The Official JOKES SECTION :)

[Anchovyforestbane]

On 10/25/2020 at 6:39 AM, Moontanman said:

Biggest Joke I know of: The Donald...

He is, indeed, the most meme-able man in U.S. history.

 

On another note:

Not sure if this should be here or in the chemistry forums, but I'll assume that it'd be more appreciated here. 

Edited November 23, 2020 by Anchovyforestbane

[koti]

1: How did you sleep last night?
2: Like God during the Holokaust. 
1: What
2: What

Edited December 8, 2020 by koti

[Salik Imran]

[Salik Imran]

Here is another one...

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

I will try to post a joke every week.

 

Edited December 15, 2020 by Salik Imran

[zapatos]

[ahmet]

presumably I can create a very well designed nervous cancer    

[Curious layman]

I can't unsee it. 

5 minutes ago, ahmet said:

presumably I can create a very well designed nervous cancer    

Eh?

Edited December 17, 2020 by Curious layman

[ahmet]

6 minutes ago, Curious layman said:

Eh?

 simply,I gave a name to it "nervous cancer" , not categorized in psychiatry yet   

 

[iNow]

[iNow]

[joigus]

“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old man. “You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out.”

“Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you don’t have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing’ comes out!”

“Actually,” said the 80-year -old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”

“Do you have trouble peeing, too?” asked the 60-year old.

“No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.”

“So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?”

“No, I have one every morning at 6:30.”

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, “You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what’s so bad about being 80?”

“I don’t wake up until 7:00.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,… Where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch… You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor,.. But you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband… On the first floor the sign on the door reads: 

Floor 1 – These men all have jobs, and will love their wife. 

She then goes to the second floor,… The second floor sign reads: 

Floor 2 – These men all have jobs, will love their wife, and love kids. 

She thinks for a while, and then goes to the third floor,… The third floor sign reads: 

Floor 3 – These men all have jobs, will love their wife, love kids, and are extremely good looking. 

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: 

Floor 4 – These men all have jobs, will love their wife, love kids, are drop-dead good-looking and help with the housework. 

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: 

Floor 5 – These men all have jobs, will love their wife, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and are excellent in bed. 

She is so tempted to stay,… But she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor no. 43,630,912 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day! 
 

[Salik Imran]

Oops! I forgot to tell you that Potassium and Oxygen had a date today; it went OK!😁😆

[joigus]

[Moontanman]

 

[MonDie]

10 hours ago, Moontanman said:

 

I'm part of a Bantu sect that requires ritual consumption of the brains of dead relatives.  The good old days.

COVID-19 got nothing on Mad cow disease.

[beecee]

[John Cuthber]

I see Trump has  decided to pardon the swamp, rather than draining it.

[MonDie]

41 minutes ago, John Cuthber said:

I see Trump has  decided to pardon the swamp, rather than draining it.

And "Starlight" is playing as he signs the orders.

[John Cuthber]

2 hours ago, MonDie said:

And "Starlight" is playing as he signs the orders.

Soon to be followed by "I fought the law".

 

[iNow]

[joigus]

[joigus]

https://www.facebook.com/lynnmiclea.author

https://www.facebook.com/lynnmiclea.author

[iNow]

[joigus]

6 hours ago, iNow said:

50 years studying viruses and he's come clean. Quite a feat!

[joigus]