michel123456 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 (edited) A young and an old pirate discuss at the bar. The young says: _"I'd like to hear from your experience, how did you lose your leg", showing the wooden leg of the old pirate. _It was on a day after a terrible fight with a Spanish battleship. Our vessel took fire, I jumped in the sea and a shark ate my leg. _"and what about your hand?" showing the silver hook at the place of the old pirate's hand _It happened on a day during a battle against 3 French battleships. A cannonball cut off my right hand. _"and what about your eye?" showing the black eye patch of the old pirate. -It was on this day when I looked above at our flag and a seagull dropped his thing into my eye. _But that is not enough to make you lose your eye! _well it was the first day after the doctor put the hook.on my arm. Edited January 12, 2014 by michel123456 1
Moontanman Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 (edited) Edited January 18, 2014 by Moontanman
Alan McDougall Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT http://cognitive-edge.com/blog/entry/3655/hell-explained-by-a-chemistry-student/ The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well: Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.One student, however, wrote the following:First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure inHell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, and then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until 'all Hell breaks loose'.2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until 'Hell freezes over'.So which is it?If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."This student received the only "A".
Bignose Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 some history on this humor: http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp 1
kristalris Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=pQHX-SjgQvQ The medieval help desk https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=601817826572591&set=a.157796790974699.40772.157750900979288&type=1&relevant_count=1 When you use it on your feet you'll certainly also believe that you are able to walk on water.
Moontanman Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room.The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!""Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom." 3
michel123456 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) Books may disappear but paper will survive. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIeZg0-Tc9M ------------------------------------ Of course nothing replaces an Ipad http://www.snotr.com/video/8965/ Edited January 21, 2014 by michel123456
BusaDave9 Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 A farmer named Malcom had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Malcom."Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?" asked the lawyer.Malcom responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie...""I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"Malcom said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....."The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Malcom's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".Malcom thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, "How are you feeling?""Now what would you say?" 5
petrushka.googol Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 An aphorism to illustrate subtle humor... A wise man said "To sum it all up...I am the difference".
BusaDave9 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 A cop with a drug sniffing dog said to me "This dog tells me you're on drugs." I said "I'm on drugs? Your the one talking to dogs." The rest of the day didn't go very well. 2
John Cuthber Posted February 18, 2014 Posted February 18, 2014 Possibly less dumb than whoever is taking the picture. There's no fence between the photographer and those teeth. However, I suspect photoshop.
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