The Official JOKES SECTION :)

[Sensei]

Gibraltar vs Ireland match:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3i8h9N8Gr8

 

(I hope so YouTube won't delete it quickly)

[Moontanman]

http://www.tickld.com/x/the-bravest-zoo-employee-ever-this-is-priceless

[michel123456]

http://www.tickld.com/x/the-bravest-zoo-employee-ever-this-is-priceless

That was a very (very) old one.

 

on the same idea:

 

At a construction site.

A chimpanzee comes and ask for work.

What can you do? Asks the foreman

I can do brick masonry, answers the chimpanzee.

And the chimpanzee indeed gets the job and works fine, even better than his fellow human workers.

After a month, the foreman goes to the chimpanzee and tell him that a circus came in town.

Why don't you ask for a job at there?

Well, that is a strange idea says the chimpanzee. Why would a circus need a mason?

[knyazik]

A man gets pulled over for going really really fast. The officer asks him, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" The man replies, "No. But I knew exactly where I was!"

[arc]

[knyazik]

[Unity+]

A man gets pulled over for going really really fast. The officer asks him, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" The man replies, "No. But I knew exactly where I was!"

I agree. It's kinda hard to wipe that from your memory.

Especially with the Cage. Edited October 30, 2014 by Unity+

[arc]

[Strange]

Why do hackers confuse Halloween and Christmas?

 

 

 

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.

[Unity+]

 

Apparently, my google-fu lacks. Can anyone find one making jokes about Republicans for Halloween?

Edited October 31, 2014 by Unity+

[John Cuthber]

I can't help wondering if the bloke is thinking "United:don't care: City"

[MonDie]

 

Hey, I know lots of colors. There's red, and then there's dark red, gray-red, orangish-red, bluish-red, etc.

 

---

 

returning November 21

[Moontanman]

High tech!

 

[knyazik]

 

So this weekend I showed this cartoon to a female friend of mine and she had the best response. She said, "I think you're missing a lot of colors..." and then she listed another dozen colors that she thought of. No smile, straight face, etc. Looks like she didn't really see nor interpret the whole right half of this picture!

[Moontanman]

Opening a portal to hell!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRngPHRj0vA

[For Prose]

 

So this weekend I showed this cartoon to a female friend of mine and she had the best response. She said, "I think you're missing a lot of colors..." and then she listed another dozen colors that she thought of. No smile, straight face, etc. Looks like she didn't really see nor interpret the whole right half of this picture!

 

That's hilarious knyazik!

Opening a portal to hell!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRngPHRj0vA

 

I wonder if this is where the funniest joke of all time started from? Religion.

[knyazik]

Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?

[iNow]

I'm can't decide whether to be pleased or pissed about the fact that Cheese Nips contain real cheese, but not real nipples.

[Danijel Gorupec]

He he... funny: I just replaced the old light bulb in my room with a much more advanc€d one. Government orders... The funny moment is that I am heating my room with an electric heater ... It also ruined my budget, so this year I am not buying this nice rosa-color self-adhesive tape to insulate my room window better ... Greetings from EU.

 

Edit: Oh, my goodness! I just realized this is not a joke! Very sorry indeed... Can you moderators dump this post in the sandbox, please? Thank you. Can you also dump the Directive? Thanks again.

[Phi for All]

I'm can't decide whether to be pleased or pissed about the fact that Cheese Nips contain real cheese, but not real nipples.

 

It depends on the cheese you use. SFN Cheese Nips are made with Tetilla:

 

[knyazik]

Two mathematicians are having lunch at Starbucks. They are in a deep discussion about how well on average people know math. One argues that on average nobody cares or knows math, and the other one argues that they do. The optimist says, let's have a test. I bet you that our waitress can solve a math problem. Let's ask her to take an integral of x. I bet she knows that it's x squared over 2. The other one says, fine, but I will bet $10 that she won't get it right. The optimist excuses himself and pretends to go to the restroom, while approaching the waitress, and asking her to respond to the next question they both will pose to her by "x squared over 2". It's pretty hard for the waitress to remember, but finally she repeats it back right to him, the optimist gives her $10 for her troubles. He then returns and shortly afterwards the waitress appears. The pesimists asks her what integral of x is, to which she proudly responds "x squared over 2". The pessimist upset gives his colleague the $10, who is smiling at his clever scheme. The waitress starts heading away, then stops for a second, turns around and adds "plus a constant"...

[Trumptor]

That's a good one. It was even funnier to me because I thought I worked out what the integral of x was after reading the beginning of the joke. Since I hadn't done any calculus in years, and thought x^2 and to negate the 2 when taking the derivative I'd have to add a 1/2 to it so it would be x squared over two! I thought to myself, "I still got it". Then I read the punchline and felt pretty dumb for forgetting that any constant would also be dropped when taking the derivative, lol - the waitress kicked my butt too.

[MonDie]

I'd like to see a Fourier analysis on how this thread moves between boorishness and sophistication.

[knyazik]

I'd like to see a Fourier analysis on how this thread moves between boorishness and sophistication.

 

I can tell you the result. It would be similar to performing fourier analysis of brownian motion

[EdEarl]