The Official JOKES SECTION :)

[Ghideon]

21 hours ago, joigus said:

Swansont: Did the chicken cross the road? Any references?

Maybe we should add some unsourced ones and have a guess who?

"Here is a helpful animation displaying the relativistic effects when a chicken crosses the road, as seen from a stationary observer."

"The chicken crossed the road in 18.3400000000021 seconds, measured in the chickens frame of reference." 

"No model. No math. You have no theory. Your idea how the chicken crossed the road have been debunked over and over. Thread closed!"

"A charged chicken crosses the road at an angle of 90 degrees, in what direction will there be a magnetic field?"

 

[joigus]

1 hour ago, Ghideon said:

Maybe we should add some unsourced ones and have a guess who?

"Here is a helpful animation displaying the relativistic effects when a chicken crosses the road, as seen from a stationary observer."

"The chicken crossed the road in 18.3400000000021 seconds, measured in the chickens frame of reference." 

"No model. No math. You have no theory. Your idea how the chicken crossed the road have been debunked over and over. Thread closed!"

"A charged chicken crosses the road at an angle of 90 degrees, in what direction will there be a magnetic field?"

 

Aaaah. That rings a bell. I think we should have a thread dedicated to impersonate other users (nicely, of course). I would be very happy to have an impersonation of myself.

We did that years ago in some language-learning forums. We had some fun.

Edit. I think it's a great idea. If more people think it's fun and the mods don't mind, we could do that.  

Edited September 24, 2020 by joigus
Addition

[Janus]

ZENO:  The chicken couldn't have crossed the road. It would have first had to cross halfway, then halfway the remaining distance...

[Ghideon]

31 minutes ago, Janus said:

ZENO:  The chicken couldn't have crossed the road. It would have first had to cross halfway, then halfway the remaining distance...

Archimedes: Zeno's chicken crossed the road; my methods take into account the fact that under the conditions stipulated the amount of time taken at each step is geometrically decreasing

Edited September 24, 2020 by Ghideon

[iNow]

[iNow]

When someone tells me they’re a Christian, I ask:

 

Classic Jesus, or Republican Jesus?

[Area54]

On 9/24/2020 at 8:22 PM, Janus said:

ZENO:  The chicken couldn't have crossed the road. It would have first had to cross halfway, then halfway the remaining distance...

My understanding is that the chicken stopped in the middle of the road. Why? It was a Rhode Island Red.

 

12 hours ago, iNow said:

When someone tells me they’re a Christian, I ask:

Classic Jesus, or Republican Jesus?

That's not a joke. That's perceptive political commentary.

[joigus]

[michel123456]

Chicken?

 

educational-chicken.pdf For anyone interested, everything is explained in this .pdf

[dimreepr]

On 9/28/2020 at 5:28 PM, Area54 said:

That's not a joke. That's perceptive political commentary.

Depends on the number's...

[Saiyan300Warrior]

If you guys are so smart and know all these smart stuffs then why aren't any of you millionaires or famous? I guess your knowledge bank doesn't really set me and you guys apart :P

 

[zapatos]

3 minutes ago, Saiyan300Warrior said:

If you guys are so smart and know all these smart stuffs then why aren't any of you millionaires or famous? I guess your knowledge bank doesn't really set me and you guys apart

 

What makes you think I'm not a millionaire?

[Saiyan300Warrior]

3 minutes ago, zapatos said:

What makes you think I'm not a millionaire?

Hmm... I dunno... makes me wonder... what if those numbers under your name actually represent some higher monetary value that belongs to you? Still you are on the internet and from my experience anyone on the internet who says their a millionaire, has a business, works at home or even implies their one is usually a liar!

[zapatos]

2 minutes ago, Saiyan300Warrior said:

Hmm... I dunno... makes me wonder... what if those numbers under your name actually represent some higher monetary value that belongs to you? Still you are on the internet and from my experience anyone on the internet who says their a millionaire, has a business, works at home or even implies their one is usually a liar!

This is the JOKES thread so I won't take this more off topic, but if you wish to think critically, you shouldn't assume I am not a millionaire, that I claimed to be a millionaire, or that I am probably a liar. In other words, DON'T ASSUME.

[koti]

[Asheekay]

In order to post here in the official jokes section, should we post only official jokes or unofficial ones can also be posted? 🤔

[MigL]

UNofficial jokes go in the .science sections ( usually Physics or Biology ).
It's hilarious what some people try to pass off as science.

[dimreepr]

56 minutes ago, Asheekay said:

In order to post here in the official jokes section, should we post only official jokes or unofficial ones can also be posted? 🤔

Post a joke and we'll let you know...😐

[joigus]

8 minutes ago, MigL said:

UNofficial jokes go in the .science sections ( usually Physics or Biology ).
It's hilarious what some people try to pass off as science.

Is that officially a joke?

[J.C.MacSwell]

17 hours ago, koti said:

You picked a fine time to leave me Dodge Ram...

19 hours ago, zapatos said:

This is the JOKES thread so I won't take this more off topic, but if you wish to think critically, you shouldn't assume I am not a millionaire, that I claimed to be a millionaire, or that I am probably a liar. In other words, DON'T ASSUME.

"Most statements or claims on the internet are exaggerated, completely false, or incorrectly attributed"

Mahatma Ghandi

[Asheekay]

1 hour ago, dimreepr said:

Post a joke and we'll let you know...😐

I did already 😉

You thought it was a question 🤭

[dimreepr]

3 minutes ago, Asheekay said:

I did already 😉

When?

3 minutes ago, Asheekay said:

You thought it was a question 🤭

I thought that you thought that, was funny... 😆

[MigL]

On ‎9‎/‎27‎/‎2020 at 11:39 PM, iNow said:

When someone tells me they’re a Christian, I ask:

Classic Jesus, or Republican Jesus?

That's the problem with Religions ( aside from political commentary ) and reminds me of an Emo Philips joke

 

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!”
He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”
He said, “Yes.”
I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”
He said, “A Christian.”
I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”
He said, “Protestant.”
I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”
He said, “Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”
I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

 

( reading it back to myself, it does seem much funnier in an Emo Philips voice )

[John Cuthber]

1 hour ago, MigL said:

 

( reading it back to myself, it does seem much funnier in an Emo Philips voice )

Things do.

My favourite Emo Philips  joke"
"When I was a kid I prayed that God would give me a bicycle.
Then I realised that God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bicycle, and prayed for forgiveness."

[Area54]

1 hour ago, MigL said:

That's the problem with Religions ( aside from political commentary ) and reminds me of an Emo Philips joke

<snip>

( reading it back to myself, it does seem much funnier in an Emo Philips voice )

Here you go -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3fAcxcxoZ8

There is 2:55 of lead in that is worth watching of itself.