Scientific reasons for me not having a girlfriend?

[blue89]

I'm done talking here. It's all flowers and blue skies with you people, and no one could possibly have problems or appearance issues like me. You give me the type of lightweight advice you'd give to someome with mild issues who is otherwise normal, refusing to accept what I'm telling you about my monstrous physical appearance and the severity of it. You guys can still chat here if you want, but I'm done.

 

the appearance cannot be a parameter to give loves someone.and everything does not consist of SEX life.

you are only affected by pressure. all these problems will go away later.

I know this ,because I have many experiences .

Edited August 29, 2016 by blue89

[Lyudmilascience]

I wouldn't feel comfortable having sex. I'm just not a sexually savvy person. I'm stiff, ugly, awkward, and uninteresting. I just can't do it. It's not for me. It wouldn't be right for me, and it wouldn't be right for the girl either. I wouldn't be here saying this if it weren't true. I just wouldn't feel right. It's a very tough dichotomy. I just don't think its right for someone like me to have sex. I'm not sure I want to risk passing my genes on either.

this is the reason for not having a girlfriend, you need to reflect on yourself and higher your self esteem in some way either through friends or a therapist. the fact that you think you are all these bad things about yourself probably causes women to not be interested. I am a woman and I would want to have sex with a guy, and I would want the guy to feel comfortable having sex with me. I have low self esteem to, but not not up to this point, and it is only low around people im not attracted to, as soon as i see a hot guy, i have high self esteem, I'm more interested in showing off to them even if I feel ugly I pretend im beautiful around them. dont worry about passing down bad genes, what if you pass on really good genes? I think you need a person who is not interested in sex someone asexual. They are very hard to come across, most people are more then happy to have sex with the right guy.

[iNow]

It's all flowers and blue skies with you people, and no one could possibly have problems or appearance issues like I'm talking about.

Are you being intentionally obtuse, or do you truly believe this is what people have been saying and suggesting?

[StringJunky]

Are you being intentionally obtuse, or do you truly believe this is what people have been saying and suggesting?

He's not hearing what he wants to hear, figuratively speaking.

 

And now for something, not, completely different:

 

Edited August 29, 2016 by StringJunky

[Tampitump]

Like I said, the only thing I'm missing is mental-retardation. Those deformed, mentally-challenged people have it good because they don't have to deal with their aesthetic and mental short-comings. They lack the capacity to realize them. I actually wish I could have mental-retardation. I was cursed with a fully-functional brain, so the brawn of my shortcomings causes maximal pain.

 

I deleted this last part because I didn't want people here to think I was at risk for suicide. I'm really just sharing my thoughts.

Edited August 30, 2016 by Tampitump

[StringJunky]

Like I said, the only thing I'm missing is mental-retardation. Those deformed, mentally-challenged people have it good because they don't have to deal with their aesthetic and mental short-comings. They lack the capacity to realize them. I actually wish I could have mental-retardation. I was cursed with a fully-functional brain, so the brawn of my shortcomings causes maximal pain.

 

Again, this is not a suicide risk warning, but I keep a loaded 410 shotgun by my bed for various purposes. There's not a morning I don't wake up and contemplate whether I should put it in my mouth or get up and continue the day. These thoughts never make it beyond thoughts. I don't have the balls to kill myself, but sometimes I really wish I were dead (or had never been born).

 

[Disclaimer] I'm not suicidal. Just sharing my thoughts.

You're very depressed.

[Tampitump]

You're very depressed.

I actually resent when people say I'm depressed, and that that's my problem. This implies that the person has no good reason to feel the way they do and that its just the depression talking. It minimizes that person's conerns and thoughts.

[StringJunky]

I actually resent when people say I'm depressed, and that that's my problem. This implies that the person has no good reason to feel the way they do and that its just the depression talking. It minimizes that person's conerns and thoughts.

Your previous post is classic in that respect. I identify with it because I've had depression since I was 15, on and off. I've just come off two years of antidepressants. There's two basic types of depression: endogenous and reactive. The latter is caused by some stressor and yours is your body image. Mine is the probably the former because it just seems to happen spontaneously and several members of my family have it as well.

Edited August 30, 2016 by StringJunky

[Prometheus]

Your previous post is classic in that respect. I identify with it because I've had depression since I was 15, on and off. I've just come off two years of antidepressants. There's two basic types of depression: endogenous and reactive. The latter is caused by some stressor and yours is your body image. Mine is the probably the former because it just seems to happen spontaneously and several members of my family have it as well.

 

Is that actually true? I've often thought it was, but i've been unable to find any papers that verify it.

 

Like I said, the only thing I'm missing is mental-retardation. Those deformed, mentally-challenged people have it good because they don't have to deal with their aesthetic and mental short-comings. They lack the capacity to realize them. I actually wish I could have mental-retardation. I was cursed with a fully-functional brain, so the brawn of my shortcomings causes maximal pain.

