The Official JOKES SECTION :)

[Suraj Sivaraja]

What formula does a scientist use to get food?

E=mc²!!!!!

For people who don't understand....

E stands for energy

[Itoero]

[Moontanman]

The bravest daredevil on the planet Earth! 

 

 

[Strange]

Q. How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. An obscure number. You’ve probably never heard of it. 

[Itoero]

 

[Itoero]

You probably all know Banana Ray Comfort. It's hilarious.

 

[Strange]

Unintended humour (I hope):

• Yesterday, Secretary of State Tillerson blamed Russia for the attempted murder of an ex-spy in Britain with nerve agent.
• Today, Trump fired him and said the reason is "chemistry".

[dimreepr]

9 minutes ago, Strange said:

Unintended humour (I hope):

• Yesterday, Secretary of State Tillerson blamed Russia for the attempted murder of an ex-spy in Britain with nerve agent.
• Today, Trump fired him and said the reason is "chemistry".

The chemistry of being called a fucking moron perhaps.... wait for laughtiming (oh shit).

[Itoero]

^{The Kola hole is 12262 m deep.}

^{A Koala hole is only 6 cm deep.}

[koti]

1 hour ago, Itoero said:

^{The Kola hole is 12262 m deep.}

^{A Koala hole is only 6 cm deep.}

This is everything but funny.

Edited March 17, 2018 by koti

[Itoero]

2 minutes ago, koti said:

This is everything but funny.

Seriously? This joke comes from a very popular Belgian comedy/quiz show.

[koti]

1 minute ago, Itoero said:

Seriously? This joke comes from a very popular Belgian comedy/quiz show.

Humor is highly subjective so no point in debating  

[John Cuthber]

13 hours ago, Itoero said:

Seriously? This joke comes from a very popular Belgian comedy/quiz show.

http://hitchhikers.wikia.com/wiki/Belgium

[Strange]

14 hours ago, Itoero said:

Seriously? This joke comes from a very popular Belgian comedy/quiz show.

Sounds like your TV might be about as good as Italian.

[koti]

15 Ridiculous Paintings That Sold For Millions of Dollars:

https://www.sadanduseless.com/2018/03/overpriced-art/

This is funny:
 

 

Edited March 18, 2018 by koti

[Itoero]

8 hours ago, Strange said:

Sounds like your TV might be about as good as Italian.

This show is popular in The Netherlands as well...Humor in The Netherlands is often 'worse'.

another one: -I consider myself a bit of a Christian...because I walk around with a gigantic cross.

[Strange]

5 minutes ago, Itoero said:

another one: -I consider myself a bit of a Christian...because I walk around with a gigantic cross.

I think that one lost something in translation.

[Itoero]

2 minutes ago, Strange said:

I think that one lost something in translation.

A cross = what man have between their legs.

[Strange]

3 minutes ago, Itoero said:

A cross = what man have between their legs.

Not in English. If you want jokes that don't work when translated...

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw there was only Coke in the fridge?

A: "Elephants?"

--

"These two forks are fish"

"Why?"

"They are identical !"

Edited March 18, 2018 by Strange

[koti]

„Boys on wheels” are funnier that both of you...by a factor of at least 10^-20  

[John Cuthber]

1 hour ago, Strange said:

Not in English. If you want jokes that don't work when translated...

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw there was only Coke in the fridge?

A: "Elephants?"

--

"These two forks are fish"

"Why?"

"They are identical !"

OK, I will bite.
In what language(s) are they funny?

 

Bother!

 I just realised- this is the jokes thread, I'd better add a joke

OK

Q. When is a door not a  door?

A. When it's ajar. 

 

Edited March 18, 2018 by John Cuthber

[Strange]

31 minutes ago, John Cuthber said:

OK, I will bite.
In what language(s) are they funny?

Italian.

In the first one (not very good in any language):

A: "E le fante?" (Sounds like "elephants" but means "and the Fantas?")

In the second one:

"Sono identici!" ("They are identical" sounds like "Sono i dentici" = "they are snappers")

Obligatory joke, from Bob Monkhouse:

"They laughed when I said I wanted to be comedian. Well ... they're not laughing now."

[John Cuthber]

There's a flip side to that; jokes that only make sense in a language other than that in which they are written.

Un petit d'un petit

S'étonne aux Halles

Un petit d'un petit

Ah! degrés te fallent

Indolent qui ne sort cesse

Indolent qui ne se mène

Qu'importe un petit

Tout gai de Reguennes.

Which looks like (fairly bad) French poetry meaning something like 

 

A child of a child

Is surprised at the Market

A child of a child

Oh, degrees you needed!

Lazy is he who never goes out

Lazy is he who is not led

Who cares about a little one

All happy with Reguennes

 but which is remarkably funny when a natural speaker of French reads it to an English audience who instantly recognise it as this nursery rhyme
 

Humpty Dumpty

Sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty

Had a great fall.

All the king's horses

And all the king's men

Couldn't put Humpty

Together again.

 

(I have pinched most of that from the wiki page)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mots_d'Heures

 

 

[Itoero]

On ‎18‎-‎3‎-‎2018 at 8:25 PM, Strange said:

Not in English. If you want jokes that don't work when translated...

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw there was only Coke in the fridge?

A: "Elephants?"

--

"These two forks are fish"

"Why?"

"They are identical !"

I think it's called 'cross' because of the cross stitchings make at that part of the pants. It seems odd that it's not called a cross, in English.

*How do you call an adoption child in/from China? -A take away Chinese.

[koti]

15 minutes ago, Itoero said:

*How do you call an adoption child in/from China? -A take away Chinese.

Oh thats just hilarious isn’t it. Complete lack of any empathy towards a living person by putting an equall sign between a child and take away food - as a punchline in a joke. Its almost as funny as skinning a cat for fun.

We could come up with a bunch of these hilarious jokes... consisting of say; Belgian chips with mayonese and paedophilia, or Belgian choccolate and rape. Wouldn’t that be fun. 

Edited March 20, 2018 by koti