CaptainPanic Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 A classic: [...] let me know about the electrons protons and neutronsI've found them to be untrustworthy, mostly because they make up everything. (any rep should go to the original authors)
peterpacz1 Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I do have a very nice "Yo mama" joke: Yo mama so fat, her atoms fuse! Of course, her atoms fuse because her mass is so big, nuclear fusion happens, just like in the sun. Apparently because I am in middle school, non of my friends get this sadly, and I would have to explain to them.
menageriemanor Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 (edited) SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour.COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk.FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk.NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you.BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...TRADITIONAL CAPITALISMYou have two cows.You sell one and buy a bullYour herd multiplies, and the economy grows.You sell them and retire on the income.AN AMERICAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISMYou have two cows.You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listedcompany.The annual report says the company owns eight cows,with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.A FRENCH CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.A JAPANESE CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.A GERMAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.AN ITALIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows, but you don't know where they are.You decide to have lunch.A RUSSIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You count them and learn you have five cows.You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.A SWISS CORPORATIONYou have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.You charge the owners for storing them.A CHINESE CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You have 300 people milking them.You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.AN INDIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You worship them.A BRITISH CORPORATIONYou have two cows.Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATIONEveryone thinks you have lots of cows.You tell them that you have none.No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country.You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy... AN AUSTRALIAN COMPANY You have 2 cows It's a nice day, you go to the pub. A NEW ZEALAND COMPANY You have 2 cows One has the same beautiful eyes as your favorite ewe SURREALISMYou have two giraffes.The government requires you to take harmonica lessons NB Not my work, no idea whose, been around for a decade, I think. Edited March 10, 2013 by menageriemanor
Moontanman Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 (edited) Sooner or later it had to happen... No! No! No! Wait for it... The Big Bang... Edited May 6, 2013 by Moontanman
Moontanman Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Tips for those of you planning to attend the big parade...
TransformerRobot Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Mars, Venus, and Australia. Envelope: Name 3 unforgiving wastelands.
michel123456 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Can you mix God with technology? The answer is Yes:
imatfaal Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 (edited) Can you mix God with technology? The answer is Yes: ScreenShot088.jpg Bearing in the trouble the RC Church has had with the sexual predilections of many of its priests - I am not sure about the placement of that switch Edited April 12, 2013 by imatfaal trying to spell 1
Amaton Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I am not sure about the placement of that switch Seriously. The switch 'goes up' when you 'turn on' the light, and there are children around. Whoever made this was either doing it for humor or had a bit too much wine at mass.
imatfaal Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Mrs Moontanman is obviously a talented photographer - and congrats on your title :-D 2
krash661 Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 in a sense this is probably irrelevant to this topic. this is always funny, well, for me anyways. 1
Royston Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 What does Benoit B. Mandelbrot's middle initial stand for ? Benoit B. Mandelbrot 3
MonDie Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 "I'm sorry I punched you in the face, but the law of conservation of happiness states that your pain equals my pleasure." 1
Moontanman Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Mrs Moontanman is obviously a talented photographer - and congrats on your title :-DMrs Moontanman liked that one...
TransformerRobot Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 http://fwallpapers.com/files/images/funny-science.jpg We never know. XD
MonDie Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 (edited) Darn it! http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Law%20of%20Conservation%20of%20Happiness Edited May 7, 2013 by Mondays Assignment: Die
TransformerRobot Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 So my happiness is what makes Simon Cowell so miserable? =P
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