 

So you're butt ugly? Well, that's not going to change. You might want to learn to live with it, but you could do better and own your ugliness: embrace your intelligence. Be the Imp (do you read/watch Game of Thrones? if not i'd recommend it to you just for this character). Took me decades to learn to be comfortable in my own skin, think it's much the same for many people, but some have it harder so they got to work at it more. Good luck.

[StringJunky]

 

Is that actually true? I've often thought it was, but i've been unable to find any papers that verify it.

 

Verify what?

[Prometheus]

Verify what?

 

That there are two types of depression, differentiated by their cause (endogenous or reactive).

[StringJunky]

 

That there are two types of depression, differentiated by their cause (endogenous or reactive).

In this NHS quote they are calling endogenous depression 'physical or chemical depression':

 

 

Physical or chemical - depression is caused by changes in levels of chemicals in the brain. For example, your mood can change as hormone levels go up and down. This is often seen in women as it is associated with the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, miscarriage, childbirth and the menopause.

About reactive depression from the same page:

 

 

There are many different factors that can trigger depression. For some people, upsetting or stressful life events, such as bereavement, divorce, illness, redundancy, and job or money worries, can be the cause.

This is often known as 'reactive depression', where depression is a reaction to the event.

https://www.nursingtimes.net/depression/1996457.article

Edited August 30, 2016 by StringJunky

[iNow]

Those types are also not mutually exclusive and one can experience both in parallel.

[StringJunky]

Those types are also not mutually exclusive and one can experience both in parallel.

Yes.

[Tampitump]

I go to a community college that is like 78% girls. The majority of them are frustratingly gorgeous. One of the big problems I have now is the fact that I'm not in that age group anymore. I've been gone from college 4-5 years and had some real-world experience. All the "college kid" is out of me now. All these kids are in the 18-22 year old brackett. I'm just out of that "college-age" phase, both in terms of my age and mentality. I don't really identify with it now. I'm in the "adult who dropped out at that age and am now returning some years later to finish my diploma" bracket. It sucks because there are so many nice girls there. Not that any of them would give me the time of day anyway.

Edited August 30, 2016 by Tampitump

[StringJunky]

I go to a community college that is like 78% girls. The majority of them are frustratingly gorgeous. One of the big problems I have now is the fact that I'm not in that age group anymore. I've been gone from college 4-5 years and had some real-world experience. All the "college kid" is out of me now. All these kids are in the 18-22 year old brackett. I'm just out of that "college-age" phase, both in terms of my age and mentality. I don't really identify with it now. I'm in the "adult who dropped out at that age and am now returning some years later to finish my diploma" bracket. It sucks because there are so many nice girls there. Not that any of them would give me the time of day anyway.

I can't see how a difference of 3-7 years, in the adult age group, makes such a difference. What you've done there is set an arbitrary line of restriction that isn't there. What you are very good at doing, I've noticed, is creating and putting obstacles in your way.

Edited August 30, 2016 by StringJunky

[Tampitump]

I can't see how a difference of 3-7 years, in the adult age group, makes such a difference. What you've done there is set an arbitrary line of restriction that isn't there. What you are very good at doing, I've noticed, is creating and putting obstacles in your way.

I was meaning that more in the sense of my mentality and my current place in life rather than my actual age.

Edited August 31, 2016 by Tampitump

[koti]

Tampitump..how long do you think it's going to take you to stop your self centered whining and start growing some balls ?
Tip: It can take 5 minutes or the rest of your life.

[Tampitump]

Tampitump..how long do you think it's going to take you to stop your self centered whining and start growing some balls ?

I don't know. I'll definitely get back to you on this though.

[koti]

I don't know. I'll definitely get back to you on this though.

That is great news. Just make sure I don't die of old age waiting.

[thatsneakyguy]

On one hand I get what you’re saying. Dating for you is like trying to swim while wearing a backpack full of rocks.

And people giving you advice are like “that backpack isn’t THAT heavy. You just need to kick your legs more.”

I imagine it would be very difficult for you to date and find a gf.

I don’t think you just need a few pointers and tips and then everything will be rainbows and gumdrops.

Physical appearance plays a part of dating; it’s not just emotional or logical.

I think the disagreement is how significant physical appearance will affect dating.

For you it seems your appearance is so repulsive that it overrides all aspects of dating.

Maybe it does.

But for others here, others who have dated, your character is the most important part of dating. Like your personality, sense of humor, how you treat people, your ethics, your self-esteem, etc.

I don’t think there are “easy” answers. Maybe you will never have a gf. Maybe you will never have sex. Who knows.

One thing I do know is you won’t be helping yourself if you shut yourself down, give up, and stop trying.

You’ve been trying to say you are not normal, as if you deserve to be shunned from society like a modern day Quasimodo.

Well the people here disagree, and think you are normal. You should keep that it mind.

Take care man

[Tampitump]

 

On one hand I get what you’re saying. Dating for you is like trying to swim while wearing a backpack full of rocks.

And people giving you advice are like “that backpack isn’t THAT heavy. You just need to kick your legs more.”

Yep, that's pretty much it.

