Scientific reasons for me not having a girlfriend?

[Tampitump]

 

I think you are just guiding this discussion to what you want to hear from us to support and reinforce your belief about your problems and the futility of trying solve them.

 

Think what you want. All I made this thread for is to explore a very profound example of human natural selection. The case just happened to be my own. I'm sorry I insulted you. I've had a bit to drink tonight. I'm going to bed now. I'll pick back up with this thread tomorrow.

[StringJunky]

Think what you want. All I made this thread for is to explore a very profound example of human natural selection. The case just happened to be my own. I'm sorry I insulted you. I've had a bit to drink tonight. I'm going to bed now. I'll pick back up with this thread tomorrow.

OK. No problem. We'll forget about it.

[dimreepr]

I find it funny how people think its just that easy. No matter how much I try to stress how abnormal and exceptional my case is, they continue to ignore me and say things like "its okay, just get out more."

 

Ahh... The luxury of being normal. Why don't you tell a blind man all he has to do is use his eyes more often and everything will be ok? It would be no more ridiculous than the bullshit you just said to me. I resent your dismissal of my issues and making light of them, then suggesting all I have to do is get out more and talk to girls more often. Do you not think I've tried this before ad nauseam? Were you not paying attention to all the examples I provided about my experiences with girls and the negative reactions they've had to me? I find it fascinating how little of their brains people employ on these matters.

 

 

I didn't say it was easy, I said it's what YOU NEED to do. I wasn't trying to insult you I was trying a different way to make you understand; you have two choices: you either carry on convincing yourself that a lonely life is what you really want or just keep trying... FFS I'm not suggesting you chat up every girl you meet, just say hi to some of them and try on a smile.

 

None of us deserve an easy life (tell your tale of woe to a refugee), so when you find yourself with food, shelter, peace and freedom, you owe it to yourself to at least try * nobody else owes you anything.

 

* edit

Edited August 2, 2016 by dimreepr

[StringJunky]

Think what you want. All I made this thread for is to explore a very profound example of human natural selection.

I'm sure some here could tell you what difficulties they have and the effect it has had on their confidence and ability to interact romantically.... you are not the only one. Don't forget that.

 

Imagine not being able to see. Imagine not being able hear. Imagine not being able to walk. Those are profound. If Steven Hawking can pull women you can. He can't walk or talk and his body is ravaged. My point is that you need to put your problems in perspective relative to other people who manage to have relationships in spite of severe handicaps. I'm severely deaf in both ears but I still get 'out there' and make the most of what I do have.

 

You need to start thinking your glass is half full and not half empty.

Edited August 2, 2016 by StringJunky

[Mordred]

I recall one happy couple. The wife was deaf and blind. The Husband mute and deaf. They had to communicate via feeling each others sign lanquage with their hands.

 

There are plenty of couples who have severe medical problems. New relations can and do develop despite these limitations.

[iNow]

I seriously do not understand...

I referenced how meeting people online often helps establish and even nourish an initial connection with someone without the added obstacle of visual perception.

 

You then made a remark about online dating, suggesting doing so meant accepting defeat.

 

StringJunky lightly commented that he used online dating, saying paraphrased, "hey there buster, what does that say about me then?!?!" with an implied LOL and suggesting it wasn't nearly as bad as you were suggesting.

 

When making that post, SJ mentioned peripherally how it sucks when someone you're chatting up online suddenly just vanishes and stops replying.

 

I shared the common term for that phenomenon or behavior. There's an actual word for it because it happens so often. It's called ghosting. SJ had been ghosted. I suggested the only thing we should ghost is the conflation of anecdote and confirmation bias with assertions of core unassailable truths.

 

Then, the thread randomly spun out of control. Feces were thrown. Claws were shown. Calm was blown. It's an emotional topic for you. We get it.

 

Keep in mind, though, that women are probably not oblivious to the kind of volatility you've just expressed here to a bunch of random strangers on the Internet who were (as directly triggered by specific comments within this very thread) discussing one aspect of online dating.

 

If your emotional edges are this sharp and jagged, your sense of peace so easily disturbed, then perhaps women pick up on that and justifiably stay away from you out of a innate need to avoid unpredictable outbursts and risk.

 

Perhaps not having a girlfriend has more to do with that acerbic emotional hair trigger you've just displayed to us (something that's entirely within your control to improve, I might add) than it has to do with the easy excuse and scapegoat of your morphology and looks. Of course, it's most certainly both, but perhaps this other angle is something to consider as you further ruminate on the topic.

