The Official JOKES SECTION :)

[Pomlom]

lol.

 

Gotta agree Phi for All is excellent at jokes.

 

Wonder if anyone could come up with a little joke about him. Im trying but i suck at this stuff.

 

Just theorizing, but is Phi for All an alien? The possibility is high since he can cook up excellent jokes in just 5 minutes while it takes the average human atleast 30 minutes. Or does he have some gene mutation....

 

pOmLom

 

P.S

Is it:

Just theorizing.....

 

or

 

Just theorising.....

 

Anyways, just theori(z/s)ing.....

[Phi for All]

It's a gene mutation, but it's an alien one. Actually, it's a jean mutation 'cause it makes my pants bulge a little to make up something funny.

 

And it's "thehorizoning". I know, I have to look that up allot.

[Lance]

I know, I have to look that up allot.

 

That hurt.

[-Demosthenes-]

[bubble=gir]Seriously' date=' did you know he's really a black man with a prison record living in the suburbs under the witness protection program? Sorry, D, it had to be told.

[/bubble']

 

I can neither confirm nor deny this report.

[Phi for All]

Hey, everybody, say hello to Lance! Lance Allot, our good friend the chemical engineer. Lance may look young but he had his very own company selling liquid magnets. Most engineers aren't very smooth with the ladies and tend to talk to their shoes allot. Lance just slips some ferrofluids in a girl's drink so the fillings in her teeth will bond with his. Voila! Instant kiss! He calls it ferro-frenching, but we just call it FUN! He's currently building a Tesla coil to get rid of his latest girlfriend, who is apparently still attached to his lips. Conduct yourself like a gentleman, Lance!!

[Rakdos]

More More More NOW

[inamorata]

Let's see' date=' Bush has:

1. Brains=still searching,

2. Beauty=cat about to cough up hairball, until he smirks (which makes it worse),

3. Sense of humor=he says funny things all the time, none intentionally.

 

 

Conclusion=Inamorata in 2012![/quote']

 

I can deal with that.

 

Now to find a good intern........

[blike]

Lance just slips some ferrofluids in a girl's drink so the fillings in her teeth will bond with his. Voila! Instant kiss! He calls it ferro-frenching, but we just call it FUN! He's currently building a Tesla coil to get rid of his latest girlfriend, who is apparently still attached to his lips. Conduct yourself like a gentleman, Lance!!

 

holy crap thats hilarious.

 

ferro-frenching

 

roooofl.

[aommaster]

Phi, what do you do as a job? You would be great as a stand-up comedian! Really!

[swansont]

Phi, what do you do as a job? You would be great as a stand-up comedian! Really!

 

He's doing well as a sit-down comedian for the moment.

[swansont]

A penguin takes his sputtering car to a mechanic to be fixed. The mechanic says "it could take a while to service your car, come back in about 3 hours." So the penguin waddles over to the ice cream parlor across the street and gorges on ice cream for 3 hours straight. The penguin waddles back to the garage and the mechanic says "it looks like you blew a seal." So the penguin says "no, it's just ice cream."

[Phi for All]

Hey, hey, hey, it's my toughest competition, swansont! By day a mild mannered physicist making drinking fountains for the Naval Observatory, by night he tells jokes and gives lap dances at a local ladies club, the Stand Up & Shake It. The chicks dig it when ol' Tommy Testosterone starts working the pole up on that stage! Tell a joke, bump and grind, baby! He keeps 'em laughing and drooling until the wee hours, and it's a rare night when the stage isn't covered in hotel room keys, thrown by visiting Victoria's Secret executives and Mary Kay conventioneers. What's the secret to a great lap dance? Physics, baby! To quote Mr. T, "Spin is quantized and angular momentum is conserved. I think that you need both properties in order to entangle." Stop it, my nipples are getting hard!

