The Official JOKES SECTION :)

[michel123456]

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are riding a train through Scotland.

The engineer looks out the window, sees a black sheep, and exclaims, "Hey! They've got black sheep in Scotland!"

The physicist looks out the window and corrects the engineer, "Strictly speaking, all we know is that there's at least one black sheep in Scotland."

The mathematician looks out the window and corrects the physicist, " Strictly speaking, all we know is that is that at least one side of one sheep is black in Scotland."

[John Cuthber]

A mosquito was heard to complain,

that a chemist had poisoned his brain

The cause of his sorrow,

was para dichloro

diphenyl trichloroethane.

 

(Not original- I wish it was)

[arc]

This standup routine cracks me up every time - Luis C.K daughter got bit by a pony:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mexxt5kb3Po

 

 

Damn that was funny! :-0

 

When I was about 6 years old my folks bought an old farm house with a corral where the previous owners kept their two horses and two Shetland ponies. They took their horses with them, and with what seemed as a generous gift, gave me and my older sister the ponies.

 

My sister was the industry standard for the mean older sister.

 

Within a few hours my pony had knocked her face down in the mud and poo with a hard nudge of his nose, he then held her there with his right hoof while giving her a hard bite on the left ear.

 

At that moment I thought ponies were the greatest thing I had ever seen!

[koti]

 

 

When I was about 6 years old my folks bought an old farm house with a corral where the previous owners kept their two horses and two Shetland ponies. They took their horses with them, and with what seemed as a generous gift, gave me and my older sister the ponies.

 

My sister was the industry standard for the mean older sister.

 

Within a few hours my pony had knocked her face down in the mud and poo with a hard nudge of his nose, he then held her there with his right hoof while giving her a hard bite on the left ear.

 

At that moment I thought ponies were the greatest thing I had ever seen!

 

Your story I like but still "people who dont punch their ponies make me sick!"

[michel123456]

.

Edited September 14, 2016 by michel123456

[koti]

.

Hey Michael, that chicken paper is awesome, I found a better visual quality version of it

http://stat.fsu.edu/~chicken/webfiles/chickenpaper.pdf

[michel123456]

Hey Michael, that chicken paper is awesome, I found a better visual quality version of it

http://stat.fsu.edu/~chicken/webfiles/chickenpaper.pdf

Woaw, you are fast. I din't manage to make it readable on this Forum and quit because I had other things to do.

Very funny indeed. I wonder how people can spend their time in creating this. Unless he was laughing all along.

-----------

edit

_your link doesn't work for me

_I found it here https://www.medien.ifi.lmu.de/lehre/ss10/ps/slides/tutorial2.html#(2)

_I was wrong, it has a purpose. I expect the author to be still laughing though.

Edited September 15, 2016 by michel123456

[koti]

_I was wrong, it has a purpose. I expect the author to be still laughing though.

 

I think it serves a great purpose by exposing corporate surrealism.

[koti]

Theres a thread in "Speculations" called "Laser curvature test on lake Balaton"
I guess I'm a sick bastard but by skimming through the thread I immediately thought of this:

[michel123456]

[Moontanman]

[michel123456]

+1 for Leigh Rubin, never heard about him before, unfortunately. Great mind!

 

Edited September 24, 2016 by michel123456

[BusaDave9]

[wayne_m]

An architect, an electrician, and a civil engineer were discussing religion.

The architect said, "God must have been an architect. Look at the human body! Such elegance of design! A structure that is strong and light, and allows mobility, coupled with an efficient and effective motive system..."
He's interrupted by the electrician: "God must have been an electrician. Look at the wiring system. Self-powered, and such intricate connections throughout the whole body..."
They both notice the civil engineer shaking his head.
He says,, "God must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

 

And for our Jewish friends:
Two Jewish mothers were sitting in a restaurant.

The waiter came to their table and asked, "Is anything all right?"

An MIT student takes his girlfriend to a local bar.
He tells the bartender, a classmate, "I'll have an H2O."
The girlfriend says, "I'll have an H2O, too."

So many punchlines for this one.

 

He didn't care for her reaction, when she drank it.

The date went well, until she blew up at him.