 

That's how I interpreted the above, anyway. Hope it's helpful. There's no need to lash out at others here. If you don't understand something, just ask for clarification.

Edited August 2, 2016 by iNow

[Tampitump]

Well, its not due to anger issues. I don't have anger issues. I already said I was drunk.

 

 

If Steven Hawking can pull women you can.

 

Stephen Hawking is a genius. I'm borderline retarded. Big difference. Besides, I don't really want companionship for the sake of it. I want a quality woman. One any man would want. When it gets down to the "there's this man who's blind, deaf, and deformed and he found a woman who is exactly the same and they fell in love" bullshit, you're just grasping at straws at that point to make anything of that other than sad and pathetic. I know its harsh, but its true.

 

Anyway guys, I feel that this thread is becoming circular, so I'm going to withdraw. I appreciate the help and kind words. If someone could delete this thread, that would be great. Thanks!

Edited August 2, 2016 by Tampitump

[StringJunky]

Well, its not due to anger issues. I don't have anger issues. I already said I was drunk.

No problem

 

Stephen Hawking is a geni. I'm borderline retarded. Big difference.

Bollocks. You are not even near borderline retarded. You need a new mental mirror because it's wrong. You wouldn't be posting here if you were.

 

The thing that separates geniuses from ordinary people is tenacity and dedication to their goal even in in the face of adversity. Hawking is a shining example of that. It takes effort to be a genius and not just intelligent.

 

 

Besides, I don't really want companionship for the sake of it. I want a quality woman. One any man would want.

You want a trophy; arm candy?

Edited August 2, 2016 by StringJunky

[Tampitump]

 

Bollocks. You are not even near borderline retarded. You need a new mental mirror because it's wrong. You wouldn't be posting here if you were.

 

 

I only have an IQ of 90-100. I know, I took an IQ test recently. That is borderline mentally deficient. I was surprised by it actually. I knew I was on the lower end, but not this low. I've always shown signs of being intellectually challenged. I failed statistics five times back when I was doing college and I still never passed it. My interest in science is purely that, an interest. I have no talent at it whatsoever. I wish I did, but I don't.

 

Sometimes I think about checking myself into a rehab or a hospital and just letting them take care of me for the rest of my life. But I'm not disabled or mentally-challenged so it wouldn't work. Since I don't work, and I don't really like the outside world, that life just seems nice to me.

You want a trophy; arm candy?

And I'm not sure why people think just because looks matter that you're looking only for a "trophy wife/girlfriend". Looks matter to most people.

[StringJunky]

I only have an IQ of 90-100. I know, I took an IQ test recently. That is borderline mentally deficient. I was surprised by it actually. I knew I was on the lower end, but not this low. I've always shown signs of being intellectually challenged. I failed statistics five times back when I was doing college and I still never passed it. My interest in science is purely that, an interest. I have no talent at it whatsoever. I wish I did, but I don't.

 

Sometimes I think about checking myself into a rehab or a hospital and just letting them take care of me for the rest of my life. But I'm not disabled or mentally-challenged so it wouldn't work. Since I don't work, and I don't really like the outside world, that life just seems nice to me.

And I'm not sure why people think just because looks matter that you're looking only for a "trophy wife/girlfriend". Looks matter to most people.

Well, the IQ test is clearly wrong in what it suggests to you and it doesn't measure the things that matter. You are living proof that Joe Public should stay away from them. A borderline low-intelligence case can not write or express as fluently as you.

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; don't go out with somebody you think is unattractive.

Edited August 2, 2016 by StringJunky

[Tampitump]

Well, the IQ test is clearly wrong in what it suggests to you and it doesn't measure the things that matter. You are living proof that Joe Public should stay away from them. A borderline low-intelligence case can not write or express as fluently as you.

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; don't go out with somebody you think is unattractive.

That's very kind of you to say. I've never thought of myself as an articulate communicator. Pretty inadquate actually. Lol

[StringJunky]

That's very kind of you to say. I've never thought of myself as an articulate communicator. Pretty inadquate actually. Lol

I'm only stating what I see as true. If I were you, I wouldn't write off the internet as a means to meet people given that you are a fluent communicator with written words. Women, on the whole, are more mind-orientated whereas men tend towards towards the visual and physical; the internet is an ideal medium to interact with women in the written form as a first step to your desired goal.

