can you learn to accept or like someone?

[Lyudmilascience]

is it possible to learn to accept someone the way they are or even like them? I'm struggling to try to learn to accept myself. I want to accept myself but i have to then accept that I'm a horrible person.

[Phi for All]

What makes a person horrible?

[StringJunky]

is it possible to learn to accept someone the way they are or even like them? I'm struggling to try to learn to accept myself. I want to accept myself but i have to then accept that I'm a horrible person.

Sounds like you've caught yourself in a mental trap: If > Then > I Must be.

Edited August 1, 2016 by StringJunky

[Lord Antares]

Depends on what you mean by ''horrible person''.

If you don't like yourself socially or mentally, if you don't like your laziness or some trait like that, it is possible to accept yourself. It's even possible to change yourself, depending on what your ''problem'' is.

 

If by horrible person you mean you are immoral and like to hurt/cheat people for your own gain or satisfaction, then you might not be able to accept yourself.

But then again, if you were a morally bad person, you probably wouldn't be pondering this.

[StringJunky]

...But then again, if you were a morally bad person, you probably wouldn't be pondering this.

QFT

[dimreepr]

is it possible to learn to accept someone the way they are or even like them? I'm struggling to try to learn to accept myself. I want to accept myself but i have to then accept that I'm a horrible person.

 

 

Only if you can learn to forgive yourself; whatever you've done it's in the past.

 

"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self." - Ernest Hemingway.

You're certainly not alone in having done something too regret, the memory of which makes us cringe or shudder; your path to peace, is to to ride the feeling and then say "phuq it (the posh spelling) nothing I can change now", shrug and get on with life, you're alive now not then.

Edited August 1, 2016 by dimreepr

[StringJunky]

 

 

Only if you can learn to forgive yourself; whatever you've done it's in the past.

 

"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self." - Ernest Hemingway.

You're certainly not alone in having done something too regret, the memory of which makes us cringe or shudder; your path to peace, is to to ride the feeling and then say "phuq it (the posh spelling) nothing I can change now", shrug and get on with life, you're alive now not then.

...or, the person you were then is not the person you are now. Human experience is a continuum of change and at some point we need to realise that we are not the same person; after every few years or significant personal event or realisation we need to check this and not hold our past against ourselves.

Edited August 1, 2016 by StringJunky

[Prometheus]

is it possible to learn to accept someone the way they are or even like them? I'm struggling to try to learn to accept myself. I want to accept myself but i have to then accept that I'm a horrible person.

 

We're all dicks, to a greater or lesser extent: just part of the human experience. The fact that you acknowledge this in yourself means your'e ahead of the curve. The real tricky part is working out when we are able to change certain aspects of ourselves, or when we should learn accept an aspect of our nature. Once you work it out, let me know how to do it.

[dimreepr]

The real tricky part is working out when we are able to change certain aspects of ourselves, or when we should learn accept an aspect of our nature. Once you work it out, let me know how to do it.

 

 

There's no trick, it's simple, if that "certain aspect of ourselves" causes harm to others then stop, if not, accept.

Edited August 1, 2016 by dimreepr

[DrKrettin]

is it possible to learn to accept someone the way they are or even like them? I'm struggling to try to learn to accept myself. I want to accept myself but i have to then accept that I'm a horrible person.

 

Do you treat people in a manner which you would hate if they treated you likewise? Can you give examples of your nastiness?

[Lyudmilascience]

Depends on what you mean by ''horrible person''.

If you don't like yourself socially or mentally, if you don't like your laziness or some trait like that, it is possible to accept yourself. It's even possible to change yourself, depending on what your ''problem'' is.

 

If by horrible person you mean you are immoral and like to hurt/cheat people for your own gain or satisfaction, then you might not be able to accept yourself.

But then again, if you were a morally bad person, you probably wouldn't be pondering this.

yes I don't like many traits of mine mainly laziness and its preventing me from even accepting myself because i feel like I can not get out of laziness for a long time. I feel like i cant change my personality, i can force myself to work for a little while then i get back to being lazy. I also talk too much. Im not immoral but i like money too much and its my only motivation. i feel bad that i want to be rich because people think its not a good character trait. and feeling like i will never succeed changing my personality makes me not have any motivation. so my biggest problem is motivation.

[StringJunky]

..... feeling like i will never succeed changing my personality makes me not have any motivation. so my biggest problem is motivation.

Take it one day at a time, then look back every so often and you will realise you have improved. Keep saying to yourself " I know more than I did yesterday".

 

Personality is about how you interact with people and if you feel you are lacking in this department observe those you admire and see how they interact with others. You've made the first steps, you are doing it with us right here. I think you are more sociable and likeable than you realise at the moment. Keep at it and you'll realise you are where you want to be in the not far distant future.

[Lyudmilascience]

Take it one day at a time, then look back every so often and you will realise you have improved. Keep saying to yourself " I know more than I did yesterday".

 

Personality is about how you interact with people and if you feel you are lacking in this department observe those you admire and see how they interact with others. You've made the first steps, you are doing it with us right here. I think you are more sociable and likeable than you realise at the moment. Keep at it and you'll realise you are where you want to be in the not far distant future.

thank you. i will be patent I hope I will get better, I dont want to look back and realize I never changed or changed for the worse.

[dimreepr]

yes I don't like many traits of mine mainly laziness and its preventing me from even accepting myself because i feel like I can not get out of laziness for a long time. I feel like i cant change my personality, i can force myself to work for a little while then i get back to being lazy. I also talk too much. Im not immoral but i like money too much and its my only motivation. i feel bad that i want to be rich because people think its not a good character trait. and feeling like i will never succeed changing my personality makes me not have any motivation. so my biggest problem is motivation.

 

 

Why is being lazy such a bad thing? When I've done what I need to do for survival, I love nothing more than lounging around sometimes in front of the tv or radio or book or staring into the river etc...

 

I take it you have no dependents other than yourself given your lack of motivation?

 

You need to find your purpose in life, it's something you'll have to find for yourself (it can't be given or thrust upon you) and the search is much easier if you're at peace with yourself.

 

Give yourself a break, forgive yourself for being a human and relax and enjoy those halcyon days while you can, use the time and think about your purpose, life's so much sweeter when you find it...

[Mitsurugi]

This is falling a little bit into Philosophy. But to answer your question, you have to use the golden rule

(Treat people how you would like to be treated.) and the platinum rule (Treat people how they would like to be treated). But since you say you are a horrible person, the rules can become skewed. Just remember, as far as science knows in a psychical sense, this life is the only life that is assured at this momment. It is the only somewhat true state of time, the present. And to waste it on self-pity due to comparison from society and others seems like a waste of time. Go out, travel, write, read, eat, have fun in the present!!! Because one day we will die.

[StringJunky]

This is falling a little bit into Philosophy. But to answer your question, you have to use the golden rule

(Treat people how you would like to be treated.) and the platinum rule (Treat people how they would like to be treated). But since you say you are a horrible person, the rules can become skewed. Just remember, as far as science knows in a psychical sense, this life is the only life that is assured at this momment. It is the only somewhat true state of time, the present. And to waste it on self-pity due to comparison from society and others seems like a waste of time. Go out, travel, write, read, eat, have fun in the present!!! Because one day we will die.

Life is not a rehearsal; it is the performance.

[Lyudmilascience]

Life is not a rehearsal; it is the performance.

yep. people tell me Im hard on myself that's maybe why Im so worried about the performance I was born with tendencies in my personality that I dont like, Im not as much of a busy body to change it. I don't just want to have fun not save money and not think about the future.