Turned out to be a pretty hot date.

The bartender gave her water, because he's not a complete idiot.

[Tampitump]

Two rednecks decide they want to better themselves by getting a college education, so they decide to apply to their local community college. They schedule a meeting with an adviser to see what classes they will have to take. Upon arriving at the adviser's office, the first redneck goes in for his appointment, while the other redneck waits outside:

 

Adviser: Well, it looks like I've got your first handful of classes right here. You'll need to take an algebra course, an English course, and a logic course.

 

Redneck: Wha...wha...what's logic???

 

 

The adviser pauses for a second, trying to think of a way to explain logic in a way that the redneck could relate to. Then he finally thinks of the right words and says:

 

 

Adviser: Well, let me explain it to you this way.....Do you own a weed-eater?

 

Redneck: Well, yeah.

 

Adviser: Okay, well since you own a weed-eater, I can use logic to assume that you likely own a yard, right?

 

Redneck: Yeah, oh yeah, I see what you're getting at.

 

Adviser: And if you own a yard, logic tells me that you likely own a house. And if you own a house, logic tells me you likely have a family. And if you have a family, logic tells me you have a wife, and if you have a wife, logic tells me you are heterosexual, right?

 

Redneck: Yes yes, that's really cool! I can't wait for this logic class!

 

 

The redneck exits the advisers office to the waiting room where his other redneck friend is waiting for his appointment. His redneck friend gets up and asks him:

 

 

Other Redneck: Well, what classes you got?

 

Redneck: I gotta take this neat logic class.

 

Other Redneck: Wha..wha...what's logic?

 

Redneck: Well, let me explain it to you this way.....Do you own a weed-eater?

 

Other Redneck: Um.....no.

 

Redneck: You must be queer then.

[Daecon]

So... gay people don't live in houses?

[koti]

Proof that we're living in a Matrix. Edited September 26, 2016 by koti

[michel123456]

[michel123456]

[koti]

2683a4e8-4078-49c1-b0cb-f8bb75fbad3e-original.jpeg

A PhD Professor of physics wrote this. This is both funny and kinda scary

[Phi for All]

A PhD Professor of physics wrote this. This is both funny and kinda scary

 

... and false. http://www.snopes.com/einstein-rejection-letter/

[DrKrettin]

 

... and false. http://www.snopes.com/einstein-rejection-letter/

 

That's a relief. I had already wondered why the letter was written in English.

[michel123456]

 

... and false. http://www.snopes.com/einstein-rejection-letter/

Yes it is a joke.

Even the logo (the elevation of the Bern University building) is a fake. It shows a mirrored shadow of the central part part.(in red on the following). Also the shadows inside the windows show that it is a mirror of the half part of the building from some picture.(in green on the following.

 

Probably from the left side of this one.

 

---------------------

And the Einstein stamp on the right up corner is shouting.

Edited October 8, 2016 by michel123456

[Daedalus]

[npts2020]

Four men are in a bar drinking and bragging about their families. As they come to discuss their sons, one has to use the bathroom and leaves the table. The other three continue the discussion, the first puffing his chest out with pride and telling how his son worked at an automaker and how he had gotten a bunch of patents to improve cars. He says, "In fact, he has made so much money off of his inventions that he bought his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday." The second man says, "Well, my son is also an engineer and works in the aerospace industry. He has made improvements to airplanes and spaceships and has earned so much money he gave his best friend a new Lear jet and is teaching him to fly it." The third man thought those were pretty impressive but begins to tell about his son being a real estate agent. He says, "My son is probably the best real estate agent in America and has made so much money that he gave his best friend a 30,000 square foot hacienda on the beach for his birthday." About this time the fourth man comes back to the table and is asked about his son. He says, "My son is a stripper at a gay nightclub. The other men are stunned and don't quite know what to say and begin to offer him condolences but he says, "No, he is my son and I love him nonetheless. Besides, he has a LOT of really good friends. Why just last week for his birthday one gave him a top of the line Mercedes, another gave him a Lear jet and is teaching him to fly it and still another gave him a 30,000 square foot hacienda on the beach." The conversation quickly turned to other subjects.