[iNow]

And, at the very least, by doing so you'll improve your interaction skills through practice, make some non-romantic friends, and potentially even be reminded that there are quite a large number of women out there who don't neatly fit into the archetype of them you seem to have formed.

[Tampitump]

I'm only stating what I see as true. If I were you, I wouldn't write off the internet as a means to meet people given that you are a fluent communicator with written words. Women, on the whole, are more mind-orientated whereas men tend towards towards the visual and physical; the internet is an ideal medium to interact with women in the written form as a first step to your desired goal.

Its not my goal. I don't desire to connect with women. I truly was raising this as a scientific question.

 

Besides, I still have problems with the online thing. I think its okay if you've already acquired dates the real way. But if you've never had success the real way and you resort to this, I think that's just an indication that you need to hang it up. That's just my opinion and its not going to change. Besides, I don't think the online thing will help me one bit. I'll have to upload a picture and that will put all bets off immediately. I don't think the people here are giving my shabby looks and low sex appeal its due credibility. There's no girl (not one) that would ever want to date me, both for visual reasons and mental. I'm just not a desirable mate. I'm a dud, and a defect. It really is that simple. I'm not hating on myself, its just the fact. I've got 25 years of observed evidence to confirm this being the case.It is assumed from the very beginning by women that I'm undesirable and therefore the thought of possibly considering me as a date or mate never even gets considered. Its cool, I'm over it now. I also don't think you realize how deficient I am intellectually. I'm not just going off of the recent IQ results. I've always had trouble in school, math, reading comprehension, etc. The IQ results were not surprising to me at all, but I already knew I had intellectual challenges before taking the test. I've also taken other IQ tests before with similar results. I usually don't even break 100. I think a big part of the disconnect with women (and people in general) is my lack of wit. I'm a very slow learner, and very slow to pick up on things in colloquial conversation. I attended college directly after high school, spent three years there, and never made it beyond freshman status because I failed everything. There's nothing I could really add to a conversation with a woman, let alone a long term relationship. Let's just be real too, no girl is going to look at me and get horny and want to go home with me so she can have sex with me. Its just not going to happen.

Edited August 2, 2016 by Tampitump

[iNow]

I also agree that you should question those IQ results. You elucidate your thoughts clearly and cogently, better than many (most?) we've seen here.

[Phi for All]

I only have an IQ of 90-100. I know, I took an IQ test recently. That is borderline mentally deficient.

 

Even by the scales of a questionable test, this is an average score. Far from any imagined borders near "challenged" and "deficient".

 

You're shading this heavily towards negative. It's like saying you almost failed an exam because you got a C.

 

What's challenging you is not your intelligence. You put your thoughts together rationally enough, but your perspective is overly negative. I know life is tough, but you have to maintain enough of a positive out-look to stay out-looking. Being too negative means missing out on signals for opportunities to get what you want.

 

 

 

Moshe: "God, I've never asked you for anything else, but I pray to you every week for a year to win the lottery. And every week, someone else wins! Why are you so cruel to me, God? Why do you hate me so?"

 

God: "Moshe, my boy, you gotta meet me halfway on this one. BUY A LOTTERY TICKET!"

[Tampitump]

There's also something about the freedom of being on my own that I like. I don't like to answer to people. I don't like to compromise my own desires. I like to do what I want, when I want. And since we live in a secular, liberal, free democracy, that freedom is perfectly mine to have without any commentary, argument, or opinion from anyone. lol

[CharonY]

But if you are mostly focused on yourself (while going to great lengths to justify that) and do not leave room for someone else, it should not come as a surprise that no one is willing to join you.

[Tampitump]

But if you are mostly focused on yourself (while going to great lengths to justify that) and do not leave room for someone else, it should not come as a surprise that no one is willing to join you.

You're stepping a little bit beyond the scope of the problem. This argument would be good if we were talking about me having an inability to hold a relationship for any length of time. Instead, what we're talking about here is girls not even noticing me or being completely repelled by the initial sight of me and never getting to that point of first conversation. So your argument cannot really be applied in this framework because we haven't gotten to the point that your argument addresses yet.

