speaking someone's native language when it isn't your own is a great social ice-breaker.

 

You have to have more organizational skills than you're letting on if you can learn languages so readily. And it's not weird, it's wonderful.

[RyGuyFly]

your pretty funny phi lol I love it.

 

Are these things you've learned through personal experience?

 

For me i feel it's finding a delicate balance between compensating for what I lack and learning that certain things just are not that important. I feel sometimes my tendency is not to ignore the wobbly table but rather obsess over getting it perfectly level and then get stressed out/fed up because I can't get it perfectly level. Sometimes a little wobble could be a big deal but other times it's not. For me it can be a challenge getting that right. You know what I mean? Like having a your house look like a disaster is going to take way from your life but spending time obsessing over having a clean house takes away from energies I could spend doing other things as well. Its just finding that balance between keeping clean/organized and but not driving yourself crazy over it. i think my tendency is to get frustrated and then do nothing and that's not helpful. Idk I'm still figuring it all out.

 

Honestly as far as the foreign language goes I feel that it helped me open up a bit. Latino culture tends to be way more social and gregarious than my anglo culture background lol. Shaking hands and hugging is still pretty awful to me tho lol. And Social stuff is still a struggle over all. I'm trying to converse and reach out to people online a bit like this forum you know? I'm hoping returning to school will give me an oportunity to exercise some of the social skills I've learned.

[iNow]

I find that I am far more organized when I'm doing things that I find interesting or am passionate about. It comes more naturally in those instances. Likewise with social interactions. If I'm around a group with whom I share meaningful interests and/or aspirations or experiences, or when we're discussing a topic I understand really well then I feel far more comfortable and in my "zone." I hit a stride and can be more on cruise control.

 

It's really all context dependent and less about me, AFAIK. Some people make me feel at ease. Some tasks make me feel like a gladiator. Still some other people make me feel awkward and out of place and some other tasks make me feel like a bumbling incompetent chaotic fool.

 

Life's funny that way, I guess.

[RyGuyFly]

Good point inow. I guess I'm probably that way too. Its just I'm often not around people i feel comfortable with or whom share my interests. I feel its hard to find people who share my interests. Maybe because my interests are like specialized interests?? Idk I'm not into the generic small talk stuff I find most people are into. To me it's like social fluff. Empty calories.

 

But on that rare occasion I get to have an in depth conversation about something it really gets me energized lol

 

isnt it nice when you get that gladiator feeling? hahaha. Supa'man!

[Acme]

I think I tend to fit the absent minded professor stereotype. Its weird because honestly I feel i fit the stereotypes altho not the professor part. Lol. I spend a lot of my time engrossed in thought and yet I am clumbsy, fair poorly socially, bad with spelling, disorganized, have trouble with details that don't seem important to me but do to others etc

 

Is this a "thing"? Anyone else feel like this too? In what way? How do you deal? Typically I've felt bad about myself for being this way and I try to fight it.

 

More recently I've started to try and embrace who I am and just roll with it! I feel like embracing my intelligence and my clumsiness and disorganized self is in a weird way doing me good

 

Thoughts?

I think it sounds very similar to Aspergers syndrome. The blued text is a link if that's not obvious and the link is to an article at Wikipedia.

[RyGuyFly]

Yea I'm aware of the aspergers description. As a child I was not doing well in school so i was tested and diagnosed with add, dyslexia, and a high iq. As an adult, after talking about how I was able to start speaking spanish in like 3 months it was pointed out that maybe I am really high functioning aspergers. But I was not able to get tested specifically for aspergers as insurance doesn't cover it. Later, by someone else, I was told that I am just intelligent and that i do not have have aspergers, ADD, or dyslexia. All of this was feed back from professionals... so who knows. It all seems kinda subjective.

[Phi for All]

For me i feel it's finding a delicate balance between compensating for what I lack and learning that certain things just are not that important.

This is a bit dangerous, imo, because it's extremely difficult to know what's not important. Experience shows you the differences between more nuanced situations.

 

For instance, we get a LOT of people who decided in high school that math was unimportant for them because they never wanted to be mathematicians. Then they find a latent interest in physics or chemistry or finance, and suddenly they don't speak the language, but they still try to make sense of it without math, and their lives are made so much more difficult because of that decision to treat math as "just not that important".

