The Official JOKES SECTION :)

[aommaster]

LOL!!! Only people who know about science and electrons would understand that!

[YT2095]

this one is my all time fave joke (so far), nothing to do with Science though.

 

there`s a sausage and an egg in a frying pan, the sausage says "Jeez it`s a bit hot in here!"

the egg replies "OH MY GOD, A Talking Sausage!"

[swansont]

A bar walks into a man... ooops! Wrong reference frame.

 

How about science cartoons?

 

Non-science ones

[YT2095]

this is by far the funniest in my opinion: http://home.netcom.com/~swansont/simplecubic.jpg

 

nice one

[aommaster]

Very nice jokes Swansont!!!

[Tesseract]

If theres going to be a jokes section pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease! put me in charge, ill be forever grateful.

 

Heres a joke for the thread:

Try to read these

 

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is dumbass cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

 

Now read the third word in each phrase.

[Glider]

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two

 

One to blow up the giraffe and one to stretch the banana.

[Lance]

Favorite joke ever:

 

A guy employs somebody to build him a dog house. He says that it has to be built with exactly 100 bricks and in 3 days. The man gets to work and on the end of the first day he has finished but he counts all the bricks and there are only 99.

 

So the next day he tears it all down and rebuilds it. He counts it again but there are still only 99 bricks.

 

So on the last day he tears it down again and rebuilds it. He then counts every single brick but there are only 99 bricks...

 

He then takes the 100th brick and throws it into the air....

 

It doesn’t come back down.

[hierarch]

Two molecules walking down the road, one says to the other "I think I`ve lost an Electron!" the other one says "Are you Positive?"

I am changeing it into:

Two women walking down the road, one says to the other "I think I`ve lost an Electron!" the other one says "Are you Positive?"

 

Is it more funny?

[aommaster]

Why would it be more funny?

[BPHgravity]

There are 10 sorts of people' date=' Those that understand Binary, and Those that don`t

[edit} just realised post #2 here: http://www.scienceforums.net/forums/showthread.php?t=1159

 

nevermind, it`s old but good

 

Actually, there are 3 types of people, those who can count, and those who can't.

[swansont]

Actually, there are 3 types of people, those who can count, and those who can't.

 

There are two types of people: those who categorize people into two types, and those who don't.

[Phi for All]

My favorite computer joke:

Three engineers are carpooling to work when the car breaks down. The mechanical engineer says, "I think the engine's shot."

The electrical engineer says, "I think the problem is in the wiring."

The computer engineer says, "Can't we just get out of the car and get back in again?"

[Tesseract]

Favorite joke ever:

 

A guy employs somebody to build him a dog house. He says that it has to be built with exactly 100 bricks and in 3 days. The man gets to work and on the end of the first day he has finished but he counts all the bricks and there are only 99.

 

So the next day he tears it all down and rebuilds it. He counts it again but there are still only 99 bricks.

 

So on the last day he tears it down again and rebuilds it. He then counts every single brick but there are only 99 bricks...

 

He then takes the 100th brick and throws it into the air....

 

It doesn’t come back down.

 

I dont get this at all can someone explain it please.

[Phi for All]

Favorite Bush joke:

Cheney here's a big, "YEEEEE-HAH!" come from the Oval Office. He rushes in and Bush tells him, "Boss, I just finished this jigsaw puzzle in record time!"

Cheney sighs and says, "That's great junior. How long did it take you?"

Bush replies, "Two weeks!"

Cheney asks, "What's the average time?"

Bush says, "Well, the box says 2-4 YEARS!"

[Lance]

You don’t get it?!

 

Alright alright here’s another:

 

There’s a man and his best friend, a bird, on a plane. This guy in front of them is smoking a cigar and it started to make the bird cough.

 

The bird tells his friend, “Will you please tell this guy in front of us to stop smoking? It’s making me cough.”

 

So the man says the the smoker, “Hey will you stop smoking that cigar? Its making my bird cough.” And the smoker says, “No I wanna enjoy this cigar.”

 

A little later the bird is coughing even worse and the bird says,”Hey you gota tell this guy to stop smoking he’s making me sick.”

 

So the man says to the smoker, “Hey will you please stop smoking? You’re making my bird sick.” And the man says, “No I wanna enjoy this here cigar.”

 

After a while the bird is about to die and he says, “You gota tell this guy to stop smoking I’m gona die soon.”

 

So the man says to the smoker, “Hey will you stop smoking?! You’re killing my bird!” And the man says, “No! I wanna enjoy the rest of this cigar in peace!”

 

The bird says, “Hey I got an idea. You tell this guy that if he throws the cigar out the window then you will throw me out the window and I can fly back in.”

 

So he says to the smoker, “Hey if I throw my bird out the window will you throw the cigar out?” And he agrees.

 

They throw the cigar and bird out at the same time and the bird flies back in with something in its mouth.

 

Do you know what was in its mouth?

[Phi for All]

A brick.

 

Nice set up, Lance.

[Tesseract]

A brick.

 

Nice set up' date=' Lance. [/quote']

 

I still dont see how thats very funny, whats it have to do with the 100th brick???

[Phi for All]

Favorite heaven joke:

A rich man who was near death was very sad because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

 

An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

 

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him.

 

The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

 

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter.

 

Seeing the suitcase St. Peter says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

 

But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting you through."

 

St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect what the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!!!"

[Phi for All]

I still dont see how thats very funny, whats it have to do with the 100th brick???

Maybe this will help:

A guy goes skydiving for the first time. After he jumps out of the

plane, he counts to ten, pulls the ripcord, and nothing happens. Only

a little worried, he pulls the cord for the auxiliary parachute, but

unfortunately, the chute still does not appear. As he is plummeting

toward the Earth, he sees a woman coming up the other way. He shouts to

her "Do you know anything about parachutes?" "No", she says, "do you

know anything about gas stoves?"

[Lance]

I still dont see how thats very funny, whats it have to do with the 100th brick???

 

Well its a lot funnier verbally when you act like there stupid and say stuff like "I cant believe you don’t get it" after the first part but nobody took the bate except you so I just went ahead and told the rest.

[Lance]

Hmm, I dont understand this one either?

 

Heaven is paved with gold.

[Tesseract]

Heaven is paved with gold.

 

LOL, now its funny.

[Phi for All]

LOL, now its funny.

Sorry, it didn't have a cat in it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(See post #32)

[aommaster]

Oh my! Where do you get ur jokes from! They are really funny! Let's keep it up!