williamthegreat Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Horse walked into a bar Barman goes 'why the long face?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phi for All Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 Gotta have this one from The Big Bang Theory posted here: A physicist goes to an ice cream parlor every week and orders an ice cream for himself and offers an ice cream for the empty stool sitting next to him. This goes on for a while until the owner asks him what he is doing. The man says “Well, I’m a physicist and Quantum Mechanics teaches us that it's possible for the matter above this stool to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman who might accept my offer and fall in love with me.” The owner says, "There are a lot of single beautiful women who come in here every day, so why don’t you buy an ice cream for one of them and they might fall in love with you." And the physicist says “Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shakes Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 Two nuns are bicycling through the back streets of Rome on a mission to the poor. As it starts to get dark the novice gets anxious and leans over to the older nun. "Sister," she says nevously, "I have to admit I've never come this way before." The older nun responds smiling, "It's the cobblestones." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Skeptic Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 "If my dad ever finds out what I've been up to he's gonna crucify me" -- Jesus's character, in Hamlet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rickdog Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 :D:D ROFL :D:D ( Brilliant !!!! ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeRoy Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 The father scolding his little son for smoking: - How can you do that?! Quit immediately! When i was at your age...you know...it's better for you to smoke, son... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phi for All Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 I was in a restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was pretty loud, so I timed my farts with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me.... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Refsmmat Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Now that's a wind instrument to remember. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Icefire Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 A guy walks into a bar. Rubbing his head, he decided to watch where he was going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iNow Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Woman Marine Pilot The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, and began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left. 'Janie, do you have a story to share?' 'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.' 'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?' "Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caharris Posted June 15, 2010 Share Posted June 15, 2010 Q: What did Donald Duck say in his graduate physics class? A: Quark, quark, quark! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zapatos Posted June 15, 2010 Share Posted June 15, 2010 An old man goes into the doctor and says there is something that has been troubling him and he has a question. "When I was 20, if my thing was hard I couldn't get it to bend at all. Then when I was 40, I found that I could bend it a little bit. When I hit 50, I could move it around pretty much. And now that I'm 70, I find I can just about bend it in half." "I see", says the doctor, "and just what is your question?" The old man replies, "Just how strong am I going to get?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Externet Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phi for All Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 The Entabulator description literally made my fillings hurt. I had to stop listening when my left eye developed a tic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Externet Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 (edited) British Petroleum... Edited June 16, 2010 by Externet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Externet Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 It is not new either, but some of you may have not enjoyed it yet... ---> http://www.419eater.com/html/joe_eboh.htm Use your spare time to read, and do not hold yourself from laughing loud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Cuthber Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 British Petroleum... That joke would be better if British Petroleum still existed, or if you gave BP the right name. This one is much better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Externet Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Agreed, your link takes the trophy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vordhosbn Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Cuthber Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 http://www.fifa.com/worldcup/teams/team=43942/index.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mississippichem Posted July 10, 2010 Share Posted July 10, 2010 I once heard the laws of thermodynamics stated as: 0) Its not what you think 1) You can't win 2) You can't even break even 3) Don't even try Funny, yes. True, even more so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
divagreen Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 I found this and loved it. Look at the dates: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mississippichem Posted September 13, 2010 Share Posted September 13, 2010 (edited) I asked my physical chemistry professor what the real advantage to the Born-Oppenheimer approximation was; he said: "So you won't have to become a physicist". Edited September 13, 2010 by mississippichem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tnad Posted September 14, 2010 Share Posted September 14, 2010 (edited) Then went to the chem lab, reads on the wall: Edited September 14, 2010 by Tnad 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Skeptic Posted September 14, 2010 Share Posted September 14, 2010 http://www.hol.com/~mikesch/tetzel.htm After Tetzel had received a substantial amount of money at Leipzig, a nobleman asked him if it were possible to receive a letter of indulgence for a future sin. Tetzel quickly answered in the affirmative, insisting, however, that the payment had to made at once. This the nobleman did, receiving thereupon letter and seal from Tetzel. When Tetzel left Leipzig the nobleman attacked him along the way, gave him a thorough beating, and sent him back empty-handed to Leipzig with the comment that this was the future sin which he had in mind. Duke George at first was quite furious about this incident, but when he heard the whole story he let it go without punishing the nobleman. Source: Luthers Schriften, herausg. von Walch. XV, 446. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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