 

I feel sometimes my tendency is not to ignore the wobbly table but rather obsess over getting it perfectly level and then get stressed out/fed up because I can't get it perfectly level. Sometimes a little wobble could be a big deal but other times it's not. For me it can be a challenge getting that right. You know what I mean? Like having a your house look like a disaster is going to take way from your life but spending time obsessing over having a clean house takes away from energies I could spend doing other things as well. Its just finding that balance between keeping clean/organized and but not driving yourself crazy over it. i think my tendency is to get frustrated and then do nothing and that's not helpful. Idk I'm still figuring it all out.

Not everything in life needs to be balanced, but I think it's generally better to reach a happy medium, especially about things like housecleaning. You're right, not doing it at all and obsessing about doing it perfectly are the extreme ends and you need to find our where in the middle you're most comfortable.

 

But if you get frustrated and then do nothing, if that's a pattern you repeat in situations other than housecleaning, then you're missing out on the most basic organizational skill of all, goal setting. When the extremes are not a good choice, you should set a goal for a compromise you can live with (which should always be greater than zero). The goal is to get the house really clean once (stop short of using a magnifying glass and a toothbrush where the baseboards meet), then set a daily goal of doing a quick 10 minute wipe-down/tidy of major areas to maintain the clean. This is just an example, the idea is to fix whatever goal in your mind so it's easily attainable, not so nebulous and dreadful that you let it degrade to "disaster" status.

 

One thing I've noticed about people who have a hard time with social settings (and this is purely anecdotal, I have no studies to cite supporting this), they tend to think everyone is looking at them critically, judging them and their behavior, and it makes them self-conscious and hesitant to risk censure. And in general, that's not true. As long as you've conformed to an acceptable sensory pattern people can feel comfortable with (you're wearing decent clothes, you aren't scowling, you don't smell horrible, you seem approachable), people pretty much want you to succeed at being the normal human you are.

 

A theater coach once told me something to counter stagefright. Performers get nervous about how people will react to their acting, they imagine everyone as a critic who will write a scathing review when it's all over. But it's not true. In general, audiences are looking to be entertained, they aren't looking for bad actors, they really want you to succeed. Don't you feel that way when you see a play? It's the same in social settings, most folks are just looking to share some stories and a few laughs, they aren't going to be overly critical of anyone unless they're given a reason.

 

Soooo, actually, being paranoid that people are judging you might cause them to judge you. In this instance you can cause the outcome you most fear, but blame others for being judgmental, and thus miss any chance to solve the problem. Does that make sense?

[Acme]

Yea [Acme] I'm aware of the aspergers description. As a child I was not doing well in school so i was tested and diagnosed with add, dyslexia, and a high iq. As an adult, after talking about how I was able to start speaking spanish in like 3 months it was pointed out that maybe I am really high functioning aspergers. But I was not able to get tested specifically for aspergers as insurance doesn't cover it. Later, by someone else, I was told that I am just intelligent and that i do not have have aspergers, ADD, or dyslexia. All of this was feed back from professionals... so who knows. It all seems kinda subjective.

Yes, it is rather subjective. I responded as I did because you used the term 'syndrome', described some symptoms, and asked for thoughts. A thing by any other name would be a thing. I think your ideas of recognizing your limitations and living with them is practical and that thinking any and all limitations can be overcome is impractical. I don't think you are going to get better answers for your enquiry as to 'what the thing is' on a forum than from the professionals, but if talking about the 'thing' helps then the anonymity of a forum may be more comfortable than conventional group therapy where you have to be face-to-face with people. Trying to live up to the standards of others is a recipe for discontent.

[MonDie]

You can never go wrong with exercise!

It helps people with AD H D.

anxiety too

[RyGuyFly]

Thanks for your responses everyone. Honestly what happened was I typed up my original post and then I accidently lost it all. (So frustrating) so I posted a different shorter version as I got fed up with typing on my tiny phone. Looking back I feel like the version I posted does not at all convey the ideas I had originally intended.

 

My basic intent was to reach out and connect with others who are similar to myself. Basically people who are intelligent but come from a dysfunctional background. People who seek to better themselves. My intent was not to look for a dx. Historically I have spent a lot of time educating and examining myself and things I've been through and currently I feel like I have a pretty good idea of who I am, my strengths, weakness, things I need to work on etc.

 

A lot of my struggles stem from my growing up in a chaotic alcohlic home and being in a damaging religous group (see my other thread in religion). If your not from a dysfunctional family it can be difficult to understand it all. It may seem arrogant but I feel being intelligent posed some unique sets of challenges in all this.

 

Idk what i was thinking in the original post lol. I guess I was trying to keep things simple with out rambling about my history but I ended up with a messy post using unclear 'syndrome' stuff and got totally off track from the original intent of the thread.

 

Anyways have a great day everyone