The Official JOKES SECTION :)

[Imagine Everything]

Gary Delaney joke

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Grandad

Quick stop the funeral!!

 

 

Jimmy jones joke but I'll keep it nice as I can.

 

A family of four is walking through the forest to a picnic area to have a picnic.

All of a sudden a bee jumps flies in front of the daughter.

The daughter swats the bee and kills it.

The dad ask her "why did you do that?"

The daughter says " I don't like bumble bees"

The dad say " Right for that, you shall have no honey on your bread for a week"

She says "Suit yourself I don't care"

So they all carry on walking and a butterfly flies in front of the son.

The boy swats it and kills the butterfly.

The days says "Why did you do that?"

The boy says "I don't like butterflys"

The dad says "Right, you shall not have butter on your bread for a week"

The son says "Suit yourself don't care"

So they carry on and get to the clearing and set up a picnic.

All of a sudden, a cockroach crawls across the picnic cloth.

The mum stamps on the cockroach.

The dad looks at his children, the children look back and the son says to his dad " Are you going to tell her or shall I?"

Edited November 15 by Imagine Everything

[iNow]

[Imagine Everything]

Another Jimmy Jones joke, I'll try and keep it clean as always (there is a lot more swearing in the original) 

 

 

A ship is sailing along happily when it suddenly encounters really really thick fog.

The captain goes up to the crows nest to see if he can get a better sense of direction from the stars, when he notices a light in the distance.

Realising his ship was heading towards it, he grabbed his megaphone and shouted....

"Ahoy there, ahoy there, I am the captain of this here ship, change your direction or we are going to ram you"

There's no answer and his ship is getting closer so again the captain shouts....

"I am the captain of this here ship, change your direction or we'll ram you!!"

Still no reply comes and this is really stressing the captain out. The ship is now quite close to this light& the fog is even thicker.

Worriedly the captain shouts out again as loud as he can with his megaphone...

"I AM THE CAPTAIN OF THIS HERE SHIP, CHANGE YOUR DIRECTION OR WE ARE GOING TO RAM YOU!!!!"

This time he hears a reply....

"I am the keeper of this here lighthouse and you can please your f...ing  self."

[TheVat]

Ever wonder what our lives would be like if we’d never abducted earthlings?”

[TheVat]

---

Apparently PT Barnum was gifted with monumental powers of understatement.

https://apnews.com/article/hong-kong-banana-art-justin-sun-eat-cryptocurrency-ea246755028e74b87a2ecd8a27af16bf

 

[Imagine Everything]

On 11/29/2024 at 10:30 PM, TheVat said:

---

Apparently PT Barnum was gifted with monumental powers of understatement.

https://apnews.com/article/hong-kong-banana-art-justin-sun-eat-cryptocurrency-ea246755028e74b87a2ecd8a27af16bf

 

mmm That is just....what on earth goes through some peoples heads....how many people could he have fed with that money...and all he got was a banana.

Emperors new clothes springs to mind...

 

 

 

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said. "I never knew my real ladder.”

Edited Wednesday at 08:06 PM by Imagine Everything

[TheVat]

6 hours ago, Imagine Everything said:

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said. "I never knew my real ladder.”

Groan!  

[Imagine Everything]

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

[Moontanman]

[TheVat]

😂

Voting so far for the toy horses joke:

2 - aye

0 - neigh