The Official JOKES SECTION :)

[beecee]

 A bloke escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money, beer and guns and finds a young Australian couple in bed. He orders the bloke out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then goes into the bathroom.
While the man is in the bathroom, the husband tells the wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped inmate, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years... I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you too!!"

[iNow]

Serve alcohol at a party and nobody bats an eye. 

Serve laxatives at a party and everybody loses their shit!

[koti]

„The definition of beauty has changed drastically over the time. In 19th century Persia, the Western beauty standards were not dominant. So of course, they had beauty standards of their own. The more masculine a woman was, the more beautiful she was considered. The opposite was also true for men.

Now, feast your eyes on princess Zahra Khanom Tadj es-Saltaneh (1883 – 1936) who was considered the ultimate symbol of beauty in Persia during the early 1900s. So much in fact, a total of 13 young men killed themselves because she rejected their love”

https://www.sadanduseless.com/beauty-standards/

[zapatos]

36 minutes ago, koti said:

„The definition of beauty has changed drastically over the time. In 19th century Persia, the Western beauty standards were not dominant. So of course, they had beauty standards of their own. The more masculine a woman was, the more beautiful she was considered. The opposite was also true for men.

Now, feast your eyes on princess Zahra Khanom Tadj es-Saltaneh (1883 – 1936) who was considered the ultimate symbol of beauty in Persia during the early 1900s. So much in fact, a total of 13 young men killed themselves because she rejected their love”

https://www.sadanduseless.com/beauty-standards/

Whoa

I guess if her father was my king, I'd say whatever he wanted to hear about his daughter. But damn...

[Phi for All]

 

Quote

https://www.sadanduseless.com/beauty-standards/

 

Betty Davis eyes,  Frieda Kahlo eyebrows, Ann Francis beauty mark, and Freddy Mercury beginner moustache. The next Disney princess!

[StringJunky]

2 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

 

 

Betty Davis eyes,  Frieda Kahlo eyebrows, Ann Francis beauty mark, and Freddy Mercury beginner moustache. The next Disney princess!

Frida Kahlo came to my mind. Gotta say, after that, Freddy was gorgeous. I'm speechless otherwise.

[koti]

I hope history doesn’t repeat itself as far as beauty standards go. Freddy Mercury was georgeus compared no doubt. 

[StringJunky]

40 minutes ago, koti said:

I hope history doesn’t repeat itself as far as beauty standards go. Freddy Mercury was georgeus compared no doubt. 

Shame on you, there are some things you should never share. How does one unthink what one has seen?

[koti]

28 minutes ago, StringJunky said:

Shame on you, there are some things you should never share. How does one unthink what one has seen?

I presume you could think of her inside beauty, I’m sure she was a gentle and fragile creature with an angel’s heart.

[StringJunky]

6 minutes ago, koti said:

I presume you could think of her inside beauty, I’m sure she was a gentle and fragile creature with an angel’s heart.

That reminds me of Lister in ''Red Dwarf" snogging a slimey alien when he thinks he's with some fantasy woman.

Having said that, it just goes to show that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and a good job too, or else their would be more spinsters and bachelors than there is just because they don't conform to some fixed standard.

Edited September 4, 2018 by StringJunky

[koti]

7 minutes ago, StringJunky said:

That reminds me of Lister in ''Red Dwarf" snogging a slimey alien when he thinks he's with some fantasy woman.

I saw that episode. Forgot all about that show, god that was probably a quarter century ago. Pinpoint analogy. 

[Itoero]

 

[koti]

Jordan Peterson vs Sam Harris in a fake debate:
 

 

[Strange]

Has the Large Hadron Collider destroyed the world yet? http://www.hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com

[koti]

I was offered sex today, with a 21 year old girl, in exchange I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner, now available scented lemon or vanilla.

[Itoero]

 

[Itoero]

 

[Moontanman]

https://pin.it/23lfd3pmtzhlxd

[Itoero]

[Itoero]

 

[iNow]

I really want people of the world to start pronouncing the word “pizzazz” as Pizza-Zs

[Silvestru]

I read a tasteless joke today

Quote

'He'll be re-elected': Trump and allies tout the sweet smell of 2020 success

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/oct/12/donald-trump-2020-re-election-economy-courts-trade

 

[mistermack]

Two skunks living down a hole. One called  In, the other called Out.

How did Out know if In was In or Out ? 

(it's not difficult, answer tomorrow if nobody gets it)

[iNow]

What idiot called it a “randomized clinical trial controlled with placebo” and not “trick or treatment”

[DrP]

This true story came to mind earlier for some reason - thought I'd share it as it still makes me chuckle:

Nearly 30 years ago I did work experience in an Analytical lab for quite a big firm that had a research lab, QC lab, Analytical lab and many other facilities. The rather old guy I worked for there was head of the Analytical department and was called Richard Peerless. He was a great old guy and I really respected him, so did everyone else. He was very encouraging to me and to all who worked for him. At the time the Human resource dept were making people were ID badges...   I think they must have been toying with him a little when they put a little too many abbreviations on his badge - he wasn't impressed that it simply said on it:  "Dick P - Anal Chemist".  

This still tickles me now.