The problem has very little to do with my selfishness because there is not enough time for a girl to evaluate this before she rejects me in each and every case. They all reject me out of hand without putting a second's worth of thought into it. It's just common knowledge that I'm not an option, I'm unworthy and invalid, defective and not even to be considered. That is the going consensus in the female community, or so it seems. You guys have never been a second in my shoes and everything you say demonstrates it. You talk to me as if I'm an average guy and I'm not. I'm not sure how to stress the point that I'm highly deformed, highly incompetent, and impoverished in the departments of sex appeal sufficiently enough that you guys can understand or acknowledge it. I've tried to put it lightly, but most of you continue to give me advice as if I were a real man. I'm a freak, so the normal advice you would give to a fellow average guy with normal sex appeal and attractiveness is invalid for me. That's just the fact of the matter.

Edited August 2, 2016 by Tampitump

[iNow]

There are clearly multiple factors at play here, but your current self-image is without question one of the obstacles standing in your way.

 

Not all humans are so jaw droppingly shallow that looks are the only relevant criteria under consideration when pair bonding. It's a majority trend and often important in initiating the exchange, yes, but majority does not equal everyone.

Edited August 2, 2016 by iNow

[Tampitump]

I think what it boils down do is that I'm not sure what to do with my life at this point. I'm obviously never going to have a relationship so that's off the table. I've proven not to be cut out for school, so I doubt I will ever have a decent-paying job. I also don't have any useful skills and am still currently unemployed. I've basically been a deadbeat for quite some time now. I'm not foreseeing many open doors in store for me. There's a part of me who wants to do something great, like go to a great school and become highly educated, but I know that every bit of evidence I have on this matter shows that I would fail at that project. I know a guy who was a physicist at Vanderbilt for number of years. He just blows my mind with how intellectual he is and how mathematical problems just solve themselves in his mind. I also have a cousin who attended Vanderbilt and Yale (albeit not for anything scientific, but still...). My brother is a very smart and accomplished engineer. I'm not sure why I've always fallen short in the intelligence department.

 

I spend a great deal of time just sitting in my room contemplating my life, my future, etc. I have my moments when I go into full on depressed, borderline suicidal mode, and then there's times when I just want to say "fuck it, I'm going to do something great with my life." But most of the time the negativity wins. It seems like I spend most of my time working on this perfect algorithm for how my life is supposed to go, and no time actually making it happen. I'm such slow learner that I always think I have to think everything out, running through my brain dozens of times, before I actually make a move. I have a fear of failure. I'm not sure how most people manage to work so hard for hours every single day, and still manage to know and understand a variety of things very well. Most people who have way less time on their hands than myself are so much smarter and more knowledgeable on just about everything than me. I'm convinced that I'm just a dud of a human being. My brain is no good, and neither is my body.

Edited August 3, 2016 by Tampitump

[StringJunky]

I'm such slow learner that I always think I have to think everything out, running through my brain dozens of times, before I actually make a move.

How about exchanging 'slow' for 'thorough'? You probably have a perfectionist element. Your writing suggests so; I don't come across many errors... if any. I bet you you scan it multiple times before you hit 'Post'. I do it after.

 

I have a fear of failure.

Those that never made a mistake never made anything. Look forward to and embrace your mistakes.

 

 

Most people who have way less time on their hands than myself are so much smarter and more knowledgeable on just about everything than me.

You have absolutely no evidence for this or your data set is too small. You need to talk to people more, by whatever means, to get you out of your reverie and to help decide what you think is actually true or not and put them into context.

Edited August 3, 2016 by StringJunky

[dimreepr]

I think what it boils down do is that I'm not sure what to do with my life at this point. I'm obviously never going to have a relationship so that's off the table. I've proven not to be cut out for school, so I doubt I will ever have a decent-paying job. I also don't have any useful skills and am still currently unemployed. I've basically been a deadbeat for quite some time now. I'm not foreseeing many open doors in store for me. There's a part of me who wants to do something great, like go to a great school and become highly educated, but I know that every bit of evidence I have on this matter shows that I would fail at that project. I know a guy who was a physicist at Vanderbilt for number of years. He just blows my mind with how intellectual he is and how mathematical problems just solve themselves in his mind. I also have a cousin who attended Vanderbilt and Yale (albeit not for anything scientific, but still...). My brother is a very smart and accomplished engineer. I'm not sure why I've always fallen short in the intelligence department.