[Phi for All]

Where's YT 2095? Probably on another mission in Her Majesty's Secret Service. Actually, his name is 00-2095 and he's one of MI-6's cheapest agents. Most of the best spy gadgets are taken since he's fairly far down the list of 00 operatives, so he's known as The Resourceful One. He doesn't drive an Aston Martin with a tricked out engine, he's got a Mini-Cooper with a hyperglycemic weasel on a hamster wheel. Back in 1995, he infiltrated Qadhafi's palace in Libya, garrotted the guards using his own hair and replaced the terrorist leader with a kinder, gentler, robotic version he cobbled together using a GameBoy, 2 packs of gum and a pair of toenail clippers. Using an old hatbox as a hat almost gave the whole thing away, but now it's Moammar's trademark. Cheers to you, mate, we all toast you with a vodka martini, super-sized, not shaken.

[Pomlom]

Do one about me too, i wont mind.

 

pOmLoM

[Phi for All]

Is everybody having fun? Is this a great show or what!? Be careful not to trip over Pomlom there, his feet are sticking out in the aisle. He may look dead but he's just jacked directly into his laptop so he can play Halo 2 all day. You're looking at the infamous M [)eadly, Scourge of the Battlefield, Vanquisher of the Covenant, and Drooler on Many T-shirts! We keep him fed intravenously on Red Bull and pre-chewed Doritos, but he's getting pretty anemic. We're working on a way to redirect the 1600 x 1200 graphics on his monitor into energetic photons so he'll get a tan while he's playing! Now there's a guy who's taken too many fuel-rod gunshots to the head!

[-Demosthenes-]

Two priests and a rabbi walk into a bar, then the bar tender says, "what is this a joke?"

[Guest syph]

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."

"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

[Guest syph]

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."

 

"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"

 

"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."

 

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!"

 

Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?"

 

And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"

 

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls... You must be a lawyer."

[aommaster]

A daughter goes ot her father and asks "Daddy, do all fairy-tales begin with 'Once Upon a Time'?" The father replies "No, there is a whoel set that begins with 'If elected I promised'!"

[aommaster]

He's doing well as a sit-down comedian for the moment.

I know, I know!

 

And the keyword here is 'well'. I think that should be interchanged with 'Amazing'!

[bloodhound]

Doctor Doctor!! I think i may have cancer! I got these two huge lumps on my chest!

[aommaster]

A lady steps into a police station with a balck eye. The cheif asks her "What happened?" She replies "I got punched in the face. There was a sound outside, in my garden. I came out looking and I got hit!"

 

So, the police cheif, personally, goes to investigate. 2 hours later, he comes back with a black. The lady asks "You got hit by the same person?" The police cheif says "No. I stepped on the same rake"

[Phi for All]

Well, Dave is on holiday, so I can let you in on his little secret. Dave is more than just a social animal, he's like a social T-Rex. Currently he has 217 girlfriends, and none of them knows about the others. Numbers are important to Dave, and he juggles these lovely ladies like an Enron accountant. He's not deceitful by nature, he just likes to... integrate. The girls all want to move in with him but cohabitation wouldn't be coefficient for Dave. Instead, he subtracts money from his trust fund to rent a four bedroom flat with an addition so he can multiply his nighttime endeavors without excessively dividing his attention. The flat is over a restaurant/cinema complex so Dave can date six or seven women in the same evening. How many girls do you think Dave took on a two week holiday? You do the math! His favorite pickup line is, "What's your sine? You have a well-defined set of binomials! I'm sufficiently large myself. Care to bracket and apply yourself to some index raising?"

[Rakdos]

A drunk man goes to the bathroom. A few minutes

later the man lets

out a scream. A few minutes after that, another

loud scream

reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into

the bathroom to

investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all

the screaming

about in there?" he yells, "You're scaring my

customers!"

I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the

drunk, "and every

time

I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the

hell out of

my privates."

With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and

says, "You

idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

[Phi for All]

Joe Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Joe Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different! The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant. Two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and damned if Earline didn't get pregnant again."

 

Luther asks Joe Bob, "So, what you gonna do different this year?"

 

Joe Bob says, "This year I'm takin' Earline with me."