 

 

I imagine it would be very difficult for you to date and find a gf.

Impossible is a more appropriate word.

 

 

Physical appearance plays a part of dating; it’s not just emotional or logical.

It doesn't play a large role until you get into the territory of looks I'm in. Then all bets are completely off.

 

 

For you it seems your appearance is so repulsive that it overrides all aspects of dating.

Maybe it does.

I believe that, and it has succeeded in doing so up to now.

 

But for others here, others who have dated, your character is the most important part of dating. Like your personality, sense of humor, how you treat people, your ethics, your self-esteem, etc.

That is true only if your looks allow people to get to that point. When your looks act as a firewall preventing discourse from ever being initiated in the first place, then I could have the personality of a saint and it would be null and void, it wouldn't matter at all.

 

 

I don’t think there are “easy” answers. Maybe you will never have a gf. Maybe you will never have sex. Who knows.

One thing I do know is you won’t be helping yourself if you shut yourself down, give up, and stop trying.

Like all the others, this statement commits the fallacy of assuming that my current form is how I've always been. People always give me advice as if 1) I've never fucking heard it before, 2) I've never fucking tried it before, 3) As if my present mental state and demeanor is how I have always been. These are all nonsense assumptions people tend to make. I wasn't always this debbie downer and depressed. I used to think there was hope and that I would one day meet someone who liked me.

 

Do I need to go through some of my experiences again? Did you guys not hear some of the instances I reiterated on here? Like the time my friends tried to take me to a party, there were four of us and four single girls, each guy paired with a girl, and the fourth girl refused to pair with me and went home early? Did I not tell you about the several independent instances wherein attractive women have told me in public that I was "funny looking"? Did I not tell you about how the girls used to line up in the hallways in grade school and laugh at me for being ugly? Did I not tell you about the few girls whose days I ruined by asked them out? The empirical data is clear and unassailable.

 

I always try to put my best foot forward in public. I hold my head high, smile, make eye contact every time I pass a girl on the college campus. All I get back is looks of disgust and repudiation. I don't want to be this way. I would like for the supportive words people give to me on this subject to eventually come true. People always try to cheer me up by saying things like "don't worry, there are more girls out there who are attracted to you than you think", or "You'll find the right girl one day". Well, I've been trying to find that girl for over a decade now. I spend time in places with heavy female-content and not a single one has given me anything short of the cold shoulder.

 

You’ve been trying to say you are not normal, as if you deserve to be shunned from society like a modern day Quasimodo.

I tend to think that this would be worthy cause.

Edited August 31, 2016 by Tampitump

[Tampitump]

Aside from feeling that all girls are predisposed to hate me, I find it impossible to find people who are both of the following at the same time: 1) Single, and 2) Are interested in me. I've found the former to be very rare, and the latter to be impossible. The two together seem out of the question. I don't know how people find their significant others/dates/partners. Every time I try to get into "that world", there's like this firewall that keeps me out and rejects me. It's like a conspiracy that I'm not allowed into that world. Girls reject me out of hand without putting a second's worth of thought into it. I've tried on several occasions to initiate friendships or relationships with girls I'm attracted to, and I get nothing but "talk to the hand". On the other hand, other guys move right into the frame and make off with the same girl in less than five minutes of meeting each other. Everyone else around me who is my age has been through countless relationships. They all seem to be in this world that I cannot gain access to. It's like a fourth dimension that all other human beings have access to that I was born without. I don't get it. I've tried. I've sincerely tried, but I can't get past this firewall that denies me entrance into the dating world. It really feels that way. It's like a god damn breeze for everyone else (or at least most other people). It's unbearable to sit here and think that my nephew, who is now seven years old, will likely get his first girlfriend, and lose his virginity before I do.

 

Maybe I should just convert back to Christianity and become a man of the church. That's where all the nice girls and supportive communities are. Fuck science, it just spoils all the fun. I'm not even all that good of a skeptic anyway. Maybe I can abandon ship and rejoin my old allegiance while some of my ignorance is still intact. After all, why care about truth and fact when the delusions are much more fun? I think christianmingle.com is where I need to be.

Edited September 2, 2016 by Tampitump

[Tampitump]

This one girl in the library today wouldn't quit staring at me. I couldn't make out what emotion the look on her face was expressing. She seemed not to be phased by me looking back dozens of times to see if she was still staring at me. But gosh, she was HOT! Wow. Very good looking girl!

 

It didn't feel right to be stared at like that. I just didn't like the feeling. I seems to make the girl's attractiveness evaporate for me. I like it better when they act as though your existence is of no concern to them, and that your non-existence might even be a slightly preferable situation. It makes them more magnificent to worship. Lol... When they stare at you, they look like a sappier sap than you. Lol

[CharonY]

 

On one hand I get what you’re saying. Dating for you is like trying to swim while wearing a backpack full of rocks.

And people giving you advice are like “that backpack isn’t THAT heavy. You just need to kick your legs more.”

 

I think what most try to say is put fewer rocks into your bag.