 

I spend a great deal of time just sitting in my room contemplating my life, my future, etc. I have my moments when I go into full on depressed, borderline suicidal mode, and then there's times when I just want to say "fuck it, I'm going to do something great with my life." But most of the time the negativity wins. It seems like I spend most of my time working on this perfect algorithm for how my life is supposed to go, and no time actually making it happen. I'm such slow learner that I always think I have to think everything out, running through my brain dozens of times, before I actually make a move. I have a fear of failure. I'm not sure how most people manage to work so hard for hours every single day, and still manage to know and understand a variety of things very well. Most people who have way less time on their hands than myself are so much smarter and more knowledgeable on just about everything than me. I'm convinced that I'm just a dud of a human being. My brain is no good, and neither is my body.

 

 

 

"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self." - Ernest Hemingway.

 

You're certainly not alone in having done something too regret, the memory of which makes us cringe or shudder; your path to peace, is to to ride the feeling and then say "phuq it (the posh spelling) nothing I can change now", shrug and get on with life, you're alive now not then.

Only if you can learn to forgive yourself; whatever you've done it's in the past.

Edited August 3, 2016 by dimreepr

[Tampitump]

I'm not "thorough" or a "perfectionist". I'm of low intelligence. Listen, I've taken many different styles of IQ test and always score in the marginal to low category, I've always been terrible at school despite trying very hard. I've failed three full years of college and been expelled for poor performance. I have plenty of good data confirming my low intelligence.

 

It's not just the numbers I go by either. It's my interaction with other people too. Everyone else is so much smarter and more knowledgeable than me, even the most simple and non-intellectual people. I can spend several months or even years studying a particular topic, thinking I've got a good grasp on it, only to find that someone whom I know has never pondered this topic for more than five seconds in their life could school me on it. I often try to stay more informed and enlightened than the average person, but I'm not kidding anyone. Most anyone is smarter and more informed than me. It is frustrating. I'm a very incompetent person. I cannot even explain what I'm talking about, and even if I could, you would still be dubious of what I'm telling you. You just don't understand. I'm a very incapable and ineffective thinker. I try very hard, but I can never cut the mustard.

 

I can't stand when people cannot concede a point I'm trying to make. You guys are grasping at fucking straws. If there were a test that said I'm 97% mentally deficient, you guys would look at it and say, "Well, there's still the other three percent. Just because 97% of your brain doesn't work doesn't mean you're not smart." That's how ridiculous what you're saying is. I told you my IQ scores were around 90. You guys know full well that is low. 90 is not average, it is LOW. I don't care what the standard says, most people score higher than what the standard says. The standard says that roughly 115-120 is above average, but in reality average people tend to score higher than this. 90 is mentally-deficient no matter what euphemism you try to concoct to make it sound nicer. I've proven my incompetence time after time with school, testing, and stupidity in everyday life.

[StringJunky]

I'm not "thorough" or a "perfectionist". I'm of low intelligence. Listen, I've taken many different styles of IQ test and always score in the marginal to low category, I've always been terrible at school despite trying very hard. I've failed three full years of college and been expelled for poor performance. I have plenty of good data confirming my low intelligence.

 

It's not just the numbers I go by either. It's my interaction with other people too. Everyone else is so much smarter and more knowledgeable than me, even the most simple and non-intellectual people. I can spend several months or even years studying a particular topic, thinking I've got a good grasp on it, only to find that someone whom I know has never pondered this topic for more than five seconds in their life could school me on it. I often try to stay more informed and enlightened than the average person, but I'm not kidding anyone. Most anyone is smarter and more informed than me. It is frustrating. I'm a very incompetent person. I cannot even explain what I'm talking about, and even if I could, you would still be dubious of what I'm telling you. You just don't understand. I'm a very incapable and ineffective thinker. I try very hard, but I can never cut the mustard.

 

I can't stand when people cannot concede a point I'm trying to make. You guys are grasping at fucking straws. If there were a test that said I'm 97% mentally deficient, you guys would look at it and say, "Well, there's still the other three percent. Just because 97% of your brain doesn't work doesn't mean you're not smart." That's how ridiculous what you're saying is. I told you my IQ scores were around 90. You guys know full well that is low. 90 is not average, it is LOW. I don't care what the standard says, most people score higher than what the standard says. The standard says that roughly 115-120 is above average, but in reality average people tend to score higher than this. 90 is mentally-deficient no matter what euphemism you try to concoct to make it sound nicer. I've proven my incompetence time after time with school, testing, and stupidity in everyday life.

All the IQ test is telling you is that you are not hot with IQ tests... stay away from them. Your written English is too good for a person who thinks he's thick. Period. Your very poor self-image intellectually is not in concordance with what I'm reading from your posts. I'm not going to belabour the point anymore